doo doo difficulties

Ha ha - this post is not about poop.

I might just be the biggest suck out there. I don't know if it's because he's my only boy. Maybe because he's my last baby. It might be because he's my rainbow baby. But no matter the reason it breaks my heart to see his heart break.

Connor did so well coming off this soother. He complained a bit but I was sure I had a victory. Ha ha, how foolish was I?

In the past when I would tell him it was time for bed he'd get his lovey and toddle off to bed. He'd get into bed, hug his lovey, put a doo doo in his mouth and off to sleep he'd go. We rarely heard a peep.
Since we took his soother away bedtime has been a little more challenging. He asks for his soother and doesn't settle as easily in bed but it wasn't too horrible.
Last night that all changed. I told him it was time for bed. Well, that little boy hit me. Right in the face.
He then pitched an almighty fit, yelling for his doo doo. I couldn't get him into bed much less keep him there.
I left the room thinking he'd calm down but he didn't. He screamed holy murder in his room.
So I went back in to try and settle him. He sure knows how to lay the guilt on. He alternated between temper tantrum and crying like he'd lost his best friend. For a minute he stopped, like a light bulb went on, and looked under his bed saying "Where? Where? Doo doo!" When he realized it wasn't there he gave me the most pathetic look there ever was and collapsed into tears in my arms.

I can handle a lot of things but this felt like torture. So I left him with Sean while I ran across to Rexall to buy some soothers. When I got back Sean was with him in his room, singing songs. He got Connor settled and into bed. And we never heard a peep the rest of the night. So now, those new soothers are sitting in the cupboard, wasted.

The thing is, I'm not strong enough to go through this. I was able to sleep train all three of my kids using the cry it out method. It didn't phase me a bit. But this - this feels like I'm just being mean. I'm taking away his security. And I feel like crap for it.

As I type he is in his bed crying because it's naptime and he wants his doo doo. And his mean old mommy isn't giving him one.

Sometimes, parenting sucks.