I'd love to show them to you but I actually can't see them myself.
I went for my radiation mapping appointment today. This is where they lay you in the CT Scan machine and use laser lines to plot where they will be zapping me with radiation. And to make extra sure they are getting the exact same spot they tattoo you. So I have 4 nice new, blue/black freckles on my chest, armpit area.
Truly though, I can't really even see them, I suppose they know what they are looking for. (I sure hope they do!)
So, the good news is now I know when radiation starts...which more importantly, tells me when I'm done. I start January 23rd so I'm done on February 27th. Ya - frickin - hoo!!
Then I'll take a month to recover from the side effects of this and provided my Doctor has no objections I'll be back to work for April 2nd.
When I was at the radiation clinic the tech was talking to me about what the appointment today would entail. Positioning me, doing the CT Scan, tattooing and sending me on my way. I listened, nodded, didn't have any questions. She asked me if I'd watched the video they gave me (they gave me a DVD about the whole radiation process) I said no, I'd not had the chance to. She said "Oh, you just seem so informed and understanding about what's happening."
I guess this has been my attitude the whole time. I'm scared, sure, but the simple fact is, A: millions of people do this daily (unfortunately) B: They are experts and I have to trust they know what they are doing and C: If this will cure me of cancer BRING IT ON!!
The blog post that wasn't for yesterday was partially about how I think I'm a lot like my Dad...a realist. I don't really give in to false hopes or pipe dreams...I see the picture for what it is and try to make the best of it. I have cancer. I can wallow and be a suck about it or I can deal with it, fight it and get on with life. I can't let it control me more than it has to. I think, as terrible as the realist attitude might sound to an optimist, it's really that attitude that keeps me in such good spirits. It's the simple fact that I'm facing the facts that help me get up every morning, put on a smile (and genuinely mean it!) and go about my day.
I think the real challenge will be when I'm done the fight and can get back to real life. I've got a different perspective now - those small things we're not supposed to sweat? Yeah, you wouldn't believe how truly insignificant some of them are...and since I've never been one to hold my tongue I suspect I'll either be telling a lot of people to shut their pie holes and quit their bitchin' or I'll have to practice holding my tongue.
Maybe that's the small stuff I'll have to not sweat...the whiners of the world. That might take some practice.
I should start now.