Hello 2013!

Time is a funny thing. At this time last year I was not 100% sure I'd be here this year. I'll bet you didn't know that. I was good at hiding it. I played it off like I was the pillar of confidence and strength when in fact I was quite frankly, scared shitless.

I was reflecting on the past two years and how, God forbid, if I had to go through that again I'm not sure I could find the strength.  In fact, I'm truly astounded that I found the strength to do it at all. I don't want to have to find that strength again, and I hope and pray I never have to.

I've never been one to make resolutions, I've said that before. I think they just set you up for failure - it's like the word itself, resolution, is a curse against that very thing.

Instead, I set goals for the coming year - ways I can improve myself, my life and my relationships.

And so, here are my goals for 2013.

1 - I want to lose at least 30 lbs.

I know it can do it, it's just finding the willpower to do it. I love food too much.  But I have to change my attitude. I have to remind myself that I found the strength to beat cancer so finding the strength to not eat 4 pieces of pizza or not going to the Pita Pit for lunch at work should be a cake walk. Did someone say cake? Mmmmmm cake.

In all seriousness I have a gym membership, I have the time to go. I like salad (I'm not being facetious, I really do!) I know how to eat properly. I just need to suck it up and do it.

And because we're going to Florida in July I have a deadline. I'd like to feel comfortable (as can be with one boob) in my bathing suit.

2 - I want to take control of my finances.

Being off work for 6 months set us back a bit because I was 3 of those months without any income. Now that I'm back to work it's time to get this train back on it's rails and keep on chugging. If all goes well I can be debt free in 2 years. Again, self control and will power.

3 -  I want to be happy at work.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my job still. I'm just not overly thrilled about my work environment and need to take control of that. If it can't be corrected for me, I need to make a change. It will mean stepping out of my comfort zone again but I've become pretty good at that.

4 - I want to add to the notches on my PP mom hug belt.

I think this will be a goal I can accomplish since one of them lives where we're going in Florida and a few live along the way.

5 - I want to spend more quality time with my kids.

Part of that involves less time here. I need to change my system and avoid the computer and internet until after the kids go to bed (well, Connor at least - the other two go to bed at the same time of after me) 

6 - I want to be a better teacher.

I love my job. Remember that? And I want to be good at it. And I want the kids I work with to learn - really learn - in a way that is appropriate for their development.

7 - I want to be a better wife.

I know I take Sean for granted and I need to really stop and realize how good I've got it. And I need to let him know I know how good I've got it. 2013 brings us our 15th year of marriage. I'm going to do something big for him. Not sure what yet. Ideas are welcome!

I think that's a pretty hefty list. It's one to work on all year. I'll be back here on December 31st (or so) to see how many of these goals I've accomplished. Hopefully all!

Happy New Year everyone and may your year be filled with love, joy, blessings and good health!

The Year in Review

It's the last day of 2012.  I'm not sorry to see this year go but less so than last year. It's been a pretty decent year, all things considered.

Let's review shall we....

I finished chemo, radiation and herceptin. I was officially declared cancer free. That right there makes this past year the best possible year it could have been (I say because ideally I would have never had cancer but had no say in that department)

I made arrangements for a new boob.

I went back to work. The jury is still out on how I feel about that. I love my job but am not overly happy about the environment and need to make some big decisions about my future at this school.

I traveled. I took a chance and did something I never thought I'd do, much less do alone. And I loved it!

I look back at 2012 and I have only one regret. I regret going back to work when I did. Hindsight is 20/20 and if I had the time back I'd have stayed off work until this past September, regardless of the financial strain.   But, done bun can't be undone so there's no point in harping on it.

So last year at this time I set some goals for the year. How many did I accomplish? Let's see shall we?

The words in red are the goals I set in my blog at this time last year.

1. This might be painfully obvious but my first and biggest goal is to beat cancer. I want to be a survivor. And not just this year but every year. When we do the Relay for Life in June I want to walk that survivor lap and wear the yellow shirt. I want to start my cancer free countdown.

Happily, this is a goal I did accomplish. I did walk my survivor lap and while mother nature put a bit of a damper on my night I still held my head high and proud as I walked with so many other cancer warriors

2. I'm going to get healthy. Not just cancer free but healthy. I joined the gym last year and I loved it. I'm going to do that again, as soon as I get the okay from the Dr. I'm going to exercise, get fit and eat right. Probably not all the time, let's be honest, but a whole lot more than now. I'm not going to indulge weekly, but maybe once a month. I need to get healthy in order to accomplish my first goal.

Isn't this a goal that everyone sets and never accomplishes? Well, most people anyway. I'm sure I'll set that goal again and hopefully I'll actually reach it this year - I want to look good in a bathing suit when I go to Florida, even if it means I have to buy a new prosthetic to match the other boob - even though shortly after that I'll be having surgery to have my new boob made.  But really, I'd like to like how I look in pictures.

3. I'm going to take more pictures. I know I already take a million but I'm going to take more. I have a fabulous lens but I'm still learning how to use it. I'm going to do that this year and have some fabulous shots.

Oh, I most certainly accomplished this goal. As I type this I am downloading 1644 pictures from my computer to a memory stick...and those are just the ones I felt worthy of keeping. I also got a new lens for Christmas this year so I'll undoubtedly continue the trend.

4. I'm going to make some great memories with my kids this year. I'm not sure what yet, but something that they'll always look back fondly on.

I guess I'd have to ask them about this, if I did or not. It's not really something I can answer now, but years from now. We did some fun stuff this summer. We had some fun times at home too. I hope I'm creating good memories with them.

5. I'm going to do something for me. As Mom's we often put our families first, and rightfully so but the events of the past few months have taught me that it's okay to take time for yourself too, to be selfish sometimes and to do things for yourself occasionally.

I did this! I try and take time for myself daily but I think the real thing for me was my trip to BC (which actually covered goal number 7 too!) I traveled to someplace I'd never been, that I wanted to go because I wanted to. I didn't have to worry about whether or not Sean or the kids were having fun and I got to do what I wanted to do. That truly was for me. And I hope to do it again!

6. I'm going to let my family and friends know each and every day that I love and appreciate them.

I'd like to say I did this but I know I'm guilty of not always doing so. I'll try harder in 2013

7. I will meet another PP Mom. At last count there were over 30 and I've only met 2. I have a lot of hugs to dish out.
See number 5 above. I got to hug not one but two of my fellow PP mom's and it was fantastic!!

8. I will finish writing the book I've been working on. It might never get read and likely never published but at least it will get written.

Yeah, let's not go here. I actually just deleted the whole thing. It sucked. Time to move on. On a related note I just dropped a picture book manuscript in the mail today. If you don't try, you'll never success and I just remind myself that Dr. Seuss was rejected 56 times before his first book was published.

Overall, that seems like a pretty successful year.

I've experienced first hand how quickly and drastically your life can change. I know that the plans you make may not usually won't work out but I think the true measure of someone's strength and character is being able to adapt to what life throws at you. Because really, it's those bumps in the road that make life living.

I do have a set of goals for 2013 but I'll make that a different post.