To close to home

One of my dear online friends lost her dad today. He was battling cancer.

My heart goes out to her and her family. I think that even though deep down we know that the battle will not be won we hold out hope that it can. People do beat cancer, all the time. I knew my dad wouldn't win his battle but that little part of me hoped I was wrong, that he could be one of those people you see in the commercials or even on the news for making some miraculous recovery.

My friends father's death hits way to close to home. Tomorrow is my dad's birthday. He would have been 63. And while we will still celebrate it as a family it won't be with him and that's the part that counts.

When I read of my friends father's death I cried and cried. I cried for her pain. I cried for my own. I miss my dad like crazy and would give anything to have been able to spend the last week fretting about what I was going to get him for his birthday because he was ridiculously hard to buy for. But this year I don't get to do that. I'm even having a hard time bringing myself to buy Sean a Canadian Tire card for Christmas because that was what we always got my dad.

My friend has been a great source of strength for me, both when my dad was sick and since he died. I hope that I have been the same for her. We met in the infertility club and travel on in the 'lost a parent to cancer' club. What a couple of sucky clubs to be in.

Hopefully we can both move on into better clubs...like the Mom's of the people who cured cancer club. With 5 kids between us I think our odds are great.