Saturday, July 28, 2012

The Big C

One year ago today I sat in my surgeon's office and listened to her tell me that I had cancer.

On a deeper level I knew already but to hear it being said out loud made it real.

I remember the beginning of July last year, thinking that it would be the last summer I spent at the beach with my kids. I remember when we went to Canada's Wonderland thinking I should go on all the scary rides because what I was about to face was a hell of a lot more scary than a really big roller coaster. I remember thinking I was going to die.

The fear of cancer will never go away for me.  Any ache, pain, lump or bump is going to terrify me. Any cough, sneeze or headache is going to make me want to run to the Dr.

But something else has changed in me too. I've become an entirely different person. I've changed more in the last year than in the 37 years prior.

I'm more outgoing. That painful shyness I used to have is all but gone. I'm still a little on the quiet side in new situations but at least I'm in the new situations. I would have avoided them before.

I'm taking chances I never did before - doing things I never would have dreamed of before.  I don't suffer fools and don't listen to bullshit. I don't engage in drama and focus only on the positives.

I'm being the person I always was but was too afraid of what others would think of me to actually be. I am living my life, happily.

Cancer was a bump in my life's road. A huge bump (that took away one of my bumps..ha ha) but I'm happy to say I'm over the bump and looking at it in my rear view mirror.

But not for too's always best to look ahead.

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