Friday, December 31, 2010

And we start all over again....

do we really though?

The passage of time is a strange thing. We are about to mark the end of 2010 and welcome in 2011. We will spend the next year looking forward to (or dreading)  the same dates we did in 2010; birthdays, anniversaries, holidays....
the only thing that changes is the year.

I'll admit, this final 2 weeks of 2010 has not been a good one. I'd like a do over but that's not going to happen right? I've been feeling foul for the last couple of weeks, grumpy, moody, in a funk. My patience has been none existent for the kids, Sean, my mom. I truly feel like this was the worst Christmas ever.
And the thing is, there is no reason for it. I had my family and my friends and my Tassimo. What more could a girl ask for? I had two weeks off work to spend with my family. I didn't have to wake up with an alarm (okay - I did, but human alarms named Connor don't count)

But yet, I still feel like I'll be glad when this holiday is done. (Of course, after about 3 days of work I'll be counting down to spring break!)

So I've been thinking about what I want for 2011. I guess this is the adult equivalent of asking Santa for things.

I don't make resolutions. They aren't kept, they are way too lofty and let's face it, I can resolve to lose 30 lbs like I did last year but I can also promise you that this time next year the chances that I'll have lost those 30 lbs are slim. I don't have the gumption to do it right now. It was like all the years I resolved to quit smoking. Every December 31 I would smoke my "last" cigarette before bed and every January 1st I'd be smoking again within an hour of waking.

I will lose 30 lbs - when I'm damn good and ready, just like I quit smoking when I was damn good and ready. (6.5 years ago!!)

I'd like to be really lofty and say something like I'm going to cure cancer or save the world in some other way but, well, that's not likely either. So let's be a little realistic shall we?

I'd like to have more patience in 2011. More patience with Sean and more patience with the kids (especially Mary) I find lately that that little girl makes me quite insane. I don't want her to be the 'middle child' or the black sheep. I don't want her to be 'outside' of our family.
I am going to spend more one on one time with each of the kids, talking with them, playing with them and in general enjoying their company. Less time getting angry or frustrated with them.

I'm going to try to better with money. Last year I said I was going to pay down 50%  of the window debt and not accumulate any more and well, that just didn't happen. It was lofty though considering I was working at home in a job I wasn't totally in love with and not making a whole heap of money.
But now - I'm working a job I love and I'm making good money so I need to really focus and if I still live on the shoe string budget I was on when I worked at home I can direct all that extra money to the debt. I could conceivably be debt free in 36 months. (a little longer if I get Sean the tent trailer for his 40th birthday like I want to.)

I'm going to try to reconnect with an old friend. I have one old friend in particular who shared a big part of my life and though we'd gone our separate ways, we connected again a few years ago via facebook. I was sad to see that friendship move on and I'd really like to see if that friendship can be rekindled.

I'm making it a goal this year to meet at least one of the other Pumpkin Patch Mommies. I don't exactly know how but I will. They have become an important part of my life. The group as a whole has inspired me to be a better person by how everyone looks out for everyone else. I've said it before, I know most people don't 'get it' they are 'just a bunch of strangers you met on the internet' but really they are so much more and I am truly blessed to be a part of their group.  So, hopefully, I'll be lucky enough to be able to connect in real life with at least one of them. (the goal being to meet as many of them as possible over the years)

There are have been a lot of changes in my life on the past year, most notably career changes. I've really done things in the last year that I'd not have done even 5 years ago - I lacked the confidence. I've come out of my comfort zone - got a new job, met new people, didn't play the shy wall flower that I really am. I made an effort to get to know people at work and while I'm not as outgoing as some of the other people at work, I think I'm doing alright.  I've joined the volleyball team at work - this is HUGE since A: I'm not athletic B: I've never played volleyball outside gym class as a kid and C: I'm really really stepping outside of my comfort zone.  But in order to get to know some of my coworkers I need to get involved in these things - 20 minutes in the staffroom at lunch isn't going to cut it.

So I resolve to continue on this path of getting out of my comfort zone and trying new things. It's opening up the world to me and that is good.

Overall, 2010 was a pretty decent year for me, certainly one of the better ones in recent memory so here's to hoping that 2011 is good too.

And to you, my dear readers, I wish you all peace, joy, love and prosperity for 2011. May all of your dreams come true. I hope you are able to finish the year with those you started it with and maybe a new friend or two as well. 

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