One Year Ago

One year ago today my life was perfect. I had my dream job, a fabulous marriage, three perfect children, amazing friends and a bright future. I had it all.

One year ago tomorrow I found the lump that changed my life forever.

Reading my posts from last May until now, I've seen the range of emotion I've gone through. I've seen the fear, the anger, the sadness and even the joy.  There were times I feared I wouldn't be here now, one year later. There were times I feared the worst. And there were times I hoped for the best.

I've learned so much in the last year, about myself and about my friends and family. I've changed a lot and that has changed my relationships. Just as people purge their Facebook friends list, I've purged my life of those who haven't moved forward with me. But I've also found new friends, some in the most unlikely of places.

I've changed in my outlook and how I greet day to day life. I've got no time for superficiality or bullshit. I've got no patience for drama. I live now, in the moment.

I've become selfish. And while on the surface that might not sound like a good quality, in the spirit it's intended, it is.  I am living for what's important to me. My husband. My kids. My family. My friends. ME.  For the first time in my life I'm thinking about what I want and how I can get that.

My Dad died when he was 63. He and my Mom had plans for their retirement that they didn't get to fulfill together. I'm by no means saying my Dad wasted his life, the fact is, the means were not always there for those dreams to be fulfilled but I've taken a lot away from that. I've been given a second chance and I'm not going to waste it waiting for my life to start. It's here. It's now. And if I've got the means to fulfill a dream, for me, for Sean or the kids then what am I waiting for? Life will not wait for me.

I am going to be happy. And if something gets in the way of happy I'm going to toss it to the side. I'm going to be selfish like that. Because the only person responsible for my happiness is me. Cancer may have taken my breast but it can't take my happiness.

One year ago today my life was perfect. I had my dream job, a fabulous marriage, three perfect children, amazing friends and a bright future. I had it all.

And I still do.