I stopped into my school today to pick up some books I ordered. Despite not being there I'm still a book-a-holic and when that Scholastic catalogue comes in I can't help but buy some. God knows what I'm going to do with my collection of 5000 picture books when Connor outgrows them and I retire. Save them for the grandkids I guess. My kids will never have to buy books for their kids.
Anyway, I spoke with my principal about my upcoming surgery and my frustration with not knowing when it will be and how long I'll be out. And he said to me....
"Just take care of yourself. We miss you here but you know, no one is going to take care of you. You have to take care of yourself."
At first I was taken by surprise. I was thinking, WTF? Y'all don't give a shit?? But then I got it. I got what he meant.
You see, he was my boss when I first got diagnosed but he was new to the school and had never worked with me before so all he had to go on was whatever the outgoing principal told him and perhaps what other teachers had told him.
I'm good at my job. No, not good, I excel at my job. And the whole 6 months I was off for treatments all I wanted to do was go back to work. And when I did get back my classroom was in such a state of disarray and chaos that I truly questioned why I went back and went home in tears most nights.
The next school year (last year) was better - way better and I felt like things came around. And this year...well the first 4 months were the best ever.
But now I'm home again. And my classroom again is in disarray. I felt nauseous just going in because I am an OCD organized, clean freak. And my partner is polar opposite. And without my being there to organize us.....
I can't even go there, I'm getting palpitations.
But the thing is, my principals advice resonated with me then.
No one gives a shit. They really don't. That's not to say that no one cares. My friends care. My family cares and even the colleagues I'm close to care. But at the end of the day - you have to look after yourself because no one else is going to.
So I've changed my way of thinking and my drive. I'm not anxious to get back to work. If my upcoming surgery puts me out for the school year - so be it. I'm taking care of me.
I am replaceable at work. Maybe not by someone as amazing as me, or maybe by someone even better. But I'm not replaceable to my family. Or my friends. And they are who matter.
I am looking out for me. I will sit my fat ass on my couch and watch Let's Make A Deal and go on Facebook 10 times a day if that's what my doctor orders. I will no shovel. I will not carry the laundry basket. (but I'll do the laundry if someone else will carry it) I will take care of me.
Now before I go....I don't want this misunderstood. Because my family takes care of me like nobodies business and so do my friends...my very close ones.....this post was mostly about my attitude towards my career.