What's More Important....?

I came here today with the intent to post a small rant.

You see, we had a snowstorm here yesterday.

"What's the big deal?" You ask, "you live in Canada!" And while that is true, I more specifically live in the GTA where large amounts of snow all at one time are not the norm. We get a couple of cm at a time - not 25+ cm in one day. And while for a large part of Canada that is no big deal (I think my cousins on the east coast are getting something like 50 cm today) for us, in the GTA, it is a big deal.

So yesterday the snow fell. Lots of it. I got up nice and early to watch the news to see if maybe, just maybe school would be cancelled. No such luck - but the buses were cancelled which meant most kids wouldn't be at school anyway.

So being the good Canadian I am, I soldiered on and drove the 30+ km to work in the crappy snow.

 

 

I knew there wouldn't be a lot of kids at school because the buses were not running. And since it was Friday a lot of people just took the day off. But some people didn't. Some people have to go to work, no matter the weather (present company included).

 

But here's the thing. Of the 5 kids in my class who came to school - every single one of them had parents at home. Not at work or at school. At home with younger siblings or in their pj's or doing who knows what.

 

Back in the day when I was working in daycare my opinion that stay at home parents should not have their children in full time daycare was not always popular. Part time daycare or nursery school is great - kids need socialization away from parents - but full day, every day - I've always had a problem with that if Mom or Dad is home all day.

 

This is another instance in which my opinion might be wildly unpopular.

 

I have to wonder why those 5 kids were at school? Did their parents think we'd be learning anything? And even if we were - did they think that missing one day of school in Kindergarten was going to set up their entire educational career for failure??  I can't really fathom why any parent would take their child out in that weather if they didn't have to! 

 

Now before I get a bunch of angry comments about how some parents have no choice but to work and therefore their kids have to go to school or daycare even on a craptastic day like that - I know - I get it. I had to go to work. If I were a single parent or if Sean had to have had to work too or my mom was not living here or Emily wasn't old enough to take care of Connor and Mary then they too would have had to go to school yesterday.

 

But they didn't have to. So I didn't send them. Because their staying home for one day wasn't going to destroy them academically. Because then maybe there wouldn't have been any students in their class and their teachers could go home safely to their families instead of being at work essentially babysitting my kids; because I can promise you no one taught yesterday. 

 

What was so infuriating about yesterday was *most* of the children who were at school yesterday did not NEED to be there. So why did their parents send them? Who was gaining?

 

The parents - that's who. They were "getting rid of " their child for a few hours.  Forget about the teachers who had to travel to and from school to be with those kids (who watched movies all day) who had to drive in that weather - who risked their lives to sit with your kids for 6 hours so that you could watch All My Children because you didn't want to keep them home.

 

If we lived somewhere else in Canada where this type of weather was the norm it might be different but this was the worst storm we've had in 5 years. If you didn't HAVE to be out in it, why were you? Keep your kids home. Spend the day with them. Enjoy them. Take them sledding. Play a game with them. Have a pillow fight.

 

I came here today with the intention to post that rant and leave it at that but my thoughts on this were punctuated by a blogger friend's post that I read this morning. Her teenage son battled cancer at the same time as me. He won that fight last year but they've just discovered spots on his lungs.

 

I can't even begin to fathom what his mom is feeling right now but it makes me want to hug my kids tighter. It reaffirms my contention that nothing is more important than time spent with your kids - that playing hookie from school or work is okay and that we should all be embracing every single moment with our kids.

 

My prayers are with my friend and her family that they will find the strength and courage to fight on and win the battle again. It's a long and terrible road, one they know all too well.

 

Hug your kids, spend time with them. Make them a priority.  Nothing should be is more important than they are. 

Let's Give Thanks

It's Thanksgiving weekend in Canada. We have it much earlier here because, we'll, we're more northern and therefore our harvest is much sooner.

Tomorrow is our actual Thanksgiving Day but most people celebrate it on Sunday so they can relax and enjoy the day off work on Monday. We're doing ours tomorrow with the hubs' family.

Thanksgiving has never been a really big deal in our house. There have been many years that we didn't do anything at all. Of course, there was also that infamous year that when we went around the table saying what we were thankful for my Dad half joked "I'm just thankful to still be here."  It was his last thanksgiving.

This year is different though. This year I've got a lot to be thankful for. Not that I didn't in years past but this year it's more in your face.

So, in keeping with the day, I'm going to tell you all that I'm thankful for.

In the words of my Dad, I'm thankful to still be here.

Really.

I was in a very different place at this time last year and though I was thankful for a lot, I wasn't sure what was going to happen with my life - quite literally.

I am here, I am healthy and I am looking forward to only 2 more of my maintenance treatments before I'm officially finished cancer treatments.

I'm thankful for my husband. He gets me. He understand my quirks, my tolerates my moods and he loves me no matter how fat I get. He knows what to say, when to say it and how to say it. He's my rock.

I'm thankful for my kids. I know so many (too many!) women who have lost their children or haven't been able to have children and I never want to take mine for granted. They really are a blessing from God. I've be lost without them. They are the reason I fought cancer as hard as I did because they really are my reason for being.

I'm thankful for my family - my Mom, my brothers, my IL's (yes, I'm one of those rare breeds who actually likes her in laws)  They have all helped me to become the person I am.

I'm thankful for my friends. They are the ones who, over the past year, were my cheering section, my pick me up when I was down and, for some of them, the few people outside of my immediate family who didn't seem to be appalled by my making 'one boob' jokes.

I'm thankful for all I've been blessed with in my life: my home, job, ability to live my life and provide a life for my family that is really very comfortable.

I'm thankful for cancer.

No, you didn't read that wrong.

I'm thankful because it gave me perspective - one I was missing. It gave me a renewed appreciation and love of life, of my family and of my friends. It brought new people into my life who I've come to care about a great deal.

I know that not everyone would see cancer as a gift. I'm sure if I were not well, if I'd not beaten it or had I been terminal then I might see things differently.  But for me, for my journey - while it was a gigantic, horrible nightmare, I was able to find something good in it too.

And I'm thankful for you, dear reader. While I'm sure I would still write it even if no one read it, I quite enjoy that someone does. I hope you find within it some joy, hope, laughs, inspiration and maybe even something that keeps you thinking long after you've turned off your computer.

Uplifted

I promise, I'm still here. Being back to work really interferes with my blogging time. But since the blog doesn't pay my mortgage and the school board does....well, you get the picture.

I am still in that euphoric stage in which I'm in love with my job and more importantly, happy to go to work.  Two weeks in and our class has settled into a nice little routine. I've got a great group of kids and I'm having fun.

I said goodbye to a friend today. It was a bit sad. A coworker. A large part of the reason he left was because of how he was treated by many of the other staff.

Perhaps I have a stronger empathy chip, I remember being the social outcast as a child. Perhaps it's because I see people for what's on the inside, not what they show outwardly. I'll tell you though, this particular friend, while socially awkward and occasionally annoying - I've never met someone with a bigger heart. He was thoughtful. At Christmas he gave me a bunch of bandanna's for my head since I was quite bald at the time. For the 7 months I was off work a week didn't go by that he didn't text or email to see how I was feeling. And it saddened me to see him treated so poorly.

But, he's moving on and hopefully to a place where he'll be treated with a bit more respect. For me, it will be a little quieter at work and a little less entertaining.

On Wednesday I had my 6 month follow up with my oncologist. Everything looks great and I'm still recovering nicely. Yesterday I went for my 15th round of herceptin. Only 3 more to go!! While I was there I was speaking to one of the nurses and she told me a little story.

One of the other patients there is a woman close to my age (she's 42) and she's got colon cancer. She was having a really difficult time; depressed, closed off, not managing well.  She read the journal I'd left in the waiting room (I tried to find a link to a post where I wrote about it but I can't find it right now - so long story short,  I put a journal in the waiting room at the chemo clinic and a note encouraging patients, their families, the volunteers, Dr's and nurses to write in it. I saw one at the radiation clinic and it was very moving)
Anyhow, this woman had read the journal in the waiting room and I guess it made her feel so much better - less alone. So she wrote in it too, telling her story and talking about how afraid she was but being the mother to 3 young kids she was going to fight.

The nurse said after she'd written in the journal it was like a weight had been lifted and she was a whole new person. The nurse thanked me for putting the journal in the waiting room.

It made me feel so uplifted - on top of the world. My whole intention for leaving the journal there was just that - so that everyone else who read it and wrote in it would know they were not alone in their battle against cancer.

Some people once they've beaten cancer don't want the title survivor. They'd rather say they survived cancer and be done with it. I guess it's all semantics but to me - I wear the title Survivor with pride. I worked hard to become one.

It's not to say I don't want to get back to my regular life but this is part of my regular life now. As a colleague says "You're going to play the cancer card?"

Yes, yes I am. Because I fought and won that right. I am a survivor. I wish everyone who fought cancer could say the same.

One day.

September

I can't believe it's September already! This summer has flown by. It was definitely a better summer than last year!!

Shall we catch up?

I spent five days on the west coast of Canada and have to say, I'm in love. I come from the city and while we have our moments of scenic beauty it really pales in comparison to our coasts. My husband is from the east coast of Canada and I truly think it's the most beautiful place on earth....and then I saw the west...and it's just as beautiful.  The only mountains we have here are skyscrapers so I was determined to see a mountain. In fact, Emily's instructions for me were to "jump over a mountain and ride a whale"  So I did just that!


Forgive my pictures, they are completely out of order.

In the absence of real whales to ride I managed to cuddle up to this orca at the airport (we'll just ignore the fact that an orca is actually a dolphin and not a whale)

This was my view from the plane flight there. You can't really tell in the pictures but there were mountains down there. I'm a terrible flier but since I've discovered the wonder that is Ativan I think I could quite possibly even fly to the moon! At this point turbulence wasn't bothering me, I was just thinking "Wow, check out the mountains!!"

Here's my mountain. I'm sure my friends could tell me exactly what mountain it is. They just look at them and know the names. They all look the same to me. I took this one on the ferry heading to the wedding.

This was my view from the Cliffwalk at the Capilano Suspension Bridge. Breathtaking!

 

 

 

 I'm going to be honest, this meant very little to me because I didn't watch the Beachcombers as a kid but Sean was super excited that I ate lunch here.

This is the start of my trek across the Capilano Suspension Bridge. I'm terrified of heights and yet I wasn't the least bit afraid, even after I realized that the bridge sways like crazy! It was amazing!!

I went to BC to meet/visit with some of my PP sisters. It was exciting and scary all at the same time. To spend 5 years talking with someone online is one thing but to go across the country to meet them is a whole new ballgame. And while we have an  easy flow online, in person it could be completely different. Add into this my shyness - and it could have spelled disaster.

Thankfully it was quite the opposite.

My friends made me feel so welcome and it was as if we'd known each other in person, not just online for years. It was comfortable and easy.

Another highlight was that I got to see my childhood best friend. One of the tests of true friendship is being able to go for days, months or in this case 12 years without seeing one another and being able to pick up right where you left off. It was so nice to see my friend and catch up and laugh about old times.

I missed my kids terribly though and as much fun as I had, I was happy to come home.

And now I look ahead to the start of the school year. I'm excited about having money again and about getting into my routine. I've got to stop all the eating I've been doing with Sean's family here and get back to the gym - which has been neglected.

Life is good!!

Spring Tea Fundraiser

Our tea was an overwhelming success! If you look to the right you'll see out little fundraising thermometer has jumped quite a bit. In fact, we were only $212 away from reaching the $2500 goal which, when my Uncle matches our fundraising efforts will put us at our $5000 goal.

We have a garage sale planned for late May so hopefully that will put us over.

So let me tell you about the tea.

We had 26 fabulous baskets for our basket raffle.

We had donations from family, friends, strangers and local businesses of goods and services to build some amazing baskets, including zoo passes, massage gift certificates, Pampered Chef cookware, Scentsy products, Avon......  Let's just say, there were a lot of baskets I wanted to win myself!

My mom and some friends made some amazing sandwiches like asparagus, cucumber/mango, seafood salad. My sister in a law and I made some yummy desserts; brownies, cake pops, and of course...boob cookies. My sister in law provided us with some gorgeous daffodils for the tables.

And the people came.

In fact, we over sold the event and had to bring in more chairs from the next room. And that was with some of the people who bought tickets unable to attend. Not too shabby I think!

Emily and her friend were in charge of the basket raffle

Mary was in charge of admission tickets and door prizes

She also used her cuteness to procure some pledges for her, Connor and Emily.

It was a fun afternoon. We enjoyed some great company, some good food and most of all we raised, in total, over $1200 for the Canadian Cancer Society. I'm proud of what we accomplished!

But I will always set the bar higher - which means next year we'll work harder to raise even more.

And remember, we haven't met our goal yet so if you have not already, please click here and make a donation today. Even if it's only $5. Every little bit helps.

As I Come to the End of This Journey.....

I never thought I'd see this day, when I could look at my calendar and see the squares empty. No doctor's appointments. No treatments. No tests.

Okay, in fairness, there is still herceptin treatments for the next 9 months and a mammogram in June. I will  follow ups with my oncologists (I think in the beginning those are every 3 months) which may or may not involve other tests. I think the fact that my particular breast cancer presented in the lymph nodes first rather than the breast would mean the oncologist will order regular CT scans to make sure my lymph nodes are still clear. But - I really am speculating since I won't see my medical oncologist for my post treatment exam for another 3 weeks.

The point is, as of tomorrow at about 9:30 am I will be officially done active treatment and will move into maintenance. And I couldn't be happier. I want to cry just thinking about it.

I've gone back and read my blog from the beginning of all of this; from when I first discovered the lump in my armpit in May. It's been a long road and I think I've felt every emotion there is. Fear, denial, hope, happiness, anxiety.  I know more about cancer than I ever wanted to and hope and pray I never have to learn more.

I've learned a lot about myself too. We're constantly put through tests in life and have two options, to fold or to fight. I'm a fighter. I knew I was but  didn't know just how hard I could fight and how willingly I'd do so. I've had bad days, sure, but overall I've felt good and strong and ready to kick this cancer shit to the curb.  As I said in the very beginning. I will beat this. I have to. I have too much to live for.

I've also learned a lot about the people around me; my family and friends. There is no way I'd have had the strength to get through any of this without them.

My husband has been my rock. He's been there every step of the way, ready to encourage me, hold me, fight for me when I was too tired or to do it myself. He took care of me when I was sick and celebrated the small victories with me. I couldn't imagine going through this without him. Cancer has brought us closer, it's made our marriage stronger and it's shown us that we can get through anything together.

My kids; my reasons for fighting. My reasons for being. My reasons for getting up in the morning even when I don't feel like it. They have been so great. Understanding, helpful, strong and encouraging. I know they are scared but they put on brave faces. I love them more than I can ever express.

My mom, brothers and sister in laws have also been amazing. They've juggled their schedules to accomodate my treatments, taking care of my kids, taking care of me. Sean has been amazing but there was no way he could do it all himself.  But having my mom and brothers there to take the kids to and from school allowed him to be there for me at treatments. Having my mom and brothers there to take me to treatments when Sean couldn't meant I didn't have to go alone or didn't have to pay for parking (it adds up!) And having them there to encourage me, to tell me they know I can beat this, to build me up when I felt like crap. My mom cleaned my house, did my laundry, fed the kids....all the things I couldn't do when I was run down.  It means the world to me.

My extended family and (IRL) friends.  It's often said that in times of crisis you find out who your true friends are. I most certainly did. I've discovered who falls into the categories of 'those who know me' and 'those who genuinely care'. For a long time I was hurt by certain people who seemed to have fallen off the earth or failed to acknowledge that I was sick. Several people said to me that it might just be that they don't know what to say and for a while I accepted that but now, I feel differently. If someone really cared, wouldn't they put the ackwardness aside and suck it up? Perhaps. But, I don't stress myself about that because what matters to me more is the people who were there for me. The family who checked in frequently (either with me or my mom) the friends who sent me emails, text messages, phone calls and cards. The friends who brought my dinner, who offered me housekeeping, who gave me head scarves, who brought me boob cakes. The family and friends who did none of those things but instead had a normal every day conversation with me about normal every day things so that I'd feel like a normal every day person and that cancer had not taken over every aspect of my life. It's all the people who supported me that I'm thankful for.

And last, but certainly not least - my cheering section, my chemo angels, my Pumpkin Patch sisters. They seem to have  knack of knowing when I've been feeling down and a card shows up in my mailbox (sometimes covered in glitter!) or an email shows up in my inbox with a note from one of them. I'm not 100% sure but I think they made a list of who was to send cards to me  and when so that for the length of my treatment I'd get a card in the mail cheering me on. Some were funny, some were sweet and all brought tears to my eyes because it meant someone out there was thinking of me.
I made a scrapbook with the cards I've gotten from them all - over 100 cards because if there is one memory I want to take away from this whole thing it's that there are beautiful people in the world and I have the pleasure of knowing a lot of them.  I'm lucky to have my PP sisters and I've said it several times before - one day I will give each and every one of them a hug in person.

Cancer is not a journey one fights alone. I don't think anyone can fight it alone and win. I've been blessed - cancer has shown me the beauty in the people around me. I'm lucky to have them in my life.
And I couldn't have fought this battle without them.

I still have a long road ahead. I have 9 months of maintenance and will be anxious until I hit the 5 year cancer free mark but for now - I've crossed one giant bridge - with an army of people behind me.

The Impossible Surprise

Throwing a surprise party can be challenging enough but it can downright impossible when you are throwing a party for someone in their own home...and they live with you.

I've not been able to really talk about what I've been up to for the past several weeks  because I've been planning a surprise 65th birthday party for my mom and she sometimes reads my blog. And she lives with me. And the party was here at our house. Needless to say, it was all very challenging.

My brothers and sisters in law were a huge help in pulling it off too. And I'm sure they'll all be thrilled when I go back to work and have something to keep me busy. Every week I was sending emails with excel spreadsheets attached with the guest list and menu. There just might be such a thing as too organized.

The trick to planning this party was that I had to let my mom think I was going to a party - because I was making the birthday cake and 1/3 of the food. I managed to slide the food past her (though she questioned my 4 packs of cocktail tomatoes - I made these appetizers. I told her, several weeks ago, that a friends husband had asked me to make a birthday cake for my friends 40th birthday. I mentioned it here. Yes, sorry dear readers, I lied to you too. See, if my friends husband had indeed asked me to make a cake for her I would have written about it in my blog (because she doesn't read it) and I needed my mom to believe it.

This was the cake. I must say, I'm incredibly proud of it.

My mom went on a cruise a few weeks ago and it bought me 10 solid days of cleaning (not that I don't clean my house all the time but the kind of cleaning one does for regular cleaning and the kind of cleaning one does for a party is very different) shopping and final preparations.

The next trick in this whole productions was the guest list. I invited over 75 people (thankfully not everyone came because I couldn't have accommodated them all in my house) but roughly 60 of them did. More exciting was that my Dad's brother and his wife came up from Georgia for the party and my Mom's cousin came in from New Brunswick.  This was my next challenge. My Dad's brother was fine, he stays with his sister but my Mom's cousin was staying with us. So I had to figure out how to get her from the airport, find somewhere for her to stay the night before the party without my mom knowing she was here. Luckily all my years of high school lies paid off and I told her I was going to my sister in law's sister's baby shower on Friday night (the shower is actually next weekend) and went to pick my mom's cousin up from the airport and brought her over to my brother's house for the night.

Yesterday morning (the day of the party) I arranged for a friend of my mom's to take her out for the morning. Mother nature decided to rear her ugly head for the first time this winter and dumped some snow on us. Not a lot, 5 or 6 cm maybe but it's the most snow we've seen all winter. It meant some people couldn't come to the party - those who had to drive up from the snowbelt where they got even more snow.
So my mom left, my brothers and sisters in law came over and we got to work, moving the furniture around (we have a large living room/dining room and a smaller living room so we combined the two living rooms into the big room and put the dining table into the small living room.) and putting together all the food.  We got everything in place and the guest started to arrive.

I have a pretty big house but it was bursting at the seams with people. Thankfully I had enough chairs for everyone. And food. Holy crap we had A LOT of food (not a bad deal really, my brothers and I were able to divvy up what was left to take home)

At 2 pm my mother came home. We'd told her (yet another lie) that we were painting the foyer so that she'd be forced to come in the garage door - directly into the room we were holding the party in. She came in the door and was greeted with the surprise.

This was the reaction.

After she got over her initial shock she began to make her way around the room and as she noticed people she'd say "Oh my God!" and hug them. So she  oh-my-God'd a friend that she used to work with who she's not seen for some time. Then she oh-my-God'd her brother and sister in law. The she oh-my-God'd some friends that she'd been on the cruise with, only 3 days before. Then she saw her cousin (by now she'd been oh-my-Goding for 5 minutes.) and when she saw her cousin she actually screamed "OH MY GOD, BETTY!" Clearly a good surprise.

So the party went well. She was truly surprised. She had a lot of fun. We had a lot of food leftover and my hips and feet are killing me. All in all a great party!!

By some miracle we pulled off a surprise party in the recipients own home. Booyah!  



Why I love Michael's and Other Random Nonsense

I've been a bad little blogger again. I'm neglecting my lovely readers. Sorry. Been busy.

I was asked by my friend's husband to make a  cake for her 40th birthday so I've been getting my supplies together for that. I'm pretty excited. It's going to be gorgeous....assuming I don't screw it up. If it turns out good I'll post a picture for you to oooh and ahhh.  If it turns out crappy....well, I'm not going to mention it again and you'll all forget. Haha.

All these supplies are not cheap though, new cake pans, fondant, a nifty mold to make the decorations...but you see, there is one thing Michael's offers that most other stores don't. 40% off coupons....almost all the time! So today I printed out 5 of them. One per customer per day you say? HA! My mom and I went this morning with a coupon each and bought some fondant. This evening Emily, my Mom and I all went again and bought more fondant and the mold.  So all the stuff I bought cost me $55 instead of $91. 
I never go to Michael's without a coupon and will happily make several trips just to fully utilize that discount.

My mom and I are going to take the Wilton Cake decorating class at Michael's in March. I love making cakes and the ones I've made have turned out pretty good but the truth is, I've been winging it, asking advice from friends who know what they are doing and searching YouTube for helpful videos. That's only going to get me so far. Maybe if I get good at it I can turn it into a little side business.

I've also been planning for the Spring Tea. Tickets have already started to sell and we've got some great prizes lined up. We've still got lots of time though so I'm not going to really turn on the overpowering sales pitch until March.

I redecorated the bathroom today. What I want to do is paint it but it's just not in the budget right now so instead I bought new bath mats, new shower curtains and took out an old ugly shelf that was in there. I also bought new towels and wash cloths. Ironically, after having done that I realized it probably would have been cheaper to buy the paint but then after painting I would have had to buy all those things to go with the new paint....you see how that works.

My energy levels are coming back up and while I do fade out around 3 or 4 pm I usually bounce back and feel better around supper time. I'm told radiation will make me tired but so far...not so much. I do now have some pinkness on my chest so I'm putting my cream on twice a day. Hopefully it won't get too bad.

I learned today that a friend's boyfriend had a stroke on the weekend, a pretty big one. I'm a firm believer in the power of prayer (look how much it's done for me!) so I'm asking any of you who are inclined to pray to send some up that his recovery is complete and not too difficult. I'm sure he's got a long road ahead.

And so, dear friends, I'm off now to watch some tv, drink some wine and put my feet up.

Nitey nite.

The Amazing Mind and a Plea

The human brain is really a remarkable thing. The way our minds help us cope with things is truly amazing.

Take childbirth for instance. For those of us who've had the pleasure, we can tell you the pain is awful. With Emily, they turned my epidural off when it was time to push and being that she was my first child, I spent nearly an hour pushing. With Mary, she came so quickly there was no time for an epidural and so I felt it all. With Connor I had an epidural but because his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck twice the placenta was being pulled away from my uterus and while I didn't feel the pain of his delivery, I felt the pain of that.

And yet any mother will tell you that almost the instant the baby is delivered that pain becomes a memory and while we can tell you it was excruciating, we don't really actually remember the pain. It's that ability to forget the pain that allows us to have more than one child.

The same thing can be said for the memory of the side effects of chemo. I think back now to my 6 treatments and they are but a memory. I feel better, I don't remember the horrible nausea I had with the first three treatments. I don't remember the psychological issues I had with water (I'm managing to drink some again - though ice is still a trouble spot) I don't remember the burning bone pain and exhaustion and mouth sores from the last three treatments. My mind has overcome that. It's really quite amazing.

Though unlike having more children, I truly hope and pray that I never have to endure that again.

I most definitely have lymphedema in my right arm. It's not too bad, though I suspect that with radiation it's going to get worse. I've been calling my right hand my sausage hand. I can't wear my rings anymore, my bracelet is a bit tighter and if I use my hand a lot it swells up horribly and is quite painful. My arm is not as swollen but it is a bit. I'm convinced it's from the tattooing for radiation because there has been nothing else that's happened to my arm or hand on that side. My only hope is that it doesn't get worse.

On to other news now. Big news!!

We've begun planning for our Spring Tea Fundraiser. This is our main fundraising event for our Relay for Life team . We did a tea last year and it was a great success - we raised over $800 for the Canadian Cancer Society and this year we're hoping to raise a whole lot more.

Last year we had all of the Papa's Pride merchandise for sale. We sold a lot of tote bags, some greeting cards, and some photos. We had a raffle - two tickets for Class Act Dinner Theatre and many door prizes!

This year, we're going to do all that again but we'd also like to get enough stuff together to do a silent auction as well. So I'm putting the call out - here in my blog, on FB and anywhere else people might hear me. We're asking for your help! We are looking for donations of items that can be used in a silent auction.  It can be just about anything: gift cards, housewares, home decor, beauty supplies, etc. If you are a business owner - we would be happy to acknowledge your businesses generosity (we will acknowledge everyone's generosity!)
If you are able to donate items for our silent auction or raffle please contact me asap. And thank you!!

And for everyone else, please visit our  Papa's Pride blog and check out the info about the tea. If you're local, we'd love for you to come and enjoy the afternoon with us. If you're not local, you're welcome to buy a ticket anyway (it's still a donation to a very important cause!)

This has, for obvious reasons, become more important to me than ever before. Any donations - both as pledges or for our auction - are greatly appreciated.

Good Bye 2011. You Won't Be Missed.

Not since 2006 have I been so happy as to see a year end. In a perfect world I'd be starting 2012 with a clean bill of health rather than looking forward to my final Docetaxol treatment.

I've spent some time reading my blog, from last year at this time when life was grand, I had a fabulous new job that I loved, everything was coming up roses for me and my life was headed toward perfection.

And then the tone of my blog slowly declined when I started feeling tired all the time (in March/April - which when I think back may have been when all this started) and then when I found the lump in May it all went downhill.  I was about to add, much like my life, but the truth is, I don't think my life really has gone downhill. At least not totally, maybe just down the bunny slopes a bit. Sure I feel run down and tired all the time. Sure I'm scared completely shitless most of the time. Sure there are days that I don't even want to get out of bed.....but I do. I do because of these little people

And this guy....



So I went back and read my goals from last year.   It was interesting to see which ones I accomplished and which I didn't.

1. More patience? Sort of. I still have my moments but cancer has shown me that the little things don't really matter as much as they used to and I tend to not lose it over the silly things as easily. I pick my battles a bit better. I'm also not losing it with Mary as much as I used to.

2.  Better with money? Definitely!! We managed to clear our debt in the spring and while we do have some again it's because of circumstance, not because of careless spending. Once I'm back to work the remaining debt will be easily obliterated.

3.  Reconnect with an old friend. Sort of. We went to dinner twice. It was fun but I think we are at two very different places in life and I'm not entirely sure how we'd be able to rebuild a concrete friendship.  Sometimes people are just too different.

4.  Meeting one of the Pumpkin Patch Moms?  Yep, I got to meet two and it was fabulous! Now more than ever before the PP Mommies have become so important to me. Nothing could have ever prepared me for how supportive they have been to me in the last 6 months. I'm in the process of making a scrapbook to hold all the cards and letters I've received from them.

5.  Getting out of my comfort zone and trying something new? HAHAHA, what a freakin' joke. Yeah, I accomplished that goal because it was thrust upon me without my consent. Personally, I would have been more than happy to try something like sky diving or mountain climbing but I suppose having a body part removed and filling my body with all sorts of toxins counts.  I did make new friends though by branching out and joining a support group.

I guess that means it's time for me to set a whole new batch of goals for 2012.

1. This might be painfully obvious but my first and biggest goal is to beat cancer. I want to be a survivor. And not just this year but every year. When we do the Relay for Life in June I want to walk that survivor lap and wear the yellow shirt.  I want to start my cancer free countdown.

2. I'm going to get healthy. Not just cancer free but healthy. I joined the gym last year and I loved it. I'm going to do that again, as soon as I get the okay from the Dr. I'm going to exercise, get fit and eat right. Probably not all the time, let's be honest, but a whole lot more than now. I'm not going to indulge weekly, but maybe once a month. I need to get healthy in order to accomplish my first goal.

3. I'm going to take more pictures. I know I already take a million but I'm going to take more. I have a fabulous lens but I'm still learning how to use it. I'm going to do that this year and have some fabulous shots.

4.  I'm going to make some great memories with my kids this year. I'm not sure what yet, but something that they'll always look back fondly on.

5. I'm going to do something for me. As Mom's we often put our families first, and rightfully so but the events of the past few months have taught me that it's okay to take time for yourself too, to be selfish sometimes and to do things for yourself occasionally.

6.  I'm going to let my family and friends know each and every day that I love and appreciate them.

7.  I will meet another PP Mom. At last count there were over 30 and I've only met 2. I have a lot of hugs to dish out.

8. I will finish writing the book I've been working on.  It might never get read and likely never published but at least it will get written.

Some of those might be lofty goals but I'm sure I can accomplish them. I can do anything I set my mind to. I'm just that stubborn.

So rather than looking back at a year that for large portion of it sucked....I'm going to look forward, to a new life, a healthy life and a happy life.

And to all of you, I wish you a year of happiness, good health and good fortune. And Love.

I've been really slacking lately, I'm sorry. Between the holidays, the kids being home from school, my feeling crappy and then having my energy surge, I've just not found the time to blog.
I've got a lot on my mind. The new year ahead for one. I'm thinking about going back to work and when that will be. I'm now toying with the idea of going back at the beginning of April instead of after March break. Partly because no matter what I'm not going to have the hours in to collect employment insurance this summer so why rush myself back so soon after treatment and partly because Sean will be on holidays for the last week of March and first week of April so I'd like to use that opportunity to take our family somewhere to celebrate the end of my treatment and my (hopefully) clean bill of health.  The debate now just lies on where we go. I personally want to take the kids to Florida but the money is just not there and I doubt I'll be able to convince him.

Sean has been working nights over the holidays so I've been staying up a lot later than I normally do. (I hate when he works nights) Of course, Connor still wakes at 7 am sharp and expects me to get up with him. I'm thinking it's high time he start getting up and watching tv for a while while I doze for a while longer. The problem is that he is one of those people who likes to eat breakfast right when he wakes up and since he can't make his own breakfast I'm stuck getting up. Blah.

This Christmas was the first year I didn't feel like we were overrun with toys and clutter. When it came time for the Christmas tear down I didn't feel overwhelmed with 'stuff'. It was fantastic!  And even though we got three new appliances (a deep fryer, a popcorn popper and a kitchenaid mixer) I still managed to declutter the kitchen counters and make the kitchen look bigger (I have a really crappy, small, galley kitchen. I hate my kitchen and it's the one thing I wish I could change about this house. One day maybe)

Tomorrow is New Years eve. Sean is working. My girlfriends are going to come over for yummies and drinks and perhaps some cards too. I"m looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to a new year. A better year.

One can hope!

Bad Little Blogger

I'm sorry I've been so MIA lately. I've been shirking my blogging responsibilities. Where has Tasty Tuesday been and where has Shameless Plug Sunday gone? They'll be back, I promise, I've just been knee deep in Christmas, ( I thought I was done...Hahaha, silly me!) and chemo and decluttering...just to name a few things.

Where to start?

Tomorrow is chemo number 5. For those keeping track I have one more after this (Praise the Lord!).  I didn't suffer as much with this chemo but my energy level is lower than it used to be and the effects lasted longer. This one's effects last longer and there were two three days where the pain was ridiculous but overall I'm handling it better. The downside is my nails. My toe nails, in particular are thinning and I fear I will lose them before this is all over. I'm wearing my nail hardener and polish like I was told to. Oh well.

On the weekend I took Connor and Mary to the Hearthplace Christmas party. It was for kids who were in the kids connect program (kids who's parents have cancer) and for the kids who have cancer themselves. It was a lot of fun, the kids had a blast. They had different activity stations for the kids to do Christmas crafts. They had treats and coffee for us grown ups. They had a magician, Larry Potter. He was great. They had this little area that was divided off, no adults allowed,  for the kids to go into and they went "shopping" for gifts for their parents and then wrapped them. So under the tree now are two gift each for Sean and I that are truly a surprise and picked out by the kids themselves. I'm so excited to see that they are.
While we were there we got to see the little guy who Mary had donated her toys to. I didn't get a chance to meet the mom because it was so busy. But I have to relay the cutest story ever.

So the little boy from this post was sitting and waiting patiently for his turn to sit on Santa's knee. Santa called his name and he ran up and sat with him, smile from ear to ear. Santa talks to him and gives him a gift. The little boy tears into the gift right then and there and one of the toys was a beyblade. Well, his mom told me later (I'll explain about meeting her in a minute) that the one thing he'd asked for was a beyblade. The kid went NUTS. Screaming, jumping up and down, hugging Santa....I've never seen a kid more happy than he was right then and there. It was fabulous. It made the day to see it.

I've had a burst of energy and thought it was time to get my crawl space cleaned up....again. Only this time I'm trying to declutter some more. I had 8 file boxes of resources for work. The thing is, with my new job, 90% of what I've accumulated in the past 15 years is of no use to me anymore. But I didn't want to just recycle it. That was my sweat, blood and tears. So I offered it up on freecycle to anyone who wanted it. I'm really fussy with who I give things to on freecycle. I want manners in a reply. I don't want the person to assume that just because they want it I'm going to give it to them. If they don't have manners I'd sooner drop it off at Goodwill than give it to them. And I tend to give things to people I've given things to before...I don't need my address floating around out there too much.

Anyway, one of the people who replied was the Mom of the little boy mentioned above. Turns out, she's a teacher and will be teaching JK/SK next year. So I gave them all to her. Mary and I got to meet her this afternoon and she sounds like a really nice person. I was glad to help her and her little guy out.

Finally I got me a new wig. Sean and I went Monday night and I tried on about 10 of them with the help of a stylist. She looked at a pic of me I brought from when I loved my hair and we played around with colour, length and style. I finally settled on one that Sean seemed to really like and it's growing on me. It will take some getting used to though.

But now, dear reader, I'm going to leave you high and dry without a picture of me  and my new do. You see, for any of you ladies who've ever been to a salon, you know the harsh lighting makes you look totally washed out when you're not wearing make up and since I've already washed my face and haven't yet had a chance to take a pic...you're gonna have to wait. Soon though, I promise. When I'm all dressed up for my work Christmas party on Friday.

Tata!

Where does the time go?

9 years ago today I was sitting on the couch in the dining room, getting ready to take Emily to the zoo. I stood up and sploosh (yep, that was the sound it made) my water broke. 7 hours later Mary Jo was born.

Mary was by far, my easiest labour and my easiest delivery. She was also 9 days early. I am convinced it's because a few days earlier we'd gone on a very bumpy sleigh ride to get a real Christmas tree.

My water broke at about 8:30 in the morning and I didn't start having contractions until 1:30pm. By the time they got painful enough to get an epidural it was too late to get one and I was ready to push. And it was only 3:30 pm. Two pushes later, there she was

Mary has been full of spunk since the day she was born. Her personality reflects her red hair and she keeps me on my toes. She's funny, smart, beautiful, caring, generous and loving. She's a fabulous big sister to Connor and a great little sister to Emily. And she knows just how to push everyones buttons to make them crazy. I wouldn't trade her for the world. And I can't believe she's 9 already. We've reached that point where she's in between little kid and big kid. I had a few parents ask me what she'd like for her birthday and this year, I was at a total loss. She still likes toys (sometimes) but she also likes the 'big kid' stuff like shopping, iPods and brand name clothes (though she's still too tiny to shop at a lot of those stores)  

We had her birthday party yesterday. That was an interesting experience. We had a luau themed party, which in the end worked out to be grass skirts and lei's, a tiki themed cake and a tiki pinata. We also had a daiquiri bar (smoothies) and fruit kabobs. I do have to pat myself on the back because besides the chocolate in the pinata (one of her friends has a peanut allergy so I couldn't fill the pinata with a standard pinata filler - I had to buy the safe/peanut free stuff)  I managed to throw a birthday party with fruit as the snacks and the kids were begging for more. Ha ha, jokes on them...they had healthy stuff at a party.

I told Mary earlier in the day that while her friends were here I'd wear my scarf (I don't wear it at home) so her friends wouldn't be wigged out (no pun intended) by her bald mom. She told me I didn't need to, all her friends knew her Mom had cancer and that she had no hair. I opted to wear it anyway, more so because for the most part, I don't think the parents knew and I didn't want to shock them at the door.

I was right. It wasn't so apparent with the parents of the kids I didn't know since they'd never met me (and vice versa) so I couldn't gauge their expressions but with the parents of the kids I do know. I could see the change in their eyes. The realization. The "Oh, my!"   I actually joked with Sean because one of the Dad's came and was walking with a cane and I said to Sean "I really wanted to know what was up with the cane and he really wanted to know what was up with the head scarf and neither of us asked" 

What I find the most interesting is the kids reaction. Kids amaze me. They are so non chalant, relaxed and matter of fact. I remember being worried the first time Mary's bff slept over after I'd shaved my head. She's known me for most of her life and to see me the first time with no hair I expected a bit of a double take, stare or even a blatant "Whoa, you look weird!" (because she's comfortable enough with us to say that without it being taken the wrong way) but there was none of that. It was almost as if she didn't even notice I was bald. And Mary's friends were the same way, they didn't even seem to notice the head scarf or lack of hair. I sometimes think adults could take a lesson from kids. Not that the reaction from adults bothers me - mostly - but I can't stand the head tilt/sympathy look. Don't feel sorry for me. Sure it sucks but I'm not sitting around feeling sorry for myself and I don't want pity from anyone. This is a bump in the road of my life and it's going to make me and my family stronger when it's all said and done.

Anyhow, the party was a great success. Mary and her friends had a blast. I'm sure my neighbours wanted to call the cops because there were seven 9 year old girls in the backyard screaming at the top of their lungs. And my beautiful, intelligent, bundle of energy was the loudest of them all.

And I wouldn't trade that for anything....well, some earplugs maybe.

Shameless Plug Sunday - The Snuggled Stitch

I've said, fairly often, that I'm done having kids. So my need for bibs, burp cloths and the like is, well, not there. But then I saw the Rah Rah Ruffle Pants and I was sold!

Today's plug is for The Snuggled Stitch.  You can visit the Etsy Shop here.

And it's not just bibs and burp cloths (though if you're still in that stage and need those things, she's got 'em!) but the Rah Rah Ruffle Pants are so cute!! If my girls were young enough that they'd wear them, I'd get them a pair each - maybe with Canadien's material to make Daddy happy.

Amanda, the owner and creator of these super cute creations has recently added embroidery to her repertoire and I've fallen in love with the Christmas hand towels.

I'm in the process of having a skirt made for Mary. It's a 'very Mary' skirt. You'll recall, Mary's style is Phoebe (from Friends) meets Herb Tarlek (WKRP) smashed together with Punky Brewster (or Blossom, depending on which generation you're from)  She's got a style all her own and the skirt Amanda is creating will reflect that. I can't wait to see it!

I highly recommend visiting her Facebook Page (go ahead and 'like' it while you're there) and her Etsy Shop. She's got a lot of great products and does great custom work!

So Far, So Good

I don't want to jinx it though.

I went to dinner last night with my Mom, Sean, my Aunt, my cousin and two friends to celebrate my Dad's birthday. We went to Harpos. It was an excellent meal, despite my not feeling too great. I had the onion soup, salmon fillet and cherry cheesecake.

The side effects of this treatment are starting to kick in. I woke at 2 hour intervals all night last night. My face and neck are quite red. My mouth is tingling, though I'm being very religious about brushing and rinsing with the prescription strength mouthwash after every meal. My mouth feels much like how it feels after you've burned your mouth on coffee of hot soup. If I can keep the mouth sores away I'll be a happy camper.

My legs and back are aching too. I've got my percocets but I'm rationing, my oncologist thinks Tylenol 3's should do the trick...I don't know though. I took one before dinner last night and it didn't do squat. The problem is the percs make me loopy. Can't win for trying.

But again, so far, the side effects of this are a hell of a lot better than the side effects of the red devil so I'll take it.  I'm just a little edgy.

In my effort to purge my house of all that is clutter we had to address the issue of Mary's stuffed animals. Mary had upwards of 100 stuffed animals that she was having a hard time parting with. I didn't want to insist she just dump them off at Value Village and we could have freecycled them but I wanted to find a way of making it more meaningful for her. So I came up with a plan.

We made up bags of 10 stuffies (Webkinz and Build A Bears) and posted them for sale online. We offered each bag for $5 each. Mary will then take the money she gets for those stuffies to buy toys for the local toy drive. I posted the ad yesterday morning and she's already sold all of her bags (plus a few people donated without actually buying and stuffies) and she's raised $55!! So next week when I'm feeling better I'll take her out to buy a load of toys to drop off at the fire hall. I'm so proud of her (and she is so proud of herself too!) 

And though she's got the reward of knowing she's done something remarkable,  paid it forward and done some good in the world, she's still young and I don't want her to go unrewarded, she did, after all, purge over 70 much loved stuffed  animals. So I matched each sale and she now has $50 of her own to spend in anyway she wants. (after her birthday and Christmas of course!)

My post is a little jumpy today, my apologies. I'm fogged by chemo and percocets but I'm here, I'm doing pretty good so far and hoping it doesn't get much worse.

Happy Saturday everyone.

Number 4 DONE!!

This was truly the longest day ever. Okay, maybe next to the day I had my mastectomy. But damn it was long.
My treatment was scheduled for 9 so my brother came for me at 8 (rush hour traffic and all) We were moved from the usual Thursday to Wednesday because the nurses at the chemo clinic are all attending a seminar or conference tomorrow.

I saw my oncologist right away, and again, I can't stress enough how much I love this guy, he's so very calming even with his frank, to the point bedside manner. He's also gentle and comforting without coddling. Anyhow, he said my blood levels were great. I read my sheet and some of my levels were in the category of being out of the norm (chemo fog will not allow me to remember the word for that category right now) but for instance the normal range for red blood count is 3.80-something and mine was 3.55. Low but not low enough to warrant missing a treatment or a neulasta shot (that's a bone marrow booster and I understand from some new friends also battling breast cancer that it's quite bitch, burning bone pain and such so I'm glad I don't need it.) It's insanely expensive and though my insurance would cover it I'd have to miss a treatment first.

Also, my stress echo results came back and I'm so happy (and relieved in light of the chest pains I've been having) that all my heart functions are completely normal and there are no concerns for a significant cardiac episode. That was my baseline test and I'll have to have it done about every three months for the next year while I'm having my herceptin treatments because it does have an affect on the heart.

So, because this was my first treatment with both herceptin and docetaxel (taxotere) I was given some extra drugs. I took 4 steroids yesterday, two this morning at home, my Emend (for nausea) and then at the hospital they gave me 5 more steroids, another anti nausea (can't spell the name of that one) and then 2 Tylenol 3's and a benedryl. And then tonight I take another 2 steroids. Yes folks, I am a walking pharmaceutical lab...a total of 14 pills today - and 9 of them are steroids. If I started going to the gym I could probably win a body builder competition by the end of the year...but can you say hello constipation. Yeah, great. I had McDonald's on my way home from the hospital, hopefully that will take care of that.

They gave me a larger dose of herceptin for my first round, it ran for 90 minutes. The Dr said it's generally well tolerated and I shouldn't have any side effects from it at all. Yay. The next years worth of doses will only run for 30 minutes so that's good.
Then the gave me the Taxotere. This one they started off slowly, 50/ml drip. This was the drug I was worried about as there is a roughly 10% chance of having an severe adverse reaction to it. And with my tendency to be a giant pain in the ass (you'll recall the breast cancer that can't actually be found in my breast) I figured I could very well fall into that 10%.  But they gave me that plethora of pills to help prevent that. Anyhow my brother was instructed to watch my face for redness or swelling. Thankfully there was none so each 15 minutes or so they'd speed up the drip by 50/ml until I was up to 250 at a good speedy drip. But it still took 2 hours for the full bag to empty.

So this treatment, all tolled took about 4 hours. I felt terrible for my brother. He worked nights last night, stopped at home to change, picked me up and didn't get home until probably 3 pm and he's got to work tonight again. But it was good to have him there to keep me occupied (and I kept him out of  working the Occupy Eviction....ha ha, see my play on words there.) Though when the benedryl kicked in, I can remember we were talking the whole time but I don't really remember about what....I was pretty loopy.  They gave me ice mittens and slippers to wear - this it to constrict the blood cells in your nails to prevent neuropathy. And instead of ice chips I brought more ice cream, though it was hard to eat with the mittens.

So far, I'm feeling okay. My hands and cheeks are tingling a bit. My mouth is dry and my lips feel chapped. From the other ladies I've spoken to the side effects take a few days to kick in, though I heard that about the FEC too and mine always kicked in right away. But I've bushing after everytime I eat and rinsing with biotene to prevent mouth sores. I've got nail strengthener and dark nail polish on my toes and fingers, despite my pure hatred of nail polish on my fingers to protect my nails. I've got my prescriptions for pain killers at the ready (for the bone aches) and hopefully these treatments will go better for me. Fingers crossed.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving in the US so to my American friends

Friday will have been my Dad's 65th birthday. I'm hoping to feel well enough to join my mom and family and friends in dinner to celebrate his day and mourn that he couldn't be with us here to celebrate it. But I know he's up there now, having a chat with the Big Guy and asking him to heal me and spare me the same fate he had. He's one of my many Guardian Angels and I couldn't think of a better person to have up there watching over me.

I Survived!

Yesterday was Sean's first day back to work. I joked that he was throwing me to the wolves because it's the first time I've been home alone for any length of time with all three kids. 

I kept myself pretty busy and the day flew by. We went to church, I chatted with my coworker when she came by to collect yet another diaper cake (this was one was fabulous....I had a $100 budget to work with and it was my best one yet.

Later on I did some googling. (get your mind out of the gutter you perv) because I had a few diapers left over and wanted to find an interesting way to use them for a future diaper cake or creation and I found something so freakin' cute I had to try and make it right away. I used some old bibs, receiving blankets and socks of Connor's and a water bottle instead of a baby bottle but you get the point. It will look awesome when I make one with new, coordinated, proper baby things. 

Introducing......diaper bike!

I also made a big huge crockpot of homemade baked beans (watch for that in an upcoming Tasty Tuesday)

Then I did what I do best of all, I cleaned. I cleaned the ever lovin' shit out of my bathroom. Haha, interesting choice of expression for the room I cleaned.

Not only was the smell of it getting to me (not a bad smell, it's the smell of the Lysol wipes, it lingers but much like the smell of IV tubing or the thought of ice, it makes me nauseous and I've been struggling to spend any length of time in the bathroom because of it. So I cleaned it, with good old fashioned Comet. I also cleaned out the drawers that housed lotions, and potions and old bandaid wrappers and a myriad of things we don't use. I also cleaned out the cabinets. We have two glass door cabinets that are nice for putting nice little baskets for soaps and such but after a while they become catch alls and lose their aesthetic appeal . I also de-toyed the tub a bit and purged the growing collection of bathroom reading material.

And the finishing touch, the snowman shower curtain went up. I can't decorate for Christmas yet, not until after Mary's birthday but there is no rule that says my snowman collection can't slowly make its appearance. I love snowmen and have a pretty sizable collection of them, candle holders, stuffed things, cookie jars, statues. It's all good.

So, I made it. A whole day without Sean here. I say that like it's an accomplishment and 6 months ago that would have been a laughable statement but it's amazing how fast things change.

Today, I'm going to finish my Christmas shopping. I'm looking forward to that. I've got a list of what I want to get Sean but because he was always with me I couldn't get any of it.

Chemo is early this week. They called and switched me to Wednesday. It means Sean can't come with me, his days off are Thursday/Friday.

I'm scared out of my mind for this treatment. It's new, Taxol, and this is the one they say you can have an allergic reaction to. I'm also worried about the side effects of this one (deep bone ache, mouth sores, brittle nails) And, I'm starting herceptin on Wednesday too. I don't think there are side effects associated with it...but I don't really know.

This week is messed up though because Sean can't take me to chemo and my Mom can't pick up Connor, she has a funeral to go to. So my brother, John, is taking me to chemo. He's a calming person, his personality (and his job) make him level headed and he's always been good at making me feel better when I'm panicked so I thought he was good choice.  My brother Brian is picking up Connor up from school. Connor will love that. He thinks Uncle Brian is pretty cool and he'll have one of his cousins to play with (not sure which one, the go to school on alternating days - but either way it's cool to have a cousin your age or a year older to play with)  

I noticed on my little counter at the bottom of the screen that I'm only 42 visitors away from 30,000 visits! (it doesn't count me) Most of that was padded in August and early September when my counter was spinning like the Griswold's electric meter at Christmas because of my 12 weeks and craving pickles post.

It's pretty exciting and I'm flattered that that many people are interested in reading. And to think this blog was started as something I didn't even tell anyone about - as a way to get thoughts out.

Too bad I have no way of knowing who my 30,000th visitor is, I'd have a giveaway.



This One's for Sean

Sean suggested I share this story with you....

A few months ago we were in Scarborough, I don't remember why, probably the Dr, it's the only reason we go to Scarborough, but whatever we were doing, we were early because we stopped at a Tim Horton's. We went in and got coffee and I got myself a Bagel Belt (as a side note, I always order my BELT with no B (bacon) I don't like the bacon they use so I just like egg, lettuce and tomato. But everytime I order it "a bagel belt on toasted whole wheat with NO meat (you can get sausage instead of bacon)." For some reason this translates to "toasted whole wheat bagel with egg and cheese and nothing else. I was not aware that lettuce and tomato were meat products.  But I digress....

We decided to sit in the car to eat, I think I must have just done treatment recently and didn't want to expose my immune system to the germs of a Scarborough Timmie's...

As we're sitting in the car a high end BMW pulls in and parks in front of us. A very well dressed man gets out and goes into Timmies. He comes out a few minutes later with an extra large coffee. He gets into his car but doesn't close the door. We see him lean out with a Starbucks cup, take the lid off, pour some coffee onto the ground, take the lid off the Timmies cup and pour the Tim Horton's coffee into the Starbucks cup. Yep, I shit you not. Then he chucks the Timmies cup onto the ground and drives away.

He was, what Sean called, the epitome of douche bag.

We both had to laugh at the whole situation. Here's the guy in his expensive car, in probably an expensive suit (I don't know suits) and God forbid he be seen drinking {shudder} Tim Horton's!! No, no, one must maintain an image and must only be seen with a Starbucks cup.  And I'll be he tells everyone that at home he only drinks Kopi Luwak but since you can't get that just anywhere he has to settle {sigh} for Starbucks.

Of course, he might be on to something here. A large latte from Timmies is something like $2.50 and at Starbucks it's something like $6.00?  (in fairness I could be wrong, I only drink Tassimo Lattes .... I only drink Timmies coffee and that's a only a buck and a half.) Maybe that's how he affords the beamer.

For what it's worth, I've had both Starbucks Lattes and McDonald's Lattes and I preferred the McDonald's one, hands down.

Of course, I remember once upon a time posting about not understanding the whole label thing and how I'd never in a million years own a Coach purse because I wouldn't spend that kind of money on a bag and yet, now I have one and when I heard my bff was selling some of hers I jumped all over the chance to buy one or two.....

So who's the real douche bag here?

Busy Busy

It's been a busy week!

On Monday I had lunch with my mom, my Aunt, my great Aunt, and three of my cousins. I had the very best reuben I've had in a long time. Of course, it might have just been because I was so hungry but wow....it was good and if I wouldn't have looked like a big, fat pig, I might have ordered another one.

On Tuesday I went with Sean to the Dr. He's been having a pain for some that we thought might be a hernia. Apparently it's not...(though the Dr  - a surgeon in the same office as my surgeon - said there was a chance it could be something called an occult hernia. I actually laughed out loud and he gave me a strange look. Me with Occult Breast Cancer and Sean with an Occult hernia? See why I laughed?) Anyway, the Dr thinks it's just a pulled muscle.
I also made a kick ass diaper cake for a coworkers new baby. It's the pink one here

On Wednesday I had to go for a stress echo. I did not like this one bit. For those who've never had the pleasure....
I got hooked up to a heart monitor. I sat around for a half hour waiting for my turn to have an ultrasound. In that time, (I was nearly falling asleep) my heart rate was anywhere in between 86 and 112. I just naturally have a fast heart rate. As I'm sitting there I'm listenging to an old man behind a curtain getting his ultrasound. The tech is clearly having a hard time and finally tells him he needs to have a contrast to get a better picture.
Finally, it's my turn to have the ultrasound. So the tech is pushing the wand into my ribs and my boob and its friggin killing me. Then he digs it into my solar plexis and my neck. It's all very quick, he's clicking away on the computer taking measurments, much like an OB ultrasound. THEN...he tells me that he can't get a good image because of my surgery (I call bullshit since he was all over the left side and my surgery is all right side...) and he had to give me contrast. This sent me into an anxiety attack. I don't like having new chemicals injected into me...I've got enough going on. And Sean wasn't with me which added to it. And the Dr is telling me to watch for an itchy throat or watery eyes or my tongue swelling. Yeah, good thing to tell me. I know someone who had so many CT Scans in the course of a couple of years that she developed an allergy to the contrast......and I fear this will be me. The Dr tells me this is a relatively new contrast to Canada, only in use for 2 years and that they really get excited about new things. Me thinks this jerkoff just wanted to play with his new toy and my expense.  So he fusses with the IV, but gets it in. As he's opening the little port to flush it with saline he realizes he's got the wrong syringe so he takes it out but doesn't close the port so my blood starts flowing out. He gets it all over me, the pad, his gloves. Then he tears his glove and gets some of my blood on his finger. He says to me after "You don't have HIV or Hepatitis do you?" I said "No, just cancer." He says, "Okay, because you know it's not a big deal, I can just go get the shot but you need to let me know." I said "NO, just cancer and you won't be catching that!"  And all the while I'm thinking Serves you right asshole, I don't think you even need to be giving me this crap! 

So I get on the treadmill and walk, fast, on a huge incline for about 5 mintues until I get to my target heartrate. The tech doing this was not impressed that he had to do my blood pressure in my left arm, along with the IV in there because my right arm is stictly off limits to anything (trauma, such as blood pressure cuffs or needles can trigger lympedima)
Once my heart rate is up to 187 they inject me with more contrast (yay) and have my jump back onto the ultrasound table to get another look.

When I was done I sit back down. My heart rate is now in the low 120's. The tech doesn't want to let me go because my heart rate was still too high. He keeps saying "Are you nervous?" I said, "Well first off y'all sent me into an anxiety attack with this contrast crap and secondly, my heart rate is high all the time, I think 120 down from 187 in less than 2 minutes is pretty good."
He let me go, he could see I wasn't impressed.

Yesterday was a better day. Sean and I went for a nice long walk in the woods. I baked some cookies (watch for Tasty Tuesday..you'll enjoy this one...not just the recipe but the story behind it) I did laundry. I also worked on something very special for my PP Sisters but I can't tell you because several of them read this and I don't want to spoil the surprise. I'll tell ya later.
I also went for drinks with my bff and another friend. It was a nice night out.

And so today...I'm not sure yet what today will bring but somewhere in there will be getting my sister in law's mother's quilt done. She's been insanely patient for something that was supposed to be done October 1. I promise, Catherine, it will be done before Christmas!!!!

Happy Friday!!