I want to start by apologizing to anyone who may be finding this out through my blog. It isn't meant to be a slight if I didn't call you or email you personally. In light of everything, I'm not exactly in a place that I want to talk to anyone face to face (or over the phone) and individual emails are time consuming. I want to limit my computer time. Priorities have changed.
As you may have figured, the results were not good.
I have cancer.
I dreaded the notion of writing these words and yet, to be honest, I thought about how this blog post would play out for the past 6 weeks or so and I'd truly hoped my post would be something like "hooray!!! - I'm okay!!!" But it's not.
I thought about starting a new blog, one devoted to just this. But the more I thought about it the more I decided not to. This one is just fine and the title couldn't be more fitting. Life IS what you make it. And my story WILL be continued.
I'm sure some are wondering why I would pour the heart and soul of my private life out into the internet. Partially because I have people in my life, near and far, who would like updates. It's a tool for that. And partially because, for me, it's a journal. I may not say all these things out in the open but I say them here and it gets them out. And bottling them in will only be counterproductive to my healing.
So, for better or worse, here it is. My New Journey. My battle against cancer. I WILL win.
I don't know what kind of cancer I have yet, they're still looking for it. It's not lymphoma, that we know for sure. The Dr suspects it's in the breast, despite my mammogram coming back clear. That is why I'm having the breast MRI done. I'm also having a bone scan done, tomorrow. My Aunt is coming with me to that. She's a nurse and knows what to ask. And it will be nice to have someone there with me. Sean can't take everyday off work and my mom has the kids for me.
As for the kids, they don't know yet, so if you know me IRL please don't talk about it in front of them. I didn't see the need to worry them and until I know what kind of cancer I'm fighting and how they're going to help me do it, I don't want to stress them out.
But make this known. While I'm sure I'm still partially in the denial stage of all of this, the fact that I'm a 'realist' had me prepared for the worst possible outcome. But I haven't got the worst possible outcome. No one has told me I can't beat this and unless someone does, I haven't got the worst possible outcome. People beat cancer all the time and I will too.
I will beat this. I have to. I have too much to live for.