Saturday, November 28, 2009

Well don't that put the 'wink' in co-winky-dink

Today on my way home from school I stopped at a store to buy a Christmas present for someone. I won't say where because it would be a giveaway to that person who may well read this but it's a store I wouldn't typically be in. So as I was in there I thought, hmm, wouldn't it be funny if 'so and so' just happened to come into the store right now and saw me. How would I explain my presence without giving away the fact that this person's gift is coming from here.

And on that train of thought I got to thinking about something that happened many moons ago. A random coincidence that I always thought was kind of funny.

When Sean and I got engaged we registered at the Bay. We had the usual, fancy dishes, linens, appliances. Nothing special or spectacular. Practical but nice. Now I can't remember the reason why I called but I had to call the person working the registry desk one day. While I was on the phone with her she was seeing a customer. I can still remember the conversation like it was yesterday. The customer gave her an itemized list of what she had purchased from the registry, it was several sets of bathroom linens. The woman asked her the name of the person on the registry and the person said my name! Clear as a bell and then I realized why the person sounded so familiar. It was my best friend/maid of honour!
I never mentioned it to her, that I heard her at the store buying my gift. I don't like to ruin surprises (hence the reason that every Christmas/birthday/anniversary, etc I act oh so surprised at my gifts from Sean despite the itemized list he was given a month before.

Though, I guess, Judes, if you're reading, now you know. That day, 12 yrs ago when you were buying me the lovely burgundy bath towel sets....I heard you at the store and I knew. It didn't ruin the surprise though, kind of fun for me to have a stupid secret like that. And for what it's worth, I still have those towels....and I still love them!

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Letters to heaven

So, as you are mostly all aware yesterday was my dad's 63rd birthday.

We went as a family to the Imperial Buffet (Chinese/Canadian buffet); it was one of my dad's favorite restaurants.

Mary Jo had a hard day yesterday. A lot of weeping and cuddles. She misses him so much.
So yesterday afternoon she decided to write Papa a letter. She told him she missed him, that we all did. She told him we were going out for dinner for his birthday. She asked him if it was fun in heaven.

After she wrote it she asked how he would get it. So I told her we'd mail it. It's now in an envelope that says To Papa in Heaven. She really wanted to put it in the mailbox her self but I wanted to save it in my memory box so that one day when she's older she can have it back. So I told her that I had to check with the post office to see how much postage it would take to get to heaven and would mail it while she was at school.

Never to be without the challenging questions, she asked me how she'd know that Papa got his letter. She didn't think he could write back (a small blessing there, I didn't want her to be disappointed in waiting and don't think it would have been right to fake a letter) So I told her that she'd know Papa got his letter because she would dream about him.
I hope she dreams about him soon.

I called the school yesterday to find out about the Rainbow group. It's a group for bereaved children or those dealing with divorce or other types of loss. Apparently the school isn't running it this year, there wasn't enough demand. Funny, I never got a letter.
Needless to say I'm not impressed.

I think both the kids are dealing with it better but it still breaks my heart to see Mary so sad and missing him so much. I suspect these letters to heaven might get more frequent.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

To close to home

One of my dear online friends lost her dad today. He was battling cancer.

My heart goes out to her and her family. I think that even though deep down we know that the battle will not be won we hold out hope that it can. People do beat cancer, all the time. I knew my dad wouldn't win his battle but that little part of me hoped I was wrong, that he could be one of those people you see in the commercials or even on the news for making some miraculous recovery.

My friends father's death hits way to close to home. Tomorrow is my dad's birthday. He would have been 63. And while we will still celebrate it as a family it won't be with him and that's the part that counts.

When I read of my friends father's death I cried and cried. I cried for her pain. I cried for my own. I miss my dad like crazy and would give anything to have been able to spend the last week fretting about what I was going to get him for his birthday because he was ridiculously hard to buy for. But this year I don't get to do that. I'm even having a hard time bringing myself to buy Sean a Canadian Tire card for Christmas because that was what we always got my dad.

My friend has been a great source of strength for me, both when my dad was sick and since he died. I hope that I have been the same for her. We met in the infertility club and travel on in the 'lost a parent to cancer' club. What a couple of sucky clubs to be in.

Hopefully we can both move on into better clubs...like the Mom's of the people who cured cancer club. With 5 kids between us I think our odds are great.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Rain rain go away...

I don't want to be stuck in the house today.....

I'm trying to find a new rhythm. It's a survival thing. My little daycare friend, the one who's had issues adjusting, will be coming back to his full day schedule starting next week. See, I have a couple of months of adjustment coming up.
My little guy is going to back to full days. This brings with it hellish naptimes. (it's now 12:55 and he's only just gone to sleep - the others have been asleep since noon)
I also need to get Connor used to napping on the couch. I have a new little one starting in the daycare in January and short of having her nap downstairs the only place left to do nap for her is Connors room. (actually my little guy will sleep in Connors room, she'll sleep in mine where little guy sleeps right now.)
So for at least 2 days a week, sometimes 3, Connor will need to sleep the living room.
I'm going to make it a special, he'll get to sleep on his spiderman couch and he'll still have his pillow, blankets, doo doo and lovey. Mary Jo used to love daycare nap in the living room (though hers was no necessity, she just loved sleeping on the mat with the other kids) I'm hoping that a month is enough time to get him used to it.
Once he's adjusted I can get little guy used to sleeping in Connors room so that by the time the new little miss starts I can work on getting her to sleep here.

This week I officially became a registered member of the College of Early Childhood Educators. Meaningless to most but for me it means legally being able to continue calling myself and practicing as an ECE. So that's one less thing to worry about.

I got my second assignment back at school. 96%. Yeah baby!

I reflect back on my high school and college days and how much I hated school. How I thought it was nothing short of a miracle that I got a high school diploma in light of how much school I skipped. I think about how much I hated college, though I did got more often, I still wasn't the best student.
I see myself now, getting to class an hour early, fretting over assignments, worrying about not missing any classes. How times have changed.

Let's talk about Emily for a minute.
Her bff's birthday is this weekend. It's a sleepover party. Em has had trouble with sleepovers (both here and at friends houses) She's a lot more like me that I ever realized. I love having company and visitors but I reach a point where I want my space back and I want everyone out. I am very routine driven and having overnight guests really screws with that routine. We don't have them often and lucky for me, Sean's family usually stays with one of his brothers when they come. That's fine with me. And as a kid, I did go to sleepovers but never slept well and didn't really enjoy them. I like my own bed.

So last night Em told me that she was worried that she'd want to come home from the sleepover but didn't want to disappoint her bff and she didn't know what to do. She was looking for a way out. She wants to save face, not look 'babyish' to her bff but she doesn't want to sleep over.
Well, I'm always good for taking blame and in this case I don't mind at all. I asked her if she wanted me to 'not allow her' to sleep over and then it wasn't a problem. She lit right up. "okay!"
So there it is. Mean old mom won't let her sleep over at her bff's for her birthday. She can bad mouth me all she wants because I know deep down she's glad I came through and saved her from a sleepless night.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Where to start

So much to talk about.

Since I had the week off I decided to tackle the mess in the crawl space (aka - toy storage room) I wanted to get some type of organization down there because A: I'm sure it was a fire hazard having that crap all over the furnace room and B: I have so many toys and resources for the daycare that don't get used in the rotation because they are not accessible to me.
So I did it. I spent three naptimes down there and by God, it's almost done. Everything is sorted, labelled and put where I can (mostly) see it. I'm a gigantic nerd and mentioned to my mom and Sean that I wanted some proper wall to wall, floor to ceiling shelving down there so I can go really organized crazy. Next is to sort the art supplies, reorganize my resource files and categorize the 200+ kids books.
Call me what you will, it's like foreplay to me.

The flu is still lingering. Connor is hoarse and whiney. I'm also concerned about the effects the tamiflu had on him. I noticed right away after giving it to him (right away being within 30 min) that he was acting weird. Aggressive and angry. I stopped giving it to him after 2 days. I didn't like what it was doing to him. I've since heard from three people that their toddlers/preschoolers reacted the same. The aggression and anger are getting better but he's hitting his terrible two strides so there's a lot of nipping in the bud going on right now.

I'm a little stressed about school. Remember me, the one who handed in both essays a week early just to make sure I didn't hand them in late (in case of unforeseen illness) I did my quiz last week and while I don't think I aced it, I think I got a strong B. But now it's time for the final assignment, aha yes, the partner assignment. My partner is not as ..... how do I word it ....crazy as I am and is not exactly sending the info along to me in the timeliest of fashions. We have two weeks until our presentation and in my perfect world I'd be done and ready to go now.
So I'm relinquishing my control, doing my half and hoping for the best.

One of the ladies I've come to know on FF lost her baby boy last week. I don't know the details but I do know she was full term.
When ever I get cynical or adopt my jaded 'the world and everyone in it suck' attitude I only need to spend a few minutes reading that site or talking to some of those ladies.
I know I've said it before but I am in awe of just how much perfect strangers can come to care for one another and can count on each other to lean on - and not just for infertility and parenting issues but life in general. I felt it myself when my Dad was sick and died. I've offered it to some who've lost family or have loved ones suffering. I know that for many of the ladies there there are things talked about that they don't even discuss with their family and friends in real life. It's a safe haven of support.
So this woman who has suffered the unthinkable told us that she lost her son. And in the blink of an eye everyone banded together to make plans on what we could do to offer her the support and love she needs to get through this time. Something more than the virtual hugs and condolences. Geography is an issue, we are scattered literally throughout the world and while I know that if each of us could, we'd be at her side, we are trying to do the next best thing.
I know I get many eye rolls from people who are not part of this group (or one like it) I know they don't get it. They see it as strangers tapping away at their computers, lonely, calling out for someone. They think it's weird, a little strange. And I'm sure at one time I might have too. But truth be known these 'strangers' have enriched my life in so many ways and though I don't know them in real life, when I see and am able to contribute to the efforts put forth in trying to help another 'stranger' I feel truly blessed to know them all.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

speaking of irony

I have friend who has been having some marital troubles. She's asked me for my opinion and advice from time to time so I help when I can and I'm happy to listen when she needs to vent. It what friends do. She has done the same for me.
So recently she came to me with a problem, of which I won't go into because it's her business, but in that asked me how I was able to move on after the problems Sean and I had a few years ago. I said it took a lot of time and work on both of our parts but that I am 95% there. There is a bit of me (that other 5%) that isn't quite back to where I should be but I suspect it never will be back. That's just the new normal for us. Warts and all.

So I open a local paper today and who's smiling mug do I see but skankarella herself. Yep, the queen of skuzz staring out at me. She's playing the devoted, caring, loving wife while her husband deals with some very public demons. It makes me want to vomit. And truth be known it's lucky the same story published online did not allow for reader comment because I may not have been able to resist.

So I suppose sometimes that 5% gets elevated a bit. Like now. And the day that started out sunny and happy and full of promise has just gone straight to the shitter.

Oh well. tomorrow is a new day.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Irony

We got the H1N1 flu shot last week to protect Connor since he can't get the shot.

And now Connor is sick with flu like symptoms.

I usually enjoy the ironic but this just sucks.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Brrrrr

We're still freezing. Still no furnace. Apparently the furnace guy will be here between now and 1:00 to fix it.


So we've officially taken Connor out of his toddler bed and moved him to his twin bed. We were hearing him crash into the side of it when he rolled over at night.
We have a captains bed, it was Emily's before she got the bunk bed. It's been down in my dad's room.
Being the smart girl I am I posted his fire engine bed for sale online before going to the trouble of taking it apart. I found a buyer and made arrangements to have it picked up on Saturday.
Because of Sean's shifts last night was the only available time for us to take the bed apart and bring his new bed upstairs so we did it. And yes, I probably could have made due with the sheets we have and a spare blanket but I wanted his awesome new bedroom to be awesome. So i went out and bought him a new comforter and sheet set that I'd been eyeing. It cost $50 which is pretty decent.
The thing is, I didn't really have the $50 this week but thought, it's okay I can pay it back (the grocery money) when the buyer comes on Saturday.
Well, the buyer backed out.

Yeah, lesson learned.

I'm pretty pissed. I mean the excuse I got was lame as hell and truthfully I would have been happier to hear an honest, "I've changed my mind" But like I said, lesson learned.
So now I'm hoping to off load this bed soon.

The other thing that is killing me is that because Emily has been sick I haven't had any daycare babies since Tuesday. So there are two families who are getting a refund for a total of 5 days between them. More money I'm out.

And lets not forget the furnace, another $300 today.

And next week I need to register for my class for next semester. $250.

Oh, and let's not forget Christmas. Thankfully I'm done my shopping for everyone outside the immediate family. This is one of those times that I wish Santa was real.

I could throw it all on the visa but the thing is, I need to have enough room on it so that in March when our bill for the windows comes in I can throw it on the line of credit at an interest rate a full 21% less.

And then I've got 2 years to pay the line of credit off so that when I want to open my daycare I have enough assets and no outstanding debts so the bank won't just fall down laughing at me.

This is one of those times when I am seriously considering going back to work in a centre again....or getting a second job. Two clients going on mat leave early next year which dramatically lowers my income. One client is now in school full time and only three days a week. I can't raise my rates- they are already on the high end of normal for my area. So early next year my bread and butter, so to speak, is one full time baby.

I guess it's just one of those days.

Hey, anyone need daycare?

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Waving to Yukon!

I noticed on my map the other day that someone in the Yukon stopped by to have a read. It's funny, I get occasional readers from around Europe and Australia but I was so excited to see Whitehorse on my map. (Not that you readers from the US, Europe and Australia are any less awesome...)

So yesterday morning as I tapped away on the computer we all heard this ungodly sound come from the basement. It sounded much like the rumble you hear when you get air in your pipes only it was much much worse. It shook the house.
Not long ago, Connor flushed something down the toilet. We don't know what though I speculate it was a Littlest Pet Shop. When it went down we got a very similar rumble and yesterday we assumed it was whatever that was passing further through the pipes. Though, I was here on the computer and the furnace room is right below me and the sound did sound like it came from below. But the heat stayed on so I chalked it up to pipes.

Last night when I was on my way to school Sean called to tell me the furnace crapped out. Again. We've been in this house for 7 years and they've come 5 times for the furnace. Usually it's a quick and painless fix but this time it's going to be the weekend before we get heat back and to the tune of $600. Yay. I am thankful it's not colder but 10 degrees is still pretty chilly when you don't have back up heat. I'm not comfortable with the space heater from the garage. My mom has an electric fireplace downstairs but she'll need that. It's cold down there when the heat works so I'm sure it's downright frigid now. I'm wishing we'd forked out the money for a chimney sweep so we could get a fire burning in the fireplace upstairs. I'm thinking I'll budget that in so we can use the fireplace this winter. In the meantime it's sweaters for us. (and I know I shouldn't bitch because I'll bet my reader in Whitehorse already has snow.)

We got our H1N1 shots yesterday. It's funny that I was the one who initially said there was no way we were getting the shot and then I was in panic to get it before anyone got sick. I try not to fall for the hype but hearing stories of people who've already been sick with it scared me. It sounds awful!
We fall into the priority risk group because of Connors age and his egg allergy. He can't get the shot so they give it to us to protect him.
Poor Mary cried and cried and cried. Emily was a trooper and me and Sean, well, let's just say we're pretty sucky. My arm is killing me and I heard him whimpering last night when he rolled onto his.

Emily has been complaining of feeling sick this past week, sore throat she says. But we hear that often, she like Halls. And her BFF is off school sick so we chalked it up to "I wanna stay home because my best friend is" No fever, go to school
Yesterday, not 3 hours after getting her flu shot Emily was running a temp of 101. (on a side note see how I do air temps in Celsius and body temps in Farenheit. Weird huh?)
So a call into my daycare parents to let them decide what to do with their kids today and my fingers crossed that she's not too sick.

This morning is better. She's got a low fever but not too bad. She's also got a wet cough and a snotty nose, which I am almost certain are not H1N1 symptoms so I am relieved. My daycare kids are all staying home today so I'm going to make the most of the day and clean out the crawl space.....so the furnace guy can get me some heat back.
I think my computer screen is starting to frost up.

Monday, November 2, 2009

It's the dawn of a new era

Alright, that might be a little dramatic but I'm trying to hype myself up.

See that pretty little weight loss ticker to the right? Well, it's a little deceptive. I think it says I've lost 7 lbs. Well, in honesty I had, when I updated it last, lost 7 lbs. I haven't weighed in a while but judging by my pants those 7 lbs are back. Most likely due to the influx of chocolate that's been here for the past few weeks. See, we buy halloween candy to put away for halloween and then end up eating it so we have to buy more...you see how that goes.
And now there is a pantry full of coffee crisps and kit kats calling out to me.

But I'm determined to lose 20 lbs by Christmas. That gives me just 53 days. So, no more junk and much more exercise. I even made a plea for an elliptical trainer on my local freecycle network (every now and then someone gives one away but i just don't seem to reply to the emails fast enough. Hot commodity I guess.

I found one on Kijiji but I'm not sure that I want to shell out money for one with it being the Christmas season and I won't ask Santa for one because I might get that instead of the much desired Canon DSLR.

I have a really good skipping rope and could skip in the garage but I can't find it. (the rope I mean...the garage is right where I left it)

Maybe tonight I'll suck it up, weigh myself and adjust my ticker accordingly. I don't want to but maybe if I do it will encourage me to get my butt in gear to get that ticker moving again.