Remember that funny story I told you about how I was going to take my holiday and take the kids to the trailer? Yeah, the joke's on me.
So, without getting to long winded, here's the scoop.
In roughly 1% of breast cancer patients there is no easily identifiable source of the cancer within the breast. That's me. When have any of you known me to do things easily or normally. No, I have to unusual.
The ultrasound was not helpful and as it stands right now they still don't have a clear tumor identified in my breast. But all the experts my Dr has consulted with still agree that the cancer found in my lymph nodes is very likely from the breast. She also said it was aggressive. That was what drove my decision.
My options were presented. I could see another surgeon at Sunnybrooke, a breast specialist who could do an MRI biopsy and other things like that in hopes of finding the source. But she's going on holiday for two weeks at the end of the month so this could delay things 6-8 weeks and ultimately there's no guarantee she'd find it either and I could end up right back to where I am now.
I could do what my surgeon has wanted to do since day one but did her due diligence in testing everything, which is a mastectomy. She said in 60-80% of these cases the cancer is found after the mastectomy, it's just that the type is harder to detect through imaging.
So, that's what I'm doing. Next Friday, August 19th I'll be having a right breast mastectomy.
Wanna here the kicker? My birthday is August 20th.
Last year at this time I was thinking about what I wanted for my birthday, how I was getting older, what I wanted to do that day. This year, I'll be waking up in the hospital short one body part that I was born with. Wow.
It's not the end of the world. I'll trade a breast (I'll trade both!) to keep my life but I still wish this wasn't happening.
I had my pity party yesterday on the way home from the hospital and now I'm okay again.
As for our vacation. We cancelled. The policy of the trailer park is that cancelling within this time frame gives you a credit voucher for a future rental but Sean explained the reason for our cancellation to the manager and they kindly refunded our money less the $100 cancellation fee. I was happy about that. I'm not happy about having to tell the kids though. We'll be doing that Monday. I can't hide the truth much longer. They'll notice me gone overnight and less one boob.
Yesterday morning Sean and I went car shopping. My lease is up in September and we needed to get this taken care of before my surgery. So on August 27th I'm getting a brand new, red, HHR. Funny since I've always maintained that I hate those vehicles. I thought they were ugly. But, it's not too bad and it was nice to drive. The girls hate it though. Emily was holding out for a Dodge Journey.
And last night I went to dinner with two co workers. The teacher I used to work with and the other ECE I work with. I can always count on the other ECE to understand my sense of humour/defense system and play on it. For example, when I was leaving the house yesterday to go to dinner I whispered to Sean "like my right breast, I'm off!" So my girlfriend told me she was going to come see me in the hospital on my birthday and bring me a chocolate breast. She knew I'd laugh and Sean would laugh but was worried she'd offend my mom - that she wouldn't see the humour in that. I was more concerned about my new breast melting at the beach.
I have to make light of it. I mean really, inside I'm screaming but what good would it do me to carry on? It's not going to change the fact so all I can do it live with it. Stay positive and strong and keep my sense of humour.
I will beat this. I have to. I have too much to live for.