I've learned some things about myself lately. Some good, some not so good. I'm in a bit of a funk and I'm sure that's part of the reason why I'm focusing on these things.
1. I am done having children. This is a big thing for me to say. I'm done to the point that Sean could say tomorrow that he was going to get a snippity snip done and I'd drive him there myself. The thought of pregnancy, labour, delivery, night waking, newborn neediness, infant milestones...all of it makes me want to crawl under a very big blanket and hide.
I will ohh and ahh other women's big bellies and goo gaa over other women's newborn babies and all the while I am thanking God it's not me. And I'm okay with that.
2. I'm fat. I don't mean that in a "I wear a size 6 so I'm fat" kind of way. I mean it in a "I weigh 12 lbs more than I did when I delivered Mary Jo" kind of way.
3. I think I have a food addiction. I quit smoking 6 years ago so I know about addiction. I know the mental games I played when I tried to quit the 10 times prior to when I succeeded. It was the "I'll have this last smoke and that will be it. I will do it. I can do it." Until the nicotine wore off an hour later and then I lit another smoke. I have much of the same conversations about eating. "I will eat more veggies/fruits/salads. I will eat smaller portions. I will change my carb intake to more fibrous carbs rather than starchy ones and I'll balance them with protein. I will do it. I can do it." Until I get bored/hungry/tired/upset or see chicken wings on sale. I know how I should eat. And I know I don't eat that way. I'm not a believer in diets, they don't work. I know it's a lifestyle change that's needed but I can't seem to get over that hump.
4. I need to exercise more. I had a class a few weeks ago on the third floor of my school. So in walking from the Timmy's on the first floor, up a flight of stairs, down a hall and up another flight of stairs I got horribly winded.
I try doing my Wii Fit but I just don't have the gumption. Plus, I need some cardio work to get my heart going and hoola hooping just ain't cutting it. I'm thinking of taking up jogging but again, it's all about taking that first step. (which I did take...I'm charging my iPod in anticipation of trying to go for a run tonight.....though I'm also already making excuses about how tired I am, I have blisters from my damn high heels yesterday and I might run into crazy naked lady and go blind (more on her later)
5. I'm getting bitter in my old age. About anything and everything. I'm going to be one of those old blue haired ladies who complains about E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.
I guess I'm just a general mess.
So yesterday morning I'm taking Emily out to a class she goes to on Saturdays. We come out the front door and I notice traffic in front of our house is moving really slowly. That usually means an accident so I look down the street and something in front of my neighbours house catches my eye. It's an elderly naked woman.
There is a a group home around the corner for (I suspect) people with minor mental illnesses. I see this woman all the time. She walks past my house daily. She's usually dressed decently, never wears her teeth and has some wild grey/white hair. Well, I'm guessing that yesterday she was off her meds because she clearly forgot her clothes.
I saw her and said to Em "Holy crap! Look at that!" Then I realize I'm talking to my 10 yr old and said, "No, don't look, go in!" So I call Sean out to watch where she's going while I call 911 to come and collect her. Meanwhile another neighbour is following her down the street and some lady came out of Timmy's and put a coat over her.
The police and ambulance showed up about 10 min later to collect her.
An hour later she was being dropped back off at home.
I'm sure this woman is of no harm and hopefully when I see her next she'll be clothed but it was one of those surreal moments when you say to yourself, am I really seeing that??? And it's an image stuck in my mind now. Blech!!
So there is one more reason to get myself in better shape. One day I might be the crazy naked lady on the street....I at least want to look good!