Choices

I have to remind myself that I made this choice. I also have to remind myself that this time is different. This time the pain is for greater good

That's not to say that the pain wasn't for a  greater good last time,  it was for my survival, but this time I chose the pain. 

I am questioning my decision but only because I'm feeling so lousy right now. Each day as my body feels better so will my mind. 

But for now the medication, the smell of the tubing, the same homecare nurses, it's all painfully reminiscent of cancer. 

And so I keep reminding myself that this is not cancer, I chose this to feel better about myself, I chose this to get myself back and each day I will feel more like myself. 

And when I feel better I'm going to Victoria's  Secret and buying the most expensive and sexiest damn bra they have!!