Monday, January 23, 2012

What Does Cake and Carmel Corn Have to Do With My Healthy Eating Plan?

Not. One. Thing. But I ate them anyway.
Oh, and half a bag of M&M's. 

Remember that talk we had about cancer feeding on sugar and how I need to cut it out. Yeah, clearly even having cancer doesn't do much to boost my self control.

I had a hankering for cake on the weekend and it just so happened that I had a cake mix and can of icing in the cupboard so I made it. I've only had two small medium sickeningly large pieces. If it's any consolation though I felt really, really guilty after the second piece and had eaters remorse. So I drank another beer to drown that feeling. (yes, I'm aware of the high sugar content in beer.) not to mention the link between alcohol and breast cancer. 

Yesterday we took Connor to Monster Jam. He loves the monster trucks and loves Gravedigger. But no trip to a big arena with loud trucks and, lots of dirt and men with only 4 or 5 teeth in their mouths is complete without junk food. So Connor and I shared a bag (a large bag) of M&M's and then another bag of caramel corn. We would have shared a bag of cotton candy too (yeah baby - spin sugar!) but I didn't have enough money left (it was $15 - but you got a really nifty Gravedigger hat with it!) 

If I were still getting visits from my monthly 'friend' I'd blame it on that but since chemo has thrown me into menopause that's not the case. It's just plain crappy self control.

And let's discuss that menopause. It's not necessarily permanent - I could resume my previously scheduled fertility but for now I get to endure the craptastic symptoms  including the oh so fun hot flashes and emotional chaos. One minute I'm happy, the next I'm in tears and then I'm raging. It's super awesome and I recommend it to everyone. And that feeling that you're so hot - on fire - from the inside and you're sweating profusely. I've honestly come close to stripping down to my skivvies in the mall. I don't know how to dress anymore when I go out places. See, I also suffer from chills. I don't know if it's from the chemo or the lack of hair or what but I get so cold sometimes that I can wear layers upon layers of clothes and still not feel warm - but then 30 seconds later the fire is lit from within and I want to vomit from being so hot. So you can see how this causes some wardrobe issues.

I start radiation today. I'm hoping it's quick. I'm hoping even more that it doesn't aggravate my lymphedema even more. My sausage hand hurts like a bitch.

I'm suffering from insomnia too. Since August my sleep has been enhanced by either percocets or the effects of chemo. Well now I have no more chemo (yay) and no more need for perks so my sleep is au naturale. Except that I'm only able to sleep in 2 hour blocks - so 2 hours after I fall asleep I wake up and am wide awake again for hours. I'm exhausted.

I know, this has been a really whiny, bitchy post. Blame it almost entirely on my lack of sleep. I'm not pleasant when I'm tired.

I'll be nicer tomorrow. I promise.

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