Saturday, June 30, 2012

30 Things - #2

To see what this is all about, click here

#2 - Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.


1 - I'm afraid of elevators.

When I was 4 I was stuck in an elevator with 15 or so people. That doesn't sound like a lot, I know, but remember this was the 70's. It was a painfully small elevator and it got stuck between the 1st and 2nd floor of my Grandparents building because it was too full. My grandparents lived on the second floor of the building. My Uncle was getting married that day so there were a lot of family members crammed into the elevator.  I don't think we were stuck that long but when you're 4 and scared even 5 minutes is an eternity. I've since been stuck in elevators 3 more times.

My fear is not running out of air, I know that can't happen but I'm afraid of the cable breaking and us crashing to the ground. Sean and I lived in an apartment on the 6th floor and I only took that elevator twice. Every other time I took the steps. My eldest brother lived on the 10th floor of a building. I walked up to that too.

I do get in elevators if it's necessary and feel safer in one that has hydraulics over cables but if stairs are a reasonable option I will take them.

2- I'm afraid of flying.

This is an ironic fear since just yesterday I voluntarily booked a flight to Vancouver. I'll be flying alone.

I've flown 3 times. Once to New Brunswick when I was 12 (and I don't remember being afraid then), once to Newfoundland (2 weeks before 9/11) and once to Las Vegas. I've also been in 2 helicopters and a little 5 seater plane.  The worst flight was to Vegas, I think because I was a parent and travelling without my kids. I was parent when we flew to Newfoundland but Emily was with us so if I went, we all went.

I know flying is much much safer than driving but if I have a car accident I might break a leg or my pelvis but I also stand a good chance of surviving.

If my plane goes down I'm dead. And I'm thinking it takes a good amount of time to fall from 30,000 ft so I've got plenty of time to kick myself for even getting on the plane while we wait for our impending death. See where I'm going with that?

Having said that, if I live my life allowing my fears to control me I'll never get anywhere and frankly, as much as I like long drives, I'm not driving 5 days to Vancouver. And since there is no bridge to Europe and I'd like to go there one day....I'm going to have to suck it up.

3 - I'm afraid of cancer.

Isn't everyone? In the back of our minds, yes, everyone is. For me though it's never again going to be a back-of-the-mind fear. I've been there - done that and don't ever want to do it again. I beat it once. I don't want to have to fight it again because my greatest fear isn't the battle itself, it's losing. 

I'm not afraid of death, it's just a fact of life and I know one day it will happen. I just don't want it to happen now, I'm not finished living yet. I want to see what kind of people my children become. I want to meet my grandchildren. I want to spend some retirement years traveling with Sean. I want to be able to say "I've lived a good life and I'm ready to go when God is ready to take me."

And when he does take me, I hope it's in my sleep, peacefully and without a lengthy illness that takes my dignity from me. Death by cancer is never pretty. I don't want to go that way.

Wow, what a downer this question was!!

I'm leaving this one on a lighter note since it's a beautiful, sunshiny day.


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