Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Guilt

What is it with guilt? Really, I mean I know it can really work to ones benefit sometimes (I could give a Jewish mother a good run for her money in the guilt trip department) but what about when it's you making yourself feel guilty.

We went to Vegas. It was great. Despite being borderline hysterical on the plane (it's unnatural for humans to fly, I'll never be comfortable with it) and being disappointed about part of our trip being cancelled I had a wonderful time. Sean and I renewed our wedding vows at the Little White Wedding Chapel. (isn't that the one Britney went to?) We gambled...my favorite past time. We ate...oh my God, did we eat! We saw some awesome shows. And no matter how much fun I was having, in the back of my mind all I could think about was how horrible a mother I am for leaving my babies behind for 5 days. And what kind of mother am I spending thousands of dollars on a vacation that I couldn't (wouldn't) bring my kids on.

So my second night there I cried on my steak. All through supper. All I thought about was Connor wondering where his Mommy went and why he hasn't seen her. I had hoped that he still lived in an out of sight out of mind world but then heard that he was extra clingy. That made me cry more.
So besides buying myself some new heels (which were a total necessity because holy crap the heels I brought killed my feet) and a sweater at the airport because I had accidentally checked my jacket and my sunburn was giving me a chill, I only bought things for the kids. Buying my way out of guilt.

When we got home Connor gave me a hug like one he's never given before. He just put his head on my shoulder and laid there for about 5 minutes. It was the best feeling ever. (of course, the girls just wanted to know what we bought them and then went back to the computer)
And since then, he hasn't left my side. He's made it clear that out of sight out of mind is certainly not part of his world anymore and I'm being punished for going on vacation but having to deal with super clingy boy.

And that's just fine by me.

1 comment:

  1. I feel ya! I was just away from Nora for the first time last weekend and felt awful! She gave me a BIG huge and snuggle just like Conner did you, completely teared me up and melted my heart. Don't they make you feel like promising to NEVER, NEVER, NEVER leave them again?

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