5 Years Later

It was 5 years ago today that I returned to work after cancer. I remember being excited to be getting back to a somewhat normal routine and I remember 3 days later wondering if I'd made the biggest mistake of my life and that I'd gone back to work to early. I was anxious to break free of the chains of cancer but the reality of the uphill battle I faced at work and not being as physically ready as I though I was caught up to me quickly. I muscled through those last few months of school and was never more relieved when summer began.

So five years of being cancer free has gone by. I had a big party and invited nearly everyone I knew. There was all kinds of pink things, we played bra pong and had a photo booth. It was a great time with some great friends.

I realize I haven't written anything here for nearly 3 years. I guess as life returned to normal I felt less need to find an outlet for everything that was going on. It got a bit monotonous and I'm certainly not trying to bore anyone. But lately I've had some things on my mind.

So what has been happening for the past 3 years? Well, honestly not much beyond day to day living. I get up, I work, I eat (a lot!) I hang out with my kids and my hubby. I go out with my friends, I watch tv and I play candy crush. I learned to crochet.

I have a child going to college in September. How did that happen? My daughters have boyfriends. How can that be, they are still 5 year olds! My sweet, little mama's boy is now my sweet, up to my shoulders mama's boy.

One of the women I met in my breast cancer support group passed away last year. Her cancer came back.

One of my Pumpkin Patch sister's daughter (one of our own little pumpkins!) was diagnosed with Leukemia a year and a half ago. It's heartbreaking to hear about all she's had to endure for the past 18 months but the good news is she's doing well, responding well to her treatments and. like me, getting her life back. She's a strong little girl and her mother are amazing for championing for more research on children's cancers.

And so it goes. You get cancer, you get body parts removed, your hair falls out and then, if you're one of the lucky ones, it grows back in, the cancer goes away and life goes on. But that fear is always there, lurking. I had a call back on my last mammogram and spent a week in sheer terror that my cancer had come back. It turned out to be calcification and nothing to be worried about but there is nothing to describe the feeling of having experienced it once and looking at the prospect of doing it again. Nothing like the fear of getting that call back when you've never had cancer....and that shit is scary enough.

But all is well so the story continues.....