Thursday, July 14, 2011

Anxiety

I'm having so much anxiety right now.

How will the surgery be done - local or general? And if it's general will I have complications?

What did the CT scan show?

What will my lymph nodes show?

Is the beginning of a new life? And if so is it the new life in which I've had a bad scare and turn over a new leaf and appreciate life that much more or one in which I fight for that very life?

I'm no good not being in control. I'm no good at not knowing. Patience is a virtue...but it's not one of mine. I feel bad for being so distracted and no fun for the kids and easily irritated and I feel like I'm yelling at them and getting frustrated with them for no good reason. It's not their fault and they deserve better.

I've truly never been more scared.

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