Thursday, April 22, 2010

Satisfaction

One of my brothers is a drama queen. It's widely known. He's not content if there is not some kind of drama, conflict or battle for the greater good in his life. Every job he's had he has some type of conflict with his boss. He's got conflict with family and friends. That's just him and we take him at face value.

The thing is, I think I'm a lot more like him than I care to admit. Take for instance my job. I love being at home with my kids. Right now Connor is in his bed, almost sleeping. I've got Oprah on (I hate Oprah but there's nothing else on at this hour) I've surfed through FF and The Pumpkin Patch. I've done my facebooking. I've even worked on my daycare newsletter a bit. Now how great is my job??!!
Of course, I'm also flat broke and with no new clients in sight (actually I have an interview on Monday night) there is that familiar nag of getting a "real job" with a stable paycheck and a benefits package.
So I applied to the school boards, went to my interview and now that I'm faced with the prospect of possibly being offered this much sought after position I'm scared. What if I hate it. What if I miss Connor so much I can't function? What if I'm not good at it? Or even worse, what if I don't even get the job. Everyone who's anyone knows I went for the interview so if I don't get the job I suffer the humiliation of everyone knowing I didn't get the job (which makes me further question my own abilities)

I always look forward to when I have a day off work. But then when that day comes I don't know what to do with myself and I end up bored stiff. Like today. And then I eat food I don't need and
spend money I don't have.

I think it's just a grass is greener type of thing. I wonder when I'll ever feel satisfied?

And now, completely off track. I'm watching Oprah. She's got this family on Skype talking to her about living a 'green' lifestyle. There is are two girls, I'm guessing close to Emily and Mary's ages. The younger one is sitting on her dad's lap and older one is sitting at the end with mom and dad between her and the younger one. The younger one keeps taking her foot and putting it over in the older daughters lap and the older daughter is pushing her foot away and mouthing "Stop" to her sister.
I have two thoughts. First - do I find this so distracting because I am the parent of two kids who would probably be doing the Exact. Same. Thing. I want to say to the little one "get your feet off your sister and stop being a pain the neck - don't you know you're on Oprah!?!" and I want to say to the older kid "Geez, get over it, it's only a foot. Ignore her and she'll stop!"
Second, I feel for the parents because you can see the dad isn't really noticing and you can see the mom is noticing but isn't sure how to handle it, being on Oprah and all.

I wonder - do people who aren't parents even notice these things?

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