Thursday, January 22, 2009

Dieting, sickness and all the rest

My life seems to be revolving around two main themes. Self improvement and sick kids.

I've finally bit the bullet and decided to change my eating habits. I hate saying diet because lets face it, diets are so short term and in the long run, while I might enjoy a short time of skinny, in the end I'd still be fat. I'm trying to have more self control and I'm seriously finding this just as hard as when I quit smoking. Temptation is everywhere. I pack the girls lunches for school and it takes all my will to not nip a cheese string for myself. I get the daycare kids a cookie for dessert and have to leave mine (okay, leave my 3) in the bag. And the worst thing I've given up is my evening ritual with Sean. After the kids have all gone to bed we snuggle up on the couch, have a beer or two and munch. We can polish off one of those Oriental Party Platters from M&M's in two nights. Mmmmmm pot stickers......

I'm not giving up beer. No way. I like my beer too much. I've cut down my coffee, drinking so much water I spend a good portion of the day doing my pee pee dance. And I gave up my diet coke.

Of course, the three pieces of pizza I had last night didn't help matters but in my defence Connor was sick and my new eating means I'm cooking two meals (my little rail thin kids need the fat I'm not eating) and well, frankly, who wants to cook when you can be cuddled on the couch with your sick boy.

Self improvement isn't easy and I don't know what has come over me in the last few months. I guess I'm getting older and have decided that I'm not going to feel like shit anymore. My self esteem has taken some serious blows in the past few years and the only person who can pick me up and dust me off is me. So I can wallow in my misery, eat 4 lbs of hors d'oeuvres and die at 55 or I can fix my teeth, lose some weight, enjoy my life and the rest can be damned.

On a slightly different note, we're on day 53 of sick kid watch. I know I shouldn't complain. My kids have had assorted flu's, colds, stomach bugs and the like...there are far worse things that could be happening but holy crap, when does it end? Connor's nasty cough turned into nasty fever last night. This is his first real fever, the first one high enough that I've had to treat with medicine anyway. I would love nothing more than for the world to go away so I can cuddle my boy, attend to his needs and no one else's and make him better.

What a joke it is to call me a SAHM. (okay a WAHM) The only difference I've seen is that my kid can suffer at home with illness rather than at daycare. I still have to work and while my little guy cries for his Mommy to make him better I still have to tend to the needs of all the other kids. I could close the daycare until he's better but lets face reality...if I closed everytime someone was sick I'd have no clients left. I feel ripped off though and I feel like I'm ripping Connor off. I felt this way with Mary too and if I recall it was the reason I went back to work out of the home, thinking it would actually be better for her.

I know better now and while I feel like he's getting ripped off I know in actual fact that while I may not be able to just lounge on the couch and cuddle him all day his mommy is there to pick him up, wipe his tears, hug him and tell him he'll feel better soon.

We'll all feel better soon.

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