Things can only get better right?

Wow. I am officially stressed.

I've been struggling with this essay for my class. It's my first essay in 15 years so I want to do it right. I have to write about a leader (past or present) their leadership style and why or why not I think this person was a great leader. I've chosen Gandhi. I'll be honest, I knew very little about him except that he was big on fasting until I started reading about him. I chose him based on a quote of his I read on a website. "We must become the change we want to see in the world." Words to live by. He was an interesting man and I'm learning a lot and I'm not stressed about the content of the essay, more the technicals like footnotes and citing. I don't do failure well.

I'm also stressing about the daycare. I have two parents going on mat leave early next year so their kids, at best, will drop down to 2 days a week, at worst, withdrawn completely. I have one child who's moving in the next month or so and will be leaving. I still have my anchor child, little M, who's been here since before she could talk but now that she's in school full time so her fees aren't very much.

So I had an interview today with a client for January, a baby. Couldn't be better timing with both the other babies dropping down to part time around then but here's the thing. Today was the day that one of the babies decided not only was he not going to take his morning nap but he was also going to cry inconsolably. This triggered the other little one to cry, who probably would have napped but she's working out of the morning naps so it would have messed her up for the afternoon. To make matters worse, the interview showed up right at lunch time, when everyone (myself included) was beyond meltdown and feeling fowl.

Thank God Sean was home today, he gave lunch while I spoke with the parents but I'll tell ya, I will not be the least bit surprised if I never hear from them again. Great.

My week started so well, ended on a sour note yesterday and just keeps going downhill.

Calgone, take me away.

Feeling down.

I've been missing my dad a lot lately. It's just little things, like I'd be in the backyard with the kids and he'd come out and say hi. Or I'd take Connor downstairs to do laundry and he'd go to my Dad's room and give him his remotes and shoes.

Connor's birthday is coming up and I know my mom is making him a coat out of my Dad's coat. Everytime we were in the dining room and my Dad would come up Connor would tell my Dad to put his coat on and go out the door (my Dad would smoke in the garage so his coat was always hung at the back door) That conversation was 'their' thing.
When he got sick my Dad told my Mom that she'd have to wash out his 'garage coat' and save it for Connor. It's one of the few items of clothing my Mom kept of his and she's got it all cut into the pattern for a coat for Connor now. I saw it down there the other day and I think that is why I'm feeling so down.

As adults my Dad and I were not really really close, despite his living here. He wasn't one for chit chat but I still remember the last real conversation we had together, about 3 days or so before he died. It's his presence that I miss most of all. Just knowing he was there was enough and I miss him so much.