Friday, March 23, 2012

One More Week

I have one week left until I go back to work.

One week.

I never thought, when I left school last June that I'd be off for the next 9 months. I never thought when I left school last June that I'd have to deal with all I have. (though I'll admit, at that time I feared I would)

I'm glad the past nine months are over. I'm looking forward to getting back to my regularly scheduled program.

But the thing is, this is never over. It will forever be a fear in the back of my mind. It will always be a nagging 'what if?'. I will question every ache and pain. I will stress over every lump and bump. I will worry non stop probably for the rest of my life that it will come back. If it does, I will fight again. But I don't want to have to. It's hard and it's scary and it's taxing.

Cancer has changed my life and believe it or not - it's changed it in mostly a good way. And I've learned a lot.

I have learned that many of those cliche's are actually true.
I've learned who I can  really count on.
I've learned that kindness shows up in the most unexpected places.
I've learned that life is short.
I've learned that I'm not going to waste another minute of it stressing about things that really don't matter and to let things roll like water off a ducks back.
I've learned that I'm not interested in drama.
I've learned that you'll never make everyone happy so just be the best person you can be and the rest will fall into place.
I've learned that I would rather spend 20 minutes playing with my kids than cleaning my house. It will still be there later but my kids will be grown up.
I've learned that making time for myself is just as important and I shouldn't feel guilty about it.
I've learned that I'm a hell of a lot stronger than I ever thought I could be.

In short - cancer has taught me to live my life. And to love my life, imperfections and all.

And so I will, carpe diem, as it were.

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