Wednesday, July 31, 2013

In Sickness and in Health

I'm going to preface this post with a warning. Some of the material below may be graphic in detail and if you are of the weak in the stomach tribe you might just want to skip out on reading today's post and go google  pictures of cute kittens.
This is actually my kitten, Licorice, the week we got him. He really was the smallest kitten I've ever seen. He managed to get into the kids' beanbag chair but couldn't get out. so he just laid there, "meap"ing at us (he doesn't 'mew' he 'meap's.) All together now......awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Okay, back to business.....

My home care nurse came today to change the dressing on my last remaining drainage tube and remove the steri strips from my stitched up areas. I was regaling her with a tale about how I'd been trying to empty my grenade ( it's what we call the little bulb that collects the drainage) and a clot of, oh I don't know, blood, tissue, some other random nastiness got stuck in it and I had to squeeze it really hard.

Now we all know what happens when you squeeze the ketchup bottle when a little bit of dried up ketchup clogs the've got more ketchup on the plate (and table and cutlery and surrounding plates and your shirt) than you've got on your Oscar Mayer wiener.

Well, this is what happened to me except it wasn't ketchup and it wasn't dinner. It was unidentified fluids and such draining from the incision in my back and it was all over my bathroom sink, counter and mirror (don't worry, for those of you who know me in real life, it's been thoroughly toidy is safe)

Anyhow, the nurse thoroughly enjoyed the story, thought it was hysterical. I guess she's had her fair share of incidents with these grenades. Not everyone is as self sufficient a patient as I am and not everyone empties their own tubes.

From there we got to talking about how truly disgusting the human body is. I truly give props to all Doctors and Nurses, not just because I think they are noble professions but because damn.....the human body has some nasty shit associated with it....shit being the least of the issues.

I commented that if I haven't scared Sean away yet, what with the mastectomy and all the things associated with that (yeah, more drainage tubes) chemo, and now this (not to mention child birth; yes it's a beautiful thing but that is purely a spiritual beauty....beyond that it's just plain gross!) that our marriage was rock solid. She commented that we were really taking the "in sickness and in health" part of our vows for a test drive.

And we are. My man has stuck it out through some pretty gross experiences and he's not once made a face (at least not when I'd have been sensitive to it) He dutifully changes what needs to be changed, cleaned what needs to be changed and still tells me I'm beautiful.  Even when I look as I do right now. (train wreck folks)

He's pretty freakin' awesome to say the least.

One day I'll be hot again, I'll have two full boobs and nothing nasty oozing from me. And if (God forbid) he needs me to clean some kind of nastiness off of him I'll do it with a smile. Because he's worth it.


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