Friday, March 14, 2014

I'm Not Eating That!

I love tax season. Say what you will but I love it because I always get a refund and between Sean and I it's usually enough to go for a nice dinner out and then use the rest for bills or a major purchase we've been holding off on. (Last year was my super comfy mattress)

This year we decided to take the family out to dinner at the Mandarin (a Chinese buffet restaurant) For the uninitiated it's not just Chinese food (which is great because I'm not a fan of Chinese food) it's got everything. I mean everything.

Earlier in the week Emily went to the Mandarin with her two bff's for dinner and when she came home she told me after they'd finished eating one of her friends suggested a game. Each of them would go to the buffet and make a plate for one of the others with three of the grossest things they could find. The challenge was to see if you could eat what was given to you.

Now you must know, I'm that kind of person who welcomes the chance to make my husband and children gag. No kidding, it's funny as hell.  So we decided it would be fun to play that game too. The rules were simple. You had to eat one full bite of each item on the plate. If you didn't, you didn't get dessert.  To make it fair we drew names out of a hat.

It's easy to do this on the kids - they are so picky that just about everything in the buffet that isn't pizza or noodles makes the gag. Emily got a deviled egg, raw broccoli in some kind of white sauce and a piece of cuttlefish. She managed to get it all down. Mary had cuttlefish, an oyster and a mushroom. Amazingly she did it too. (Mary is not at all adventurous with food) We didn't make Connor play. My mom got seaweed salad, an oyster and something else I can't remember.

Then it was me and Sean. I had his name and he had mine. The problem is Sean will try anything once and likes just about everything he eats.

Lucky for me he had some curry chicken and didn't like the particular curry they used so naturally I got him some of that. But I had a hard time finding something else. He loves seafood so cuttlefish and oysters were not going to do it. So I go seaweed salad for him - solely because the seaweed was shredded along with shredded carrots so it kind of looked slimy and wormlike. You know on shows like Survivor when they have to eat things like meal worms or grubs - yeah, he can't even look at the tv without gagging. I also got him cottage cheese. He loves cheese but again, it's the texture I was hoping would work in my favor.

Success - he hated everything I got him! He choked it down but he hated it all.

But then it was my turn. Here's the thing. I'll also try anything once. But there are things in the buffet that I absolutely know I can not eat and I was sure he was going to go right for them. Oysters being the big one. I've had one - once. Forget the slimy texture - I can't get past how it looks. It looks like a vagina - clitoris and all. Vagina's are not attractive - not in the tiniest bit.

But my husband loves me. Either that or he didn't think of bringing me one because instead he chose the biggest - nastiest olive (I HATE olives - even the smell is nauseating) and a cuttlefish (which is like a tiny little squid.) Lucky for me I don't mind squid. It's like chewing a tire but it's doesn't have a taste. The olive on the other hand. I thought I was going to lose my supper. And because I married the greatest man alive, my third thing was a macaroon. Not because I hate them but because he loves me.

So we all choked down our nasty plates and headed for the dessert buffet.

The funniest thing about the whole event was that my children ate all that nasty stuff so that they could get dessert - but they both gave up chocolate for Lent which really limited what they could take from the dessert buffet and being the picky eaters they are, they were pretty well left with ice cream. So it wasn't even worth it for them! Bahahahaha.

Yeah, I'm that mother - the one who laughs at her children's misfortunes.

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