Saturday, June 30, 2012

30 Things - #2

To see what this is all about, click here

#2 - Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

1 - I'm afraid of elevators.

When I was 4 I was stuck in an elevator with 15 or so people. That doesn't sound like a lot, I know, but remember this was the 70's. It was a painfully small elevator and it got stuck between the 1st and 2nd floor of my Grandparents building because it was too full. My grandparents lived on the second floor of the building. My Uncle was getting married that day so there were a lot of family members crammed into the elevator.  I don't think we were stuck that long but when you're 4 and scared even 5 minutes is an eternity. I've since been stuck in elevators 3 more times.

My fear is not running out of air, I know that can't happen but I'm afraid of the cable breaking and us crashing to the ground. Sean and I lived in an apartment on the 6th floor and I only took that elevator twice. Every other time I took the steps. My eldest brother lived on the 10th floor of a building. I walked up to that too.

I do get in elevators if it's necessary and feel safer in one that has hydraulics over cables but if stairs are a reasonable option I will take them.

2- I'm afraid of flying.

This is an ironic fear since just yesterday I voluntarily booked a flight to Vancouver. I'll be flying alone.

I've flown 3 times. Once to New Brunswick when I was 12 (and I don't remember being afraid then), once to Newfoundland (2 weeks before 9/11) and once to Las Vegas. I've also been in 2 helicopters and a little 5 seater plane.  The worst flight was to Vegas, I think because I was a parent and travelling without my kids. I was parent when we flew to Newfoundland but Emily was with us so if I went, we all went.

I know flying is much much safer than driving but if I have a car accident I might break a leg or my pelvis but I also stand a good chance of surviving.

If my plane goes down I'm dead. And I'm thinking it takes a good amount of time to fall from 30,000 ft so I've got plenty of time to kick myself for even getting on the plane while we wait for our impending death. See where I'm going with that?

Having said that, if I live my life allowing my fears to control me I'll never get anywhere and frankly, as much as I like long drives, I'm not driving 5 days to Vancouver. And since there is no bridge to Europe and I'd like to go there one day....I'm going to have to suck it up.

3 - I'm afraid of cancer.

Isn't everyone? In the back of our minds, yes, everyone is. For me though it's never again going to be a back-of-the-mind fear. I've been there - done that and don't ever want to do it again. I beat it once. I don't want to have to fight it again because my greatest fear isn't the battle itself, it's losing. 

I'm not afraid of death, it's just a fact of life and I know one day it will happen. I just don't want it to happen now, I'm not finished living yet. I want to see what kind of people my children become. I want to meet my grandchildren. I want to spend some retirement years traveling with Sean. I want to be able to say "I've lived a good life and I'm ready to go when God is ready to take me."

And when he does take me, I hope it's in my sleep, peacefully and without a lengthy illness that takes my dignity from me. Death by cancer is never pretty. I don't want to go that way.

Wow, what a downer this question was!!

I'm leaving this one on a lighter note since it's a beautiful, sunshiny day.

Friday, June 29, 2012

30 Things - #1

I saw this on another blog and thought it looked interesting so I'm going to give it a try.

For the next 30 days (or so) I'm going to answer the following questions. Much like those 25 Facts About Me type of things people used to do on FB.

Anyhow these are the 30 things and I'll tackle one each day (not everyday - I do have a vacation to go on!) And through it you'll get to know me a little better and I'll probably learn a thing or two about myself too.

So here are the 30 things,

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrasing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

So, here's number 1

20 random facts about me.

1. I still have a stuffed dog my grandmother gave me when I was 8. It's a beagle and his name is BJ.  He's quite threadbare now but I can't bring myself to let him go.

2. I am left handed but I bat and golf right handed.

3. I hate country music. Yep, I said hate.

4. I sucked my right index finger until I was 10

5. I always wanted to be a writer. I also wanted to be a lawyer and a teacher.

6. I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue.

7. I can't wear high heels. They give my blisters on the backs of my ankles.

8. My personality has changed more in the last year than in the 37 years before that.

9. I don't begrudge aging.

10.  I would love to lose weight but love food far too much.

11. I'm incredibly impatient

12. I am never late and most often I'm 5 minutes early.

13.  I have never eaten rabbit, duck or venison (unless you count moose)

14. I love to fish but have only done so a handful of times

15. I consider myself to be pretty talentless. I can't dance or sing or do anything else 'extremely well'

16. I am a morning person.

17. My favorite food is chicken. Eggs are a close second.

18. I don't like chocolate cake. I prefer vanilla.

19. I wanted 6 kids but time and fertility were not on my side.

20. I have to sleep with a blanket covering me up all the way to my shoulders.

So there, you have it. 20 things you didn't care to know are thrilled to have learned about me.

#2 tomorrow.

Times, they are a-changin'

I don't really know what got me thinking about it last night as I drove home from our end of year staff party but I was thinking about how kids these days call adults by their first names.

When I was a youngster we called every adult we knew Mr., Mrs., or Miss. Not just teachers. We called our friends parents by their surname, our coaches, even our paper route boss. When we were introduced to an adult they were introduced by surname, never by first name.

In fact, I know who the first adult I called by first name was. It was the woman around the corner whose kids I babysat. Only when we met, I was too young to babysit her kids, my Mom babysat them, I just liked walking their dog. And it always felt strange to me to call her and her husband by their first names.

When I started working in childcare the children were taught to address us as Miss and then our first I was Miss Jean. (and later when I got married they started calling me Mrs. Jean.) Another centre I worked in and now in school I am Mrs. Donahue. Always. I'll bet some of my kinders don't even know I have a first name.

When Emily was about 2 months old my childhood best friend came for a visit with her husband and two children. Her daughter is about a year or so older than Emily. I can remember distinctly she introduced me to her kids as Mrs. Donahue and it was the first time out of the classroom that I'd been introduced to a child that way. And yet, it wasn't weird - children should be addressing kids with that respect.

And yet, my kids friends all call me Jean. And my kids call all their friends parents by name. I've tried introducing them or referring to them by surname but it never stuck. I can remember then first time Mary went to her bff's house to play. I told her to listen to Mr. and Mrs. XXXX.  and when I picked her up Mary said goodbye to first name.
I introduced my coworker to Connor by last name and she referred to herself by first name to him. So that's who she is now. (And again, I'll bet her students think her first name is Mrs.!)

I'm fighting a losing battle I think.

Years ago I'd written a letter to my Great Uncle that I'd sent along with some pictures of Emily. He wrote me a letter back thanking me and also telling me that I was no longer to call them Aunt and Uncle, that I was an adult and could/should refer to them by name only. And yet, that feels strange. I've been taught that part of respecting your elders is by refering to them with a title: Mr., Mrs., Aunt, Uncle, etc.

I don't know if this is a sign that children today don't respect authority as much as they used to. People say that kids are less respectful than they were before - I can't attest to that but I if the name thing is any indication than I think 'they' might be right.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Here I am.

I'm so sorry to have been missing for so long. I've been insanely busy and what little time I've had online has been checking in on the PP and FB.

So, here's what's new.

I went for my mammogram last Wednesday. I've learned that when they do a mammo on a mastectomy patient they still do images of the 'vacant' side. They want to see the lymph nodes. (Are there even any left in there??)  It hurt, I'm not gonna lie but it actually hurt more on the mastectomy side because they squeeze a bit of tissue that is sensitive.

Anyhow, the clinic would not forward the results to my medical oncologist because it was my radiation oncologist who ordered the test. Because really, why would my oncologist want to know the results of my first post treatment mammogram? It's this kind of beaurocracy that rubs me.

So when I called my RO to have the results forwarded to my MO the legal secretary (this is who handles the transfer of medical records) told me it was because I had the mammo done in a private clinic rather than the hospital. Note to self for next year, have it done at the hospital. So when she called back to tell me they were sent she said "everything is great."  Now I don't know if she meant everything has gone though great or my results were great. I know she can't tell me that stuff over the phone but when we were talking she'd asked me when I was scheduled to see both my RO and MO and I'd mentioned I also seeing my family Dr soon. I said I was anxious about the results and she said if something showed up they'd call me before my appointment. I want to believe that but then my surgeon knew I had cancer and still made me wait to go and see her. But then I tell myself it's different now. Different doctors and I'm already a cancer patient so they should be more on the ball with things.

So, I wait, I pray, I hope that everything is all clear and I can get on with my life.

I'm going to Vancouver this August. I'm insanely excited and nervous too. I've never traveled alone. Ever. And I don't fly well at all. In fact when Sean and I went to Vegas for our 11th anniversary I cried the whole way there and part of the way back. Maybe I'll be braver flying alone but part of me here's that Alanis Morissette song Ironic in my head. I beat cancer so surely I'll die in a plane crash doing something as selfish as taking a vacation without my family - something only for me.   See where my mind goes?

Anyway, I'm going to Vancouver to crash the wedding of one of my PP sisters. Two of them are there so I'm going to enjoy some sight seeing, have fun at the wedding, possibly risk my life crossing the border with one of them and I'm going to visit with my bff from my early teen years.

I spent most of last week baking. I made a cake for my Senior Kindergarten class graduation. It took me hours to make.

In the interest of the kids privacy I've blurred the middle of the cake. It's the school logo that I drew with edible marker on white fondant.

And then I made 120 cake pops for the grade 8 graduation.

Our little graduates. I made chocolate ones too.

Truth be known I wasn't happy with neither the cake nor the cake pops. The top cake got a but stuck in the pan so it caved in on the side a bit and then the green fondant tore. By that time I was exhausted, it was late and I was frustrated.

The kids and parents didn't care though, the loved it.

My cake pops gave me trouble with the chocolate and the icing mouths not setting. I think it's just been too humid for this stuff to cooperate with me.

But again, everyone was happy so that's what matters.

Tomorrow is the last day of school. I'm off for 2 months and I'm thrilled. I'm tired. I'm feeling a little bitter and frustrated with office politics bullshit. I'm welcoming the break and will look forward to the new school year.

And I will do better with my blogging. I'll be around a little more. I've had lots of blog posts floating around in my head, just no time to write them.

See ya soon!

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Father's Day blues

It's Father's Day and while I'm happy to have a day to celebrate Sean being such a great Dad I also feel sad.

We're coming up to the 3 year anniversary of my Dad's passing - 4 more days - but what makes Father's Day especially tough is that my Dad died on Father's Day.  I brought the kids up to the hospital to see him and bring him some cards. He wasn't awake by then so I'm not sure he knew we were there. He died later that night.

Earlier in the week the kids and I had been working on a new stepping stone for the pond - Papa's Pond. I'd had it hidden in the garage so he wouldn't see it. He never saw it at all. It's still out there, next to the pond it's faded and overgrown but I don't have the heart to move it.

Anyway, enough debbie downer stuff. Today is going to be a lovely day. Sean has to work so I'm going to take the kids strawberry picking.

This week will be crazy busy. I'm making a cake for my kindergarten class graduation. I'm also making 100 or so cake pops for the grade 8 graduation. And dinner with friends. And Sean's birthday. And herceptin and a mammogram.

Now I'm exhausted!

And yet thrilled that it won't be a boring week of sitting at home doing nothing.

Friday, June 15, 2012


When I finished my radiation treatments in February my radiation oncologist said he'd arrange for a one year follow up mammogram for me. It was to be scheduled sometime around June 22nd.

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a crazy organized planner so naturally as of this week my still not having an appointment for a mammo has not sat well with me.

I called my RO's scheduling secretary to ask her about it. She told me I should have heard from the clinic already. So I called the clinic. They don't have an appointment for me, nor do they have a requisition.  I explained that I'm going to need an appointment within a week or so as I'm scheduled to see my RO on July 13th to get the results.  The receptionist told me that they were booking into the end of July but I could have my RO's office call to see if there was a cancellation.

At this point I'm doing my level best to control my anger and tears. The END of July?! No, not acceptable. I'm on pins and needles worrying about this. I have an appointment with my Dr that I'm not interested in pushing back. More importantly, I'm looking forward to having the summer I was robbed of last year and I don't want it marred with a bunch of Dr's appointments and tests.

So I called my RO's secretary back again and explained what the clinic said. She called the clinic and called me back 10 minutes later.

My mammo is next Wednesday!

Could this be a sign of things turning around in my favour? Let's hope!!

Sunday, June 10, 2012

The Maid Has Quit

The title is deceptive. I don't have a maid. I did have one, for four visits courtesy of Cleaning for a Reason and it was outstanding. I truly think that when I have some disposable income I may get myself a housekeeper, perhaps once a week.  It all sounds very indulgent to me but after the last two months...I could use some indulging.

A million moons ago when Sean worked nights we went through a pretty sour patch. His working nights doesn't work for us. He doesn't do well with little sleep and I don't do well with feeling like I'm carrying the load. 

But then Sean started working days and we fixed our problems and everything for the past 4 years has been hunky dory.

Until now.

Sean works nights again. Not out of choice really, more out of necessity. I went back to work and in order to avoid putting Connor in daycare we opted to have Sean work nights. It means he's home when Connor gets home from school and I'm home before he has to leave for work. The downside to this is that Sean isn't sleeping well. His biological clock is messed up. He's a light sleeper to begin with but it seems to be amplified when he tries to sleep in a day so things like the washing machine running or the doors opening and closing wake him up. So when he does get up he doesn't have any energy to do anything. This includes things around the house.

Don't get me wrong, I'm by no means saying he sits on his butt or stays in bed all day. He does help out. But it's not as much as he used to so where it used to be a 50/50 situation it's now a 80/20.  (65-35 on his days off work)

But here's the really hard part of all of this.  I'm back at work now. I leave the house at 7 am. I get home at 4 and I don't sit down until 9. Dinner, homework, showers, dishes, tidying, work that I may have brought home, go to this store, run that errand. Did I mention our dishwasher crapped out and we've decided not to replace it? It's not a money issue per se, it's just that neither one of us feels inclined to go buy a new one.  So all our dishes are hand washed again.

I know, you're thinking, what's the big deal? You're life doesn't sound any harder than anyone else's.

It's not. And under normal circumstance I wouldn't complain. But you see. I don't feel good, almost all the time. I'm noticing that my knees, in particular, ache after my herceptin and it doesn't stop for a full 2 weeks. I find myself going down the stairs the same way my Dad did, one at a time and holding the railing with both hands. My body is tired. All the time. It's been through hell and back this past year and I'm still trying to get myself back to some semblance of normalcy. And when you add all of this in with the fact that at work I am also the maid....well something's got to give.

I'm growing increasingly stressed out with my work environment and increasingly irritated with my teaching partner; to the point that I'm grumpy at work and I don't want to be so. I love my job. At least I did.

Things will get better, I know they will. Sean is only working nights for one more week and then he's back on days. For good. There are only 3 weeks left of school and then I've got two more months off to recuperate. I think, at some point before next September I'm going to have a talk with my partner to remind him I'm not his mom or his maid and he needs to work with me to keep a tidy and sanitary classroom - not just for my health but for the kids too. Sloppiness is not an endearing quality.

As for my kids...well, they'll be pitching in a lot more around here, at least they will be if they want money for the summer.

And one day...I'll have a maid.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

I'm Feeling So Lucky

I honestly don't have the first clue about how the health care system works in other countries. Sometimes navigating ours is a challenge enough. But having been down the critical illness road and sharing my story with people in other countries I'm seeing some of the differences and realizing just how lucky I really am. I'm lucky to be Canadian.

I've been dealing with all things cancer for a full year now and my total out of pocket expenses have been $300. And those were for what I consider 'luxury' items. I bought a mastectomy bathing suit and paid to have a private room in the hospital after my mastectomy.  Beyond that though, my surgeries, my Dr's appointments, my home visiting nurses, my post surgical supplies, my prosthetic, bras, chemo, radiation, prescription name it. It's ALL been covered by either our provincial health care or by Sean's insurance through work.

It's something I've taken for granted. When my oncologist prescribed the miracle anti nausea pills, Emend and I picked up the first tri pack I saw it cost $110. Yep, that's for 3 pills. And I paid $1 of that. All 4 times.  The 300 percocets - $1. The prosthetic breast. I did pay out of pocket for this but between the provincial health care and Sean's private insurance I was reimbursed 100% of the cost for that at 4 bras every year. Oh, and a new prosthetic every 2 years (don't think I'll need that though) Which brings me to my reconstruction surgery. This too, will be covered by the province. They'll build me a new breast and adjust the left one to make me symmetrical. And it won't cost me a dime.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying our health care system doesn't have major flaws. I suspect if I'd been living in some other countries I wouldn't have waited a full 2 months from when I found my lump to when I got a diagnosis and then almost another full month before having the mastectomy. I also know there are people here who don't have private health care who would have to pay for their prescriptions or for a large portion of their prosthetics but the major things, surgery, chemo, radiation....that would all be taken care of.

I read in this blog today about a little boy who is dying. But because he's not dying 'fast enough' the State is taking away his home hospice care which means his parents will now not only have to endure the unthinkable; watching their son die, but they're going to loose valuable resources and support and have to pay for necessities to make this little boy's last days as bearable as possible out of pocket. If my 3 little anti nausea pills cost $110 (and I know for a fact they are often going for that much  for 1 pill in the US) I can't fathom how much what they would need would cost.

It's sad. It's shameful. It's unfair.

It makes you appreciate what you have and realize just what you take for granted.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

So Tired

It's been quiet here, I know.

I'm tired. Oh so tired. And that's making me a little worried. I remember last year being tired like this and thinking it was low iron. And then I learned it wasn't low iron, it was cancer. So naturally I'm a little worried about how tired I am. 

My oncologist told me that I was likely in menopause now from the chemo. He was wrong. Holy cow, he was sooooo wrong. It came with a vengeance after 6 months and I think that could be part of why I feel so very tired. And it's lasting for.ever!

I have my mammogram sometime near the end of this month. I don't know exactly when yet, I've not heard from the clinic but I think perhaps I'll call the clinic today and see if the appointment has been made yet. I am working again and can't do 'last minute' appointments, especially at the end of the school year when there is so much going on.

Yesterday I officiated a wedding at work. The letter Q and the letter U got married. We've taught the children all their letter sounds and have started in on the remaining blended sounds (ar, er, ch, th, sh and so on)  So part of learning about Q is that it doesn't make a sound without U. So if Q can't live without U they should be married.

It was cute. Each child was a letter of the alphabet (they had little signs) and the Bride (U) had a veil and the Groom (Q) had a bow tie. They had bridesmaids and groomsmen. The bride was escorted in to the class with the song "Going to the Chapel" by the Dixie Cups playing in the background. They said their vows (promising to stay together during quicksand, earthquakes and quiet times.) and then sealed the vows not with a kiss but with a lick of their ring pops. And then we ate cheesies, cupcakes and lemonade.

We're having out Kindergarten graduation soon too. I've been working hard on their diploma's and graduation caps.

I'm glad this year is coming to an end. It's been a tough few months and while I'm glad to be back at work I'm exhausted and come home most days feeling frustrated. I am a team player and I do work well with others but I find my frustration level with the state of my class overwhelming sometimes. I'm looking forward to starting fresh in September with a new class and new, clear routines. I'm hoping this will make my days easier.

I'm looking forward to this summer. Last summer - that was supposed to be the best summer ever; my first one off with the kids. It got spoiled big time though so I'm hoping this is the summer I had hoped for last year. We're going to the trailer in July. I want to go to the beach, a lot. We want to go to Wonderland. In August I'm going to Vancouver to crash one of my PP sisters' wedding.  (I am really looking forward to that trip! My first trip alone, flying alone, traveling alone and I get to hug TWO of my PP sisters AND I get to see my bff from when I was 10-16 years old - I haven't seen her in 12 years!)

I just have to get through this month.....and a great, all clear mammogram.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Where Have You Been All My Life??

My girlfriend has a PVR and has often told us the benefits of having one.

Sean, being .....  frugal .... didn't want to spend the money on one. We have digital cable with a time shifting package so if there is anything on he wants to watch but misses he can usually catch it on time shift.

Until he started working nights. And until he missed several episodes of Top Gear.  Sean loves Top Gear. The joke in our house is that he has a man crush on James May, Richard Hammond and Jeremy Clarkson.

Anyhow, since he was missing his show he finally conceded that a PVR might be a good thing for us to invest in.

Wow. I'm in love. Forget Sean's man crush, I've got a techno crush. I'm watching shows I've wanted to watch and never did because I forget they're on or they're on too late for my old lady bones. I'm able to watch a show and record another one so I don't miss it! And it's idiot proof...I set it and it records my shows week after week.

Seriously, it doesn't get much better than this.

If only it could rub my feet too.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Survivor Victory Lap

I didn't have my camera out because of the craptastic weather but my brother and his iPhone came to the rescue and got my Survivor Victory lap on video. So I thought I'd share it with fabulous supporters!!

They announce me at the 2:29 mark. I come around the first time at 3:48 (I was choking back the tears that time) and again at 6:55. 

Friday, June 1, 2012

2012 Relay for Life - Mother Nature's Last Laugh

I'm a tough girl. I'm not whiny or high maintenance. I can get down and dirty with the best of them. And rain, wind, snow and all that other stuff doesn't faze me. But when Mother Nature throws it all at you at once (okay, it didn't snow...but still!)

I'm feeling really down. I feel like a quitter. I feel disappointed. I feel like I gave up. I  beat cancer but Mother Nature had the last laugh.

It's been raining All. Day. Long. In fact, we've had just as much rain today as we got in the entire month of May. We've been having wind gusts up to 60 km an hour. Trees are down all over the neighbourhood and power is out in a lot of places. Union Station (a major transportation hub) was closed because of flooding.

But we muscled through. Sean and I went out at 4 pm to set up our tents. There were maybe 15 other teams out there setting up their stuff too. At that point, it was windy but not raining. We got the tent up and just as we were getting our rain cover on to the tent a big gust took it like a sail, pulled the tent down and snapped one of the poles. Sean's $200, 10 man tent....ruined. After much swearing we decided to leave the tent down until the weather was more cooperative. I went and signed us in, got my yellow survivor shirt (yeehaw!) and our dinner coupons.

While we were eating the rain started again. With a terrible fury. So Sean and I decided to fold up the tent and put it away, since now it's not only broken but soaking wet. As we were getting packed up my brothers got there, also soaked.

We gathered in the school cafeteria where they moved us all for the opening ceremonies. All the speeches were made and then we survivors got to do our lap.

I will admit, I'm a little glad my first survivor lap was done inside the school. We walked through the hallway of the school around to where we started and when we passed by the cafeteria the rest of the participants were cheering for us. And I did fine until that point and then the tears started.  Normally, when this lap is done, outside, the cheering is the whole time we do the lap and I'd have been a hot mess.

At this point the kids were soaking wet and cold, we were soaking wet and cold and everyone was miserable. So I sent the kids home with my mom. There was no tent for them to go in and no where for them to get warm and dry. I don't need them getting sick.

Sean, my brothers and my sisters in law and nieces and nephews decided to do some laps. We were already wet and cold so we didn't figure there was any harm in getting wetter and colder. So we joined the other 8 people on the track doing laps.

But in the end, Mother Nature had the last laugh. The wind was brutal. The rain was coming in sideways and it's just downright miserable out there. So after a few laps we packed it in and came home.

Part of me feels horribly guilty. I feel like I cheated, drumming up all these donations and not sticking it out for the night but the other part of me says - the point of the event was to raise the money...and I did that. I walked my survivor lap and my family celebrated with me.

So we picked up our luminaries and came home.

To say I'm disappointed would be the understatement of the century. I know if I'd asked Sean to stay he would have endured it all night with me....but truth be told.....I have what it takes to beat cancer...I don't think I have what it takes to beat Mother Nature.

Here's hoping next year is better.

Okay, we'll just sit out in the wind and rain since the tent is broken.

    The little green tent and the orange tent...both blew over.
The others ones; most gone by the time we left.

 The angry sky. And that frame being put up there...their tent ripped to shreds before they gave up.

 Yep, the weather sucked THAT much!

Our Luminary heart...for all the people we Relay for. 

It's Relay Day!!

If cancer can't stop me then neither will rain.

It's Relay day and I'm excited and ready to go. It's going to rain today, A LOT! But the rain should stop by about 10 pm and then we've got the rest of the night. So I'm not going to let it get me down.

I'm hoping the rest of our team comes out too but I'm sure the rain will keep some away.

I'll have lots of pics tomorrow!

Cross your fingers that the rain stops when it's supposed to (or even earlier!)