I took the kids swimming at my youngest brothers house yesterday. My oldest brother lives there now too. My relationship with my oldest brother has been, to say the least, very strained for the last several years. I honestly can't remember the last conversation I had with him that didn't leave me feeling like I wanted to haul off and punch him in the teeth. Not out of anger, just out of sheer longing to have the brother back that I once had.
Yesterday my brother and I finally had a conversation that didn't leave me feeling like shit. I felt like I was really talking to him. The brother I remember from so very long ago.
He told me his analogy on life. Life is like boxes in your head. You have one box for your kids, one for your job, one for your spouse, one for your hobbies, hopes, fears, bills, etc etc....
If you open all of those boxes at once you have a pile of shit rattling around in your head, getting all mixed up and intermingled and soon your brain looks suspiciously like one of those homes you see on Hoarders.
The way to get through life in one piece and with a semblance of sanity at the end is to deal with those boxes one at a time. No multitasking.
To some extent that made sense to me. I think it's a little more fluid though, that the name on the side of the boxes changes as issues arise. For instance, my husband box would have been in the forefront in October 2006. But now it's under a stack of other boxes. My trying to conceive box was on the top of the heap for 3 years...along with the when you do get pregnant...how do you stay pregnant box....and beside that was the mourning the lost babies box....
So I think about my boxes now.
Work. We have our union vote tomorrow. I can already see the problems arising because some of the emails going back and forth are already bitter. It's too bad because we really need to be on the same page. But like Sean said, union politics are the nastiest.
I'm feeling pretty fortunate though, I like the other ECE I'll be working with, she seems like a solid person and she's easy to talk to (especially good for a shy girl like me!) I've also met and built a good rapport with several of the other ECE's.
And despite all this union crap, I'm excited for my new job.
Bags. Yep, those tote bags are dominating my life right now. I spend 3-4 hours a day sewing and when I'm not sewing I'm thinking about sewing. I'm thinking of ways to get the word out about the bags...I'm emailing, spamming and generally being a pest.
And I've had sales! Not a huge amount but sales none the less and one sale leads to more and more....I hope. But more importantly, I'm loving it. I love creating something. I love that I feel like I'm doing something to help. Something to say my Dad didn't lose his battle in vain. $61 is not a bad start.
The kids. Always a top box. I worry about how Connor will take to full time daycare. I worry about how the kids will adjust to my working outside the home again. I worry about the strain/inconvenience on my mother to have to pick them up from school 3 days a week.
Sean. I worry about what my working and Sean's shift change will do to our relationship. I think we're pretty strong now - stronger than ever - and we can overcome anything...but part of me still worries.
Well my friends. I'm off to sew. I sold my favourite bag to one of the daycare mom's yesterday. I was going to buy it for myself but now I'll need to make another one.
I guess when I run out of material that box will be empty and I'll need to find something else to occupy me.