Saturday, August 27, 2011

One Week Ago

I'm truly amazed at how little I miss my boob. Weird huh? Truly, if it weren't for the constant dull ache, the itchy and uncomfortable drainage tubes and the searing nerve pain that occasionally shoots across my chest I really wouldn't notice.

I know that sounds dramatic but I really mean it. And I don't think, for the most part, other people notice either. I've been out, several times and I watch people. I don't get stares, I don't get anyone blatantly looking at my lopsided chest and while I'm sure people I know who know have taken peeks when I'm not looking (it doesn't bother me...honestly, sometimes I look in he mirror and go "huh, weird!")  it seems like no one has noticed this cyclops boob lady.

I'll tell you the vibe I do get though. I get the 'You're out of bed??!!" vibe.

When I went to the cancer support centre the lady was amazed that I was up and around a couple of days after surgery. A few other people have commented about how I should be taking it easy, resting, etc etc.  I'm not over doing it but come on people, I don't lay around on my best days (at least not for more than an hour or two) how can I be expected to lay around for days on end. 

AND - this laying and sitting around has f*cked up my back to no end. Seriously, last night I went to bed in tears because I couldn't stand upright. I walk like I'm 98. I can't go see the chiropractor yet and while I know it hasn't (because I've had two CT scans and a bone scan) I secretly worry the cancer spread to my spine and that's why I can't walk (nevermind that I've had chronic back problems for the past 12 years) 

Ironically I went to bed in tears last night and heavily drugged. And I woke up this morning feeling better than I have in a week, with minimal back pain and no chest pain.

I intend to keep it that way by spending as little time as possible in one position today. I have no desire to sit in bed or on the couch all day. I don't want to wallow in my misery, I'm not miserable. I don't want to feel sorry for myself, all I feel sorry for is that don't get to go back to work next week (I was SO looking forward to going back to work)   I'm not a pity party kind of person.

Well, I plan to celebrate my one week boob-off-versary by picking up my new car in 1.5 hours. Yay me!!

Enjoy your day and for my friends in the US east coast- stay safe.

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