Miss me? Nah, I knew you didn't.
How strange that now that I'm back to work I have more time to blog than I did when I wasn't working. Go figure.
Except that I have less thing to blog about.
I deleted my kindergarten blog. I was really enjoying it there for a while but then it started feeling like the only reason I was blogging was to sell my 'products'. And the most ironic part of all of it was that most of the things I made to sell to other educators, I never used in the classroom myself. It's just not part of how we teach in kindergarten here. But things are quite different in a lot of other places and a lot of the things I created sold like hot cakes. (they still do)
I started my kindergarten blog to share my love of all things kindergarten and of the adventures we have but it didn't feel right anymore. It felt like work and I felt like I was competing with the other kindergarten blogs out there and that just isn't me. So I said screw it. And now I feel liberated.
Which brings me to this blog.
It's kind of lost it's way, hasn't it? For quite a while now. I don't know what I want this blog to be anymore. It's not about cancer. I'm cancer free. It's not about my job (though I'm sure occasionally I'll regale you with stories from the Kindergarten front. It's not really about me either. I used to love this blog and now I'm struggling to find it's voice again.
See, I've discovered something about myself. I don't really know who I am anymore. And that's because I don't really know how I feel about, well, anything anymore. Some days I want to hide in my room all day and never come out. Some days I want to break down and cry because of everything I've been through over the past two years - and I sometimes feel like I haven't really dealt with it. And sometimes I feel like I'm on top of the world and can do no wrong. Life is great. I am great.
I'm 40 now. Have I mentioned that?
I don't stress about aging. That's one of the 'perks' of cancer. You celebrate these milestone birthdays rather than running away from them. The truth of the matter is, I never did run away from birthdays, even before cancer. I don't worry about getting older. I will never lie about my age. I own it. I'm proud of it. I wear it like a badge of honour. You can't change it so why worry about it? Embrace it!
I'm rambling, I know. Next time I blog I promise it will be much more interesting. I'll even give you a money back guarantee. Of course, you'll need to send me some money first......