Sunday, October 31, 2010

It's all good.

I saw baby yesterday at the store. She was very new. She was so new she still had the 'fuzz' on her face and her head was still 'lumpy'. She was gorgeous.
I'll admit it made me long for another.

I think I'm hitting that point. Connor is 3 now. He's not a baby anymore and he's not a toddler anymore - he's a child - a little boy. And part of me thinks WOOHOO - I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. He'll be starting school in a year, he's old enough that Emily can start babysitting, he's not requiring my attention 150% of the time - I'm reaching those independent years of having older children.

I have a friend who's youngest son is Mary's age and I've often been envious of how she and her husband can get up early on weekends, go to garage sales and then go have a nice breakfast together without too much worry about what to do with the kids or having to drag any of them along. 
But I've also been the mommy of young children for 11 years now and I'm not entirely sure I know how to be anything else.

I'm trying though. I have a job now and I love it. I have a new hobby (sewing) and I love it. I'm starting to make plans for the future (Sean's 40th birthday present - a tent trailer - shhhh don't tell him) and I'm excited.

But there's still that little part of me that thinks my time for being a mom to young children is running out and I should get it all in when I can. (I know - I'm only 37 and there is still time but it was hard enough when I was 33 to get pregnant and stay pregnant - it's going to be even harder when I'm older.)
I'm going to miss that new baby smell and hours upon hours of starting a little tiny face and hands and feet that I made.

I suppose the flip side is that I also miss the night waking, colic, diapers, sore nipples, 40 tons of cargo everytime we leave the house....

My cousin is going to be a grandmother soon. It scares me to think that the prospect of being a grandparent isn't so get all the perks of the new baby - plus the luxury of spoiling him/her  -without any of the responsibility. I can get on board with something like that! Does it mean that I'm old if I'm thinking this way?

My kids might be growing up but they're no where near the age of  becoming parents so grandparenthood is quite some time away yet.  Hell, I have friends who are still having kids.

I suppose in the meantime, while I'm slightly envious of those new moms with their new little fuzzy faced, lumpy headed babies I can remember that they might too be envious of me  - sleeping until 8:20 in the morning, sending my kids out to the backyard so I can get some bags sewn - and dare I say it, having an long, hot bubble bath - all by myself!

1 comment:

  1. Nope, not old--SMART!! I love new babies and wish I'd been able to have more however, now that mine is all grown up (lol) and having one of his own I get the 'me' time all my friends who waited years to have families, got when we were young and I was breastfeeding, changing diapers etc. A girl I grew up with just had her first baby a month ago!! I'll always miss the little children thing, it's wonderful;and it's been a struggle to figure out who I am now that I'm not "Mum" all day;especially with him so far from home now...however, I did it. I did it well!! and I am so damn grateful to have the time with Phil to do what we want, all those things you can't do easily or at all with little ones...I'm loving this part of life. Bring on the Grandchildren!!
    Enjoy the next stages--it really goes too fast.