I wish it were a date for beer and chicken wings.
I saw the surgeon yesterday and will be having my surgery on the 15th. To say I'm terrified is a gross understatement. I've had one surgery - a tonsillectomy when I was 7 - and the subsequent reaction to the anesthetic (I had an asthma attack and stopped breathing - odd as I don't have asthma) has left me terrified of being put to sleep again. So I have two hurdles to jump, not just one.
My CT scan is being moved up to sometime in the next week and a half so the surgeon can see what she's dealing with and if there is anything else in there. Of course now I'm feeling all sorts of aches and pains and worrying about each and every one.
After the surgery I should know within about 2 weeks what we're dealing with. My continued hope is that this is just a temperamental lymph node but as positive as I try to stay, my deepest fears creep in. I'm not a pessimist per se, just a realist and I'm facing a very real possibility that this lump is due to cancer of some kind. And I'm terrified.
This has been a surreal experience. I was so looking forward to this summer, spending it relaxing and enjoying the lazy days with the kids. Now it's a flurry of appointments, fear and depression. And I can only hope and pray that by the end of July I'll be able to take a big sigh of relief and move forward.
I haven't mentioned it to the kids yet, the surgery. I'll tell them Wednesday or Thursday of next week. It's only day surgery so barring any horrific outcomes I'll be home Friday evening. And it's not going to interfere with our surprise trip to Niagara Falls, except that I'll be sore. Good thing we weren't going to Great Wolf Lodge, I'm thinking swimming will be out of the question.
So there it is.