Wednesday, May 5, 2010

The Mommy Wars

It's all around us. The need to judge other mothers on their parenting styles, what they do or don't do and to point our fingers and whisper "Can you believe she did (or didn't) do that?!?!"

You can pretty well hit any parenting forum on the internet and find a war raging between two groups of Mom's on whose parenting philosophy is better and whose kids are going to suffer irreparable harm because of what they've done or haven't done.

I honestly find it laughable, to be judged by other mom's on how I raise my kids. But for the record....

I used 'cry it out' to sleep train all three of my kids.

I vaccinate on schedule.

One kid was formula fed, one kid was exclusively breast fed for 5 months and one was both formula fed and breast fed.

I do not co sleep.

I put my kids in strollers. (when they are little - not when they are older than about 3)

I don't like slings or snugglys (though I did use one maybe three times with Connor)

I don't spank and I never ever will (and yes, for those doubters on this one....I can not conceive of an event that would cause my to spank one of my kids and because of my occupation I've had far too much training in alternative behaviour techniques to use spanking as one. After all, even if I did spank my own kids, I can't spank other people's kids)

My kids eat hot dogs and chocolate (not together though - that would be wrong!)

I sunscreen my kids from toes to forehead before they leave the house.

I use disposable diapers

I gave my children pacifiers

My children drink milk....from a cow.

They are not allowed to drink pop (or soda or fizzy drink...where ever you happen to be reading from) (oh, except at parties - then they can have 1 pop if it's offered)

My kids watch tv, play video games and play on the internet (closely monitored) Connor even has his own computer - not a crappy little kid one, an actual circa 2002 rebuilt Toshiba laptop

I'm sure I could go on but the point is, I own my parenting choices. I don't care what others think of them. I don't care if others think they are better parents than Sean and I.

And more importantly, I don't give a fig about how someone else parents their child. I totally don't agree with spanking (that's my big one) I don't agree with not vaccinating your children (if it's solely for philosophical reasons) I don't agree with many of the aspects of attachment parenting. I don't agree with elimination communication (google it if you don't know) BUT - if you want to swat your kid on the butt, not get an MMR, co sleep until your child is 10 and put your 5 month old on the potty, be my guest. Whatever floats your boat.

It's a sad state of affairs really when so many of us are really just walking around in the dark, looking for a little light and guidance that rather than being uplifted, offered advice (not judgement) and given support we are shot down, trampled on and told we are horrible parents and that our children are to be pitied because of it. That to me is the sign of an insecure person. Much like the school yard bully who feels bigger and better when he picks on the weak kid...the mom who judges another mom is unsure and looking to feel justified and accepted in her own parenting choices.

So to all my 'polar opposite of me' non vaxing, baby wearing, cloth diapering, crunchy, co sleeping, no cry sleep training, spanking, EC mom rock. You are doing an outstanding job and your kids are very lucky to have you as their mom.

And to all those who judge me for my choices....I rock too and my kids are damn lucky to have me as their mom as well.

So go judge someone who might give a shit about your opinion.


  1. Love it, Jean! All of that is so true!

  2. OK, I admit I had to look up elimanation communication(TMI!!) and I don't know anyone with that kind of time...LMAO!! However...I agree with you totally. Well, as far as being supportive of each other. Support is in short supply! I have always done my own thing--way to go Jean and keep it up. You're right! We all rock, even if you do feed your kids hot dogs, lol.