I can't even find the words to describe the relief. The lymph nodes are out and I'm alive.
I held it together pretty well this morning. The surgeon called and asked me to come in early, the lymph nodes had to be sent to Sunnybrooke by a certain time for testing and a 12:30 surgery time wouldn't have worked.
It wasn't until after I kissed the kids and my mom goodbye and went outside that I lost it, terrified that I wouldn't come home. I cried most of the way to the hospital.
We got in, checked in, waited a bit, told and retold the suspected anesthetic allergy story to each nurse I had to go through. I was scheduled to go in just before noon and I still hadn't spoken to the surgeon or the anesthetist.
They gave me the IV and antibiotics and finally called me in. I felt like I was walking the Green Mile. Dramatic I know, maybe overly, but I was truly that scared.
In the operating room the surgeon came in and asked how I was doing. I said okay and asked how she was going to do it; local or general.
She talked with the anesthetist (not the same one I spoke with earlier this week) and debated how to do it. Now I'm shaking uncontrollably both nerves and cold. And then I start crying. I'm trying not to but I'm terrified.
So I hear the two Dr's talking and the surgeon says "She (me) is very motivated and more than willing to do it with a local" at which point I piped up, "Yes, yes I am!!" So the anesthetist came over to me and explained what her thoughts were on what happened to me 30 years ago. She doesn't think I'm allergic, the thinks this episode was due, mainly, because it was an airway surgery. She said it was possible that they just woke me up to early (the anesthetic stops your breathing apparently) But I assume my records from 30 yrs ago don't give a clear picture of what happened and since it was possible, they decided to err on the side of caution and just do a local.
The anesthetist stressed to me "You CAN'T move. If you feel pain, you can't move, you must be totally still. If you feel like you have to move DON'T - tell me instead and I can give you more sedation or pain relief...and if need be, if it's just too much I can have the general anesthetic ready to go. I promised, I swore up and down, I was short of promising my first born I would not move a muscle. And I started crying again, this time from relief.
So she shot up my IV with a sedative and wow.....just wow. What a fabulous feeling. I was instantly relaxed, no more shaking and I think I may have feel asleep. I only said "ow" twice and one of those times she gave me another shot of sedative. I could still feel a bit of what was happening; cutting, yanking, pushing, but it felt like when I was getting my tattoo.
It felt like 15 minutes but I was in there an hour. I was able to bypass the first recovery room and head straight to the day surgery room and was able to leave an hour later.
I had oxygen during the surgery and let me tell you, I've never had such a dry mouth and throat. It was actually painful. And because I hadn't eaten all day and now it was 2:00 I had Sean stop at Swiss Chalet to get me some lunch. My mouth and throat were so dry I literally could not swallow my chicken without a drink. I've had about 3 litres of water since then and it's just now feeling better.
Sean spoke with the the Dr. She told him her preliminary look at the CT scan showed nothing. I think that's amazing. I mean, if there were something obvious there, she'd see it right away. So this means that, at least for now, I can stop worrying, enjoy my summer and not stress about what may be. I will find out for sure on August 3rd but for right now, I'm incredibly positive. And relieved that I'm one giant step closer to being done with this crap.
And thank you - yeah you, for being so supportive and sending me love and thoughts and prayers. It's really helped to get me through this craziness. (Jenny, my long, lost sister - you have been my rock!) 2 more weeks and hopefully I'll get to take the ultimate sigh of relief.