Friday, October 29, 2010

Rage

I'm quite certain what I have is a hardcore case of PMS (or DMS as the case may be  - the D being 'during' for those who might be a little slow on the upstart)

On Wednesday afternoon on my way home from work I broke out crying. I don't really know why. I had a fine day, nothing stressful at work. Nothing stressful at home - just a general feeling blue kind of thing.

Thursday morning I cried halfway to work. I do know what that was. It was my Uncles birthday - (my dad's brother) and I had wished him happy birthday on FB. I saw a post from his daughter wishing him a happy birthday and got to thinking about how my own Dad's birthday is coming and how much I wish I could be stressing about whether or not I should get him a Canadian Tire gift card or a golf shirt. (in the last few years my Dad became nearly impossible to buy for)

Thursday on my way home it was more of the same. I also felt pretty blah all evening at home.

Today it's different though. I do still have the blah feeling but I also feel so angry - at everything. I find I'm yelling at the kids or getting pissed at them for reason which, in the grand scheme of things, are not that big a deal.  Connor's incessant door closing, Emily's standard 11 year old response "Fine" (said with various emphasises (is that even a word?) depending on the situation) Mary's constant noise...

I'm completely void of any energy  - in fact, if it weren't for the fact that I don't trust the girls to not go crazy on the candy they got from school I'd be inclined to just crawl into bed now.

I'm sure it's just hormones and if so this month is a killer but I hate being in this funk. And Sean being on nights isn't helping it any because when the kids go to bed I'm stuck here alone and miserable.

My one little saving grace is that I'm getting more bag orders. It's keeping me going. I've got another order this weekend and I'm waiting on payment from an order last weekend. When I get those payments in we'll have topped the $380 mark - and with my Uncles pledge to match the donations we receive we'll be at $760! That's almost half of what we raised last year...and we've still got 6 7 months to go.

So for that, I'm beyond excited.

Well, I'm off. I'm going to go drink some coffee...and perhaps something stronger and then I'll sit back, watch some tv and maybe doze on and off. And hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

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