Saturday, May 15, 2010

Dear Mr./Ms. Telemarketer

This is an open letter to all the telemarketers in the world, those who work in sales for cable, phone, newspaper, magazine, duct cleaner, roofers, window/door places, driveway repavers, exterminators, clothing stores......
and yes, for Jehovah Witnesses too.....

I will NOT EVER buy something from someone who calls my house and asks me to.

I own a current copy of my local phone book, as well as a copy of phone books for all the neighbouring cities within 40 kms

I own a current copy of the yellow pages for my city as well as those for every city within 40 kms

If I need my ducts cleaned, driveway repaved, windows washed or lawn fertilized I will look in the phone book and call someone to come and do it.
And moreover, I can promise every one of you telemarketers out there, that even if I did need the service you were offering - I would NOT accept your services simply because YOU called ME.

For those services I already get (especially my bank and cable/internet/phone provider) DON'T call my house and offer me additional products or only makes me want to cancel the services I do have with you and I can promise you I will not buy those additional products and services simply because YOU called ME. I know what products and services you offer and if I want them, I will call you.

I do not want to subscribe to any newspapers...I get all the news I want right here on the internet and on tv. And on those rare occasions that I do want to read an actual newspaper - I can read it for free at any Tim Hortons, McDonalds or at school. And even if I did want to subscribe to a paper - it wouldn't be yours simply because YOU called ME.

I do not need to find God. I know He exists. I have three beautiful children to prove it. I know where He is, in my heart with each and every beat. I think the crucifix hanging on my neck should be an indication that I have Jesus in my life. And since I have that crucifix hanging there for you to see, I think it's a clear indication that I do not have issues with my church and my religion and do not need to join yours. And even if I did have issue with my church and my religion, I would not join yours simply because YOU came to ME. I don't come to your door handing out Sunday Missals so don't come to mine with The Watchtower.

If you call me four days and a row and do not get an answer it's because I have call display and am ignoring your call. I do not want to speak to you. If I do get stuck speaking with you I will not be rude or mean. I understand this is what puts food on your table BUT - when I say don't call this number again and you do the next week....well, then there are no holds barred, I'm gonna let you have it. I'm going to put the phone to my son's face when he's pitching a fit so you can get an earful of toddler scream. I will hang up on you. I will tell you, flat out that if the world were flooded with piss and you were selling stilts I still would not buy them simply because YOU called ME.

Thank you and have a lovely day.


  1. I think you need to hang this by your phone and start reading it as soon as you know its a telemarketer:) Or be like my cousin who trys to sell something back to them...haha! He was so good once he sold a trailer to a telemarketer!

  2. oooh, now there's a good idea! I got lots of crap I can sell!