Wednesday, June 17, 2009

So it would appear that the girls will not get to say goodbye to their Papa in person. I haven't been to see him yet, I'm going tonight, but from what John and my mom have told me, it would be too frightening for them. I don't want them to remember him that way. I'm sad for them though because I think of any of the grand kids, they will need closure and I don't know how they'll get it now. I'm sure the funeral will give them a bit but I'm not sure how much of it will be just too over their heads.

They made pictures last night for him. I told them I'd bring them to the hospital for them. I don't think I will, I think my mom plans to keep them but the girls don't need to know that. The pictures were for them, a little art therapy if you will. And besides, my dad won't actually see them. I don't think he's awake for more than 5 minutes at a time.

I'm going to see my Dr on Monday, for something unrelated but I think I'm going to ask for a referral for the girls, especially Em.

This morning I went downstairs to do some laundry. Connor came down with me and got a cookie from Nana. Then, as we were heading back upstairs he changed his mind and went toward Papa's room calling for him. He peeked in and looked around, calling for Papa. I feel so sad for him. I know that one day, he'll forget Papa and only have pictures and memories we give him and I hate that because right now Papa is his world. ("Papa" was his first word) and I hate that he won't have memories of his own of him.

I hate that they don't get to say goodbye.

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