Monday, May 24, 2010

The Mommy Wars - Part 2

I recently read a message on FF from a woman who wondered if she should giver her daycare provider an extra day off after a paid vacation. Being a home daycare provider I naturally weighed in (oddly enough, I was one of the few that said no, she shouldn't give her daycare provider the day off....but anywho...)

At one point another daycare provider said what most daycare providers feel....if you are at home why would you even consider sending your child to daycare - they want to be at home with you, not with us. And under other circumstances my reply would have been the same but because they would have been on holidays for the two weeks prior they are spending that time together and I and totally understand wanting a day to yourself.

Shortly after another daycare provider (I use that term loosely in this case) piped in with her thoughts which basically consisted of slamming any working parent for being neglectful and selfish and continuing on with how she basically raises other people's kids for them, all the while complaining about the job. It's ironic actually, if it weren't for those neglectful, selfish people she wouldn't have a job.
In short, she gives those of us who take this job seriously a bad name.

All of this started another of my favorite Mommy wars. It's the Working Mom vs Stay at Home Mom war - who is a better mother and who loves their kids more.

I'm very fortunate to have been on both sides of this fence. I've been (and will be again soon) a working mom (for the sake of this post 'working mom' refers to those who work outside of the home because yes, I acknowledge that EVERY mom is a working mom - some just don't get paid for their hard work - at least not in cash) and I've been a stay at home mom. And I've loved both and I've hated both. But the thing is, as a working mom or a stay at home mom I've been the same mom. I love my kids the same. I discipline the same. I worry the same. I was blessed to be able to be home with Mary and Connor both until they were nearly 3 and home with Emily from the time she was 3. I wouldn't trade that time for anything. I also know that that's not a reality for all mom's, no matter how much they might want it. Desperate want doesn't pay the mortgage or put food on the table.
I'm also thrilled to be going back to work. Connor will benefit greatly from being away from me and going to daycare - it will do wonders for his emotional development and it will do wonders for my self esteem and sense of self worth.

I truly enjoy reading this threads on the message board where one mom judges another for her choices. It's even better when it becomes a pissing match about who is the better mom. Occasionally I'll throw my hat in too but for the most part, I just love reading other people's drama. It reminds me that I'm normal.

And working mom or stay at home mom...I'm a damn good mom.


  1. you know, I saw that post and didn't even click on I must troll the board for it...It's like reading a great soap opera sometimes.

  2. It was ridiulous and I so wanted to say to her "Holy crap woman - shut up - you're giving the rest of us a bad name!!