One week to go

In one more week we will be gearing up for the Relay for Life.

Being that it's our first year, I'm not really sure what to expect. I know the kids will be tired. I doubt the girls will stay all night, they'll likely go home with Sean and Connor to sleep.

Our campsite is miles away from everything! I'm not sure if that's good or bad, we'll see.

Instead of sitting here and playing online I should be getting my foot x-rayed because I think I re fractured the break I had 15 yrs ago.It hurts like the dickens (did I really just say that?) and I've been favoring it for over a week - not good. So I'm sure the relay is not going to help it.

I'm looking forward to it though. I think it will be a sad night but I think it will be a healing night too. Only 24 more days until we reach the first anniversary of my Dad's death. I can't believe it's been a year already.

When we first signed up for the relay I set a goal of $300. We reached that in a week. So I bumped up the goal to $500 and we got to it but then we stalled.
Sean and I talked and he put forth the challenge - that if we raised $1500 he would shave his head bald. So I put it out there and it seemed like overnight the pledges came in. $5, $15, $100. It was overwhelming. And even more overwhelming was who these pledges were coming from.

I recall a few years ago when my mom's best friend has just died from cancer I was speaking with her daughter (commonly referred to as "Jean's very first friend") and she had said to me "There are people coming out of the woodwork to offer their sympathies but where were these people when she was sick?" It rung out to me and I saw it too when my Dad was sick. It was such a short period of time but his cancer and death really showed us who our real friends are - and more importantly - who isn't.

I think this Relay has been the same thing (for me) I put the call out to my family and friends and I know who heard the call.

Now, before I offend anyone - I want to make something clear - because I know there are people who read my blog who did not pledge to us and I don't want you thinking that I don't think you are a friend or you weren't there to support us...I know who reads my blog and you don't fit into 'not there for us' category and I'll explain why.

There were people I expected to make a pledge. I don't mean I thought they would....I mean for them it shouldn't have been an option. (I'll use my Dad's brother as an example. He did pledge but had he not I would have had some very serious questions as to why he didn't). That's what I mean.

This Relay has really been a part of the healing process for our family. It's still very fresh to us. I know in the grand scheme of things our $1500 is a drop in the bucket for what is really needed but our $1500 with someone else's $1500 and someone else's $1500 adds up.

So when I had pledges flooding in from people who I never in a million years would have expected to pledge to us I was overwhelmed with emotion. So much joy that there are people who care, who understand that it's not about the money (or how much they've pledged) - but it's the support in this horrible journey of bereavement.
But I've also been hurt - by those who should have been there to support us...and weren't. I guess we know who our friends are.

But I won't let it get me down. I am preparing for the great shave. I get to shave Sean's head by proxy (our donor who put us over the $1500 mark lives in the US) and I'm excited to be sleeping with Mr. Clean for a while. hee hee

It's gonna be a hectic week but I'll be sure to post the video of his head shave as soon as I can and I'm sure I'll have a huge post next Saturday after I catch up on my sleep.

The Mommy Wars - Part 2

I recently read a message on FF from a woman who wondered if she should giver her daycare provider an extra day off after a paid vacation. Being a home daycare provider I naturally weighed in (oddly enough, I was one of the few that said no, she shouldn't give her daycare provider the day off....but anywho...)

At one point another daycare provider said what most daycare providers feel....if you are at home why would you even consider sending your child to daycare - they want to be at home with you, not with us. And under other circumstances my reply would have been the same but because they would have been on holidays for the two weeks prior they are spending that time together and I and totally understand wanting a day to yourself.

Shortly after another daycare provider (I use that term loosely in this case) piped in with her thoughts which basically consisted of slamming any working parent for being neglectful and selfish and continuing on with how she basically raises other people's kids for them, all the while complaining about the job. It's ironic actually, if it weren't for those neglectful, selfish people she wouldn't have a job.
In short, she gives those of us who take this job seriously a bad name.

All of this started another of my favorite Mommy wars. It's the Working Mom vs Stay at Home Mom war - who is a better mother and who loves their kids more.

I'm very fortunate to have been on both sides of this fence. I've been (and will be again soon) a working mom (for the sake of this post 'working mom' refers to those who work outside of the home because yes, I acknowledge that EVERY mom is a working mom - some just don't get paid for their hard work - at least not in cash) and I've been a stay at home mom. And I've loved both and I've hated both. But the thing is, as a working mom or a stay at home mom I've been the same mom. I love my kids the same. I discipline the same. I worry the same. I was blessed to be able to be home with Mary and Connor both until they were nearly 3 and home with Emily from the time she was 3. I wouldn't trade that time for anything. I also know that that's not a reality for all mom's, no matter how much they might want it. Desperate want doesn't pay the mortgage or put food on the table.
I'm also thrilled to be going back to work. Connor will benefit greatly from being away from me and going to daycare - it will do wonders for his emotional development and it will do wonders for my self esteem and sense of self worth.

I truly enjoy reading this threads on the message board where one mom judges another for her choices. It's even better when it becomes a pissing match about who is the better mom. Occasionally I'll throw my hat in too but for the most part, I just love reading other people's drama. It reminds me that I'm normal.

And working mom or stay at home mom...I'm a damn good mom.