Sunday, September 18, 2011

Gifts Of All Kinds.

I did the math yesterday and if all goes well and I am able to keep my white blood cells up enough that I don't have to miss any treatments I will be done chemo right before Christmas. How awesome is that!! Of course, the downside is that the period after the treatment in which I'm supposed to feel at my worst and my white blood cells will be at their lowest is right on Christmas but if I have to delay celebrating with my brothers or with Sean's family, so be it. I'm sure everyone will understand. And for the kids it means Christmas will be spread out over a week or two rather than a day or two. Not a bad deal. We'll just have to see how it goes.

I'm nervous. One of the women at my support group said "Chemo is not as bad as how bad you can imagine it to be" meaning we make it a hell of a lot worse in our heads than it really is. I'm hoping she's right. I worry I'm not making it bad enough and I'm in a for a shock of horribleness. I haven't felt 'good' since the surgery - though it's been mainly because of my back. I long to feel good again. I was supposed to start physiotherapy on Friday but cancelled partly because of our need to go to Mt. Sinai but also because I wasn't sure I would be able to continue while doing chemo. I'm going to ask the oncologist on Thursday. I need to be able to walk again, undrugged.

I got a rude awakening at the mall yesterday. We got there right about when my meds were wearing off. I can't drive when on meds so I didn't take another after waking up. I decided I would walk, slowly, around the mall and when I got sore I'd sit at Timmies. Silly me. This mall is big. I wanted to get the older nieces and nephews done for Christmas so I had to go right to the other end of the mall. I wanted to get my mom something. I wanted to look at something for Sean. I wanted to look at Playmobile for Connor (I think that's going to be the main gift this year - Playmobile ROCKS!!) So about an hour in, despite my best efforts to walk slowly I seized up (this is when my sciatic nerve spasms and I can't walk and collapse if I'm not holding anything. Plus it hurts like a son of a bitch) This happened while I was at a crossroads in the mall, hence nothing around me to grab on to. So I'm wincing, standing on one foot, trying not to fall, unable to move until the pain subsides right in the middle of the mall. I actually saw a man stop and watch me, I guess he was worried I was going down like a ton of bricks. I finally sat down only to get a text from Em to meet them in the food court. 

I feel fabulous and have minimal pain when drugged but I can't live this way forever. I'm hoping physio will be allowed or that he can recommend something to help this pain. Rolling over in bed is getting to be a challenge and when I go up and down the stairs I can actually see my Dad in my minds eye, going one step at a time. I feel a lot older than I am and it's not the cancer making me feel that way.

One of my PP sisters has begun selling Scentsy. I've never heard of it before now but it looks and sounds really great. Who doesn't love a nice smelling house? Go take a look at her page. (and like it for a chance to win some great prizes) I'm going to be placing an order and we're in talks about my hosting an online show. I'll let you know when I do - so you can order too!

Have a fantastic day and remember - everyday is a gift - that's why it's called the present.

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