Saturday, August 28, 2010

Worst. Products. Ever.

If you've spent any length of time watching television after midnight or early Sunday morning you've seen your fair share of infomercials. And there's a sucker born every minute.

But there are some mainstream products that are just as craptastic and they sell by the millions. Why? Because there's a sucker born every minute...weren't you paying attention?!

So here's my list of the top 5 useless products on the market today. I could have had a much longer list but time and bandwidth don't always work on my side.

The No Touch Hand Soap System.
For any of my FB friends you know I just don't get this one.
Yes, germs get from your hands to your hand pump and then yes those germs subsequently get on your hands again when you use the pump again but the idea of using the pump is to put soap on your hands so that you can wash them. Wouldn't you then be washing said germs off?
Now a friend mentioned she has one in the kitchen for when she's got raw meat goo on her hands and granted, I can see the benefits there....but at the end of the day I still can't wrap my mind around the $15 hand soap pump that you have to by specialty refills for so that my soap pump doesn't get germy.

The Snuggie.
Alright this one is from an infomercial but now you can buy it anywhere so it counts as a real product.
It's a blanket with sleeves. I have one of those only I call it a robe. And when I sit on the couch my robe doesn't come undone because I bought a size that actually fits me.
My mom has these robes that are like nightgowns, they go over her head. That works too.

Seems to me though that if you need to have something like this that the issue isn't that you need a blanket with sleeves it's that you house is too cold and you either need to turn the heat up, turn the a/c down and put on some damn clothes.

And they sell snuggies for dogs now too.

Which brings me to my third product.
The Doggie Stroller.
This ranks up there with doggie clothes (like the afore mentioned snuggie) and doggie snugglies...
I was watching a Tori and Dean rerun the other day (yes, it's my guilty pleasure, I like Tori Spelling...sue me) and she was at the beach with her dog...and her dog was in one of these. Now I said it, I like Tori Spelling....but come on girlie....a stroller for the dog? And this was after she'd had kids so she'd grown past that furbaby vs real human baby stage...and yet the damn dog was still in a stroller.

Now I could see it if your dog met with an unfortunate accident and only had two legs (though I've seen two legged dogs walking just adapts.) or of your dog was old and arthritic and couldn't walk the length of itself without severe pain....(though at that point I question quality of life and wonder why the owner isn't showing mercy and putting the poor creature down)

Don't let me ramblings about this be confused with my previous 'dog hating' post because while I don't like them as pets I also don't think any self respecting canine wants to be seen around town in one of these. It's not a pimped out ride. The other dogs ARE pointing and laughing at him.

Oh, and guess what. These babies cost just as much as strollers for real, live, non walking, human babies. Wow.

No I have not gone off my rocker. I'm not saying toothbrushes are useless products. They are 100% necessary. But have you ever gone into the toothbrush aisle? There are 500 different types of them. Why? Don't they all do the same thing? They scrub the crap off your teeth. And some of the automatic ones can run you $100. There is a new one that has a thumb hole in the handle so that you know how to hold your toothbrush. Really? Was there some confusion before?
I'm no dentist but I would think that any small brush with bristles would get the goo off your teeth. Hell, try using a clean mascara brush with toothpaste, I'll bet it would work just as well (and would fit into those smaller crevices.)

Wipes Warmers.
I can honestly say I don't know a single solitary person who used one. Even the people who had one...they didn't use it. There have been recalls for burnings and spontaneous fires.
The theory is good, keep the wipies warm so that it's not a shock to the little tushy when you wipe. I wouldn't want to be wiped with something cold either but there are other ways around this. Personally, I just waded up the wipes and warmed them in my hand for a split second.
It just seems like a waste of money to me. But then, I'm also the mom who didn't invest in a change table. That's what couches, beds and floors are for. I'm sure I'll get flack for having this one on the list - someone out there uses it...otherwise they wouldn't keep making it.
In fact, if you are a wipes warmer Momma...feel free to comment and explain the merits of it. I'm open to discussion.

Now in good practice of fairness I am going to let you in on a little secret. If you are one of the afore mentioned 'suckers' you are not alone. I too am a a sucker and have bought an infomercial product. It boasted great things and really thought I couldn't live without it. And what's more.....I didn't fall for this tripe, I fell for it twice! My mom bought me some and I used them and they SUCKED. They were not nearly strong enough and quickly broke. But then years later they came out a with a *new and improved* version that promised more strength and durability. So, like a yutz I called that 1-800 number right away and ordered me a whole bunch.

The Wonder Hanger

The problem here arises with that fact that you need to have the hanger rod in your closet up 7 feet in the air otherwise when the wonder hanger is collapsed your clothes are all dragging on the floor and wrinkling. And if it isn't collapsed the hangers are too damn high for a regular sized person (read: shorty) like me to actually reach the hanger to get clothes on or off.

Epic Fail on that product. And a waste of my $19.99 plus s&h.

Next time I'll save the money to put toward building a bigger closet.


  1. Ok, I have a small,very old and very sick dog who still has a great quality of life, I joke about needing something to carry him around in on his not-so-good days but a stroller?? In PUBLIC? I don't think so! I love my boys and do a lot of silly things for them (do not judge--you do silly things for your kids,lol) but there is a limit!
    I can't believe ther is a wipe warmer! I didn't use wipes, I used face clothes.
    There really is a fool born every minute!

  2. Ha, I used wash clothes with Em too but by the time Mary came around I was tired of the extra laundry. We just hosed Connor off. lmao