Dear People of WalMart in Canada

WalMart has only been in Canada since 1994. And we've only had WalMart Supercentres since 2006. For that reason WalMart doesn't quite have the same reputation in Canada as it does in the US. And the clientele who shop there are, for the most part....less Walmartish.  

You don't see many 300 lb women in daisy dukes or 60 year old men in unitard at our WalMarts - they shop at Zellers (at least until Target gets here)

But just because there are no 'boobs-to-the-knees-forgot-my-teeth-at-home-and-wearing-my-eight-year-old-daughter's-leopard-print-skirt' shoppers at our WalMart doesn't mean we're short of stupid. So I think should offer my opinions; nay, it's my duty to send out this PSA to all the people of WalMart Canada, lest we become like the dreaded "people of WalMart"

1. To the cashiers:  I have reusable shopping bags. I bring them because I am trying to do, what little I can for the environment. Shopping for a family of 5 means a lot of food and sundries and if I put them all in your plastic bags I'd not only be swimming in them but contributing to the demise of our planet.  So if I'm bringing my reusable shopping bags...PUT MY GROCERIES IN THEM!  I understand some people don't want their meat in the reusable bags but you see, I put my meat in those handy little plastic bags you have in the produce and meat departments (and no, the irony of my complaint is not lost on me) If my meat is nicely bagged in those bags...don't put it in another plastic bag. Put it in my bag. This also goes for bags of milk and potatoes.

See, in Canada we can buy our milk in bags like this

It's 4 litres of milk, in 3 separate bags that we put into these handy jugs. As a side note, those milk bags are da bomb for storage...snip open the top, wash them out and they are fantastic freezer bags.

Anyhow, the point of all of this is that my family of 5 goes through 2 of these 4 litre bags in about 3 days. So I have to buy 4 of these things a week. They are obscenely heavy. And a bit awkward to carry. So I'd like you, dear cashier to not put them aside for my to put into my cart...I'd like them in my reusable shopping bag...the ones with handles so I can carry the flippin' thing! And no, I don't want you to put both of my 4 litre bags into one shopping bag because I know I hide my 170 lbs nicely in my 5'3" frame but I'm not body builder and it's not a compliment to me to think that I can carry that shit.

Dear cashier of WalMart....I've never been a cashier before (unless you count when I worked at Wonderland in the Christmas store...yeah, jingle bells in July rocks!) but I'm betting it's not the hardest job in the world. I'm sure being on your feet all day sucks and you get some rude customers but I'm nice and almost always polite but holy crap....all I ask is that you put my friggin' groceries in the bags provided, kay?! And if all else fails, ASK ME!

2. To the shoppers behind me in the check out line:  If I am putting my items on the conveyor belt do not put yours on until I am done putting mine on. See how that belt moves everytime the cashier takes an item? It's a sensor that when the laser line is not broken more the belt up to bring the groceries closer to her. If I'm not done loading my groceries on to the belt before you start and the belt is moving forward, guess what? You're stuff will be in front of me and I'll have no where to put my things. I can assure you, I'm not going to pay for your stuff.

And dear shopper, if you don't have the sense to move your groceries out of my way I'm going to ask once...nicely....but only once. And then I'm just going move your shit for you. Now I'm clean person but since I'm also a complete stranger, do you really want me manhandling all your groceries? Plus, I'm not really going to be nice about it and I'm going to mutter under my breath bitch just loud enough for you to hear about your ignorance and that you are, in fact, not the only person on this fine earth.

So please, dear shopper, wait your turn.

3. To the people who set off the alarms at the door or perhaps know the greeters by name:

If you've set off the alarm or want to stop and chitty chat with the greeter by all means, have at it, but please do not stand right in front of the door. Some of us would like to leave. If you are standing right smack dab in the middle of the the theft detectors things or right in front of the door, the rest of us can't get out. It all goes back to that simple statement; you are not the only person in the world.

Dear Chit Chatter...stand to the side!!

4. To the young men who work at WalMart (in whatever capacity)  Please shower. Often. Please remember that as a teen or young man your hormones are at work and you create a lot of odor. I can promise you, it's really bad for business for you to be stinking to holy hell while stocking the bread shelf. I get it, you're not a stakeholder, why do you care if it's bad for WalMart's business. But you know, life has a way of shaking things up and you never know when the woman (or man, if that's the way your flag flies) of your dreams will be there shopping one day.You don't want the one you're destined to be with to pass you by because you were smelly that day.

Dear young man, on your way out of work today stop in aisle 7 and pick up some Irish Spring and Old Spice.

I hope my little reminder help. I like my Walmart, I really do. But beware...Target will be here in one short year and unless you smarten up your act we're gonna turn into this......

http://youtu.be/2KRwPdDdaxU