Thursday, October 13, 2011

Number 2 Here I Come.

I'm heading out in roughly an hour to my second of 6 chemo treatments. I'm nervous. I know that expect now and the actual treatment, not so bad. The week to come though.....

I'm prepared to be sick. I'm terrified of going back into the hospital again though. I hated it, every single minute of it and I don't want to go back there again.

My oncologist is on holiday this week so I didn't get to talk to him about the Zofran. But I'm going to bring it with me and talk to whatever oncologist is on call there this morning. I WILL take the Zofran and hope and pray it's enough to counter the nausea enough that I don't throw up.

Just to add insult to injury the month hag has come to visit. It's actually late but almost 2 weeks but I think the first chemo threw that off. It's also highly likely that this will be my last ever period. Chemo kills that too. I'm okay with that. I'm done having kids and I've been sooooo done with tampons and maxi pads and cramps and feeling uncomfortable for a week each month. That might be liberating.

Connor is still sick, he's got laryngitis and he's been croupy. It's hard for me to not go to my kids when they are sick, I'm the caregiver. I'm the nurturer. I'm the mom. I've been really excellent about washing my hands, getting the kids to wash theirs and not giving lippy kisses (I miss my lippy kisses) In fact, I only give forehead kisses now (have you ever watched a 4 year old wipe his nose on his sleeve? His cheek is not a safe place to kiss either.  But to not be able to take care of him as I would when he's sick has been really hard on both of us.

Well, I better go get ready. I have to shower and that is a trick because I'm trying to have the last of my hair thin out rather than clump into bald patches. That means I have to get my head under the water, rub it evenly back and forth and then get my head out of the water so that the shower doesn't wear a bald patch on the top.....I'd look like my Dad.

Have a great day everyone. I'll check in again when I'm feeling better.

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