Being 40

Dear 40 year old .....

You are NOT 20-something so please stop acting like you are.

Dress your age.
Wearing track pants outside of the house is not acceptable unless you are a phys ed teacher or something comparable. While we're at it, if you're a woman chances are your boobs are a bit saggy, and your ass is spreading. It's OKAY! Own it. But don't own it in a way that everyone else can see it. Yoga pants and tits hanging out shirts belong in the gym on 25 yr old girls who are built like brick shit houses...not 40 year old mother's of 3 (unless you are built like a brick shit house still!) Modesty is a hell of a lot sexier than you think. 

You've probably got some wrinkles and grey hair. That's okay too.
Dye your hair, use some wrinkle cream but for God's sake don't put your make up on with a trowel. It looks bad. Less is more.

Don't use 20 year old street slang.
You've had 40 years to master the language and while some slang might be acceptable, being an educated person and talking like you're from da hood just sounds plain ignorant.

Flirting is fun.
We should all do it. But flirt with someone your own age because no one likes a cougar. It makes you look pathetic.

Embrace your age.
Wear it like a badge of honour. It's a hell of an accomplishment to make it to 40 and guess what - you're still young enough to have a lot of fun - but you're also old enough to know that going to bed at 11 pm on a work night just makes good sense.

Enjoy being 40.
One day you'll be 60. You'll move slower. Things will hurt more. You'll think 40 year olds are nimrods and 20 year olds are just plain idiots. Don't waste the best years of your life wishing they were a different time because one day you'll come to realize that being 40 is a hell of a lot more fun than being 20 was but by then you'll have missed it.

Live for now. Not for yesterday.

 

 

 

Down to Once a Year

It never fails to amaze me when the entrance to the cancer centre is surrounded by smokers...some wearing hospital gowns.

I understand addiction, I was a smoker for years and I was just this side of becoming addicted to pain pills this past year. I'm still wary of even taking Advil now. But come on...smoking right in front of the cancer is kind of like a slap in the face to some of those patients. At least walk 50 ft up the sidewalk to the street.

I went to see my radiation oncologist today for my check up. I can't believe it's been a year since I finished chemo. I'm posting from my phone so I can't be sure but I think right about this time last year I was struggling with the residual effects of my final treatment and getting ready for radiation. Wow, it all seems so long ago and yet just yesterday. It's surreal.

My appointment went well. It was just a check in and to arrange for my mammogram for next June. The great news was that I don't have to see him again for a year. Sean isn't happy about that, I know he'd rather I had appointments every three months along with ct scans and bloodwork and an MRI or two. I'd rather get on with life.

And the less time I have to spend in the cancer centre....the better. I'm too comfortable there and that makes me uncomfortable.

Feeling Sad

A while ago I posted a link to a blog written by a young girl in England with terminal cancer. She had been fighting for over 5 years.

During that time she did a lot of charity work, created a charity or her own and worked endlessly at encouraging people to sign up to bone marrow registries.

Reading her blog reminded me that I might have had my own battle but hers was a lot tougher because she knew she would never be cured and not once was there a bit of whining about anything in her blog. She was the model of dignity, right up to the end. It reminded me that when I was feeling crappy that I just needed to suck it up and keep on going - with a smile on my face - because it could have been a whole lot worse.

I just read that Alice lost her fight today.

It makes me sad to read that such a young, strong girl has left our world but at the same time she really did touch a lot of lives and will continue to do so, even in death.

If you're the praying kind, remember her family in your prayers tonight.

Rest in peace Alice.

Hold On To Your Socks

If you've got a weak bladder I'm going to suggest that you go pee before you read this because I'm going to tell you something that is going to make you laugh harder than you've ever laughed before........I'll wait....go ahead.....don't forget to wash before you come back.

As I write my little blog I'm waiting to begin the Jeopardy online test.

See, I told you it was funny!!

I'm not kidding.

I thought, for shiggles that it would be fun to take the test. The truth of the matter is, I don't have a hope in hell of passing it. Not that I'm not smart....but I've seen the questions they ask in the test. It's hard shit! They ask stuff about czars and ancient Egypt. But I've got nothing better to do this evening so I thought meh, why not.

Anyhow, while I'm waiting for the test to begin I thought I'd tell you what I've been up to.

In October I opened a 'teacher store' on a website called Teachers Pay Teachers. I sell resources and lessons plans that I've created for my class. I have 9 things for sale (actually a couple of things are free) but here's the part that is exciting me. Since for the last quarter (October to December) I made $85!!!  Yeah man, $85 for selling things that I've made for my own class to use. It's like free money. I can't get over my excitement.

I've also been trying to blog a little more often on my Kindergarten blog.

Anyhow, that's what's been eating a bulk of my spare time. I've been creating digital copies of a lot of my original lesson plans and 'prettying' them up to post them for sale too.

Connor is back to normal. He spent the day of his dental work on the couch sleeping on and off and by the next morning he was his old self again. I'm glad it's done and hope we don't have any more cavities to deal with.

Alrighty, that's enough blogging for me. I'm going to have to put my smart cap on and hopefully I'll get two or three of the fifty questions right so I don't feel like a total dumbass. 

How Do Parents Do This??

I am humbled by any parent whose child has medical issues of any kind; by any parent who has to sit and wait for a child to have surgery or treatments for major illnesses.

I wrote before about Connor's cavities. I'm writing from the waiting room. They just put him to sleep. That in itself was a nightmare for me. My baby is in a giant dental chair with a mask on his face crying because he's terrified and it took so long for him to drift off.

And now I sit and wait while they do his fillings. That's the easy part I guess. They just told me he's got 8 cavities all in his molars (thanks shitty genetics) so they'll be a while.

And I still feel like an idiot for even going on like this because of all the people whose names pop into my head who have gone through REAL problems withy their kids, not this petty bullshit. And I'm sure each and every one of them would like to slap me and say 'quit being an asshole, it's a cavity!! Talk to me when there is something really wrong with your child!!"

It's not the cavities though, it's the anesthesia. I'm terrified he won't wake up.

These people do this everyday. They are trained medical experts. He'll be fine. And I'll be fine when we're home and he's back to normal.

I guess what I want to say is Charla, Jenny, Missy, and Shauna....you ladies are all super heroes in my books. If I'm getting this worked up over some silly little cavities I'd be downright catatonic after walking even 10 feet in your shoes.

Hello 2013!

Time is a funny thing. At this time last year I was not 100% sure I'd be here this year. I'll bet you didn't know that. I was good at hiding it. I played it off like I was the pillar of confidence and strength when in fact I was quite frankly, scared shitless.

I was reflecting on the past two years and how, God forbid, if I had to go through that again I'm not sure I could find the strength.  In fact, I'm truly astounded that I found the strength to do it at all. I don't want to have to find that strength again, and I hope and pray I never have to.

I've never been one to make resolutions, I've said that before. I think they just set you up for failure - it's like the word itself, resolution, is a curse against that very thing.

Instead, I set goals for the coming year - ways I can improve myself, my life and my relationships.

And so, here are my goals for 2013.

1 - I want to lose at least 30 lbs.

I know it can do it, it's just finding the willpower to do it. I love food too much.  But I have to change my attitude. I have to remind myself that I found the strength to beat cancer so finding the strength to not eat 4 pieces of pizza or not going to the Pita Pit for lunch at work should be a cake walk. Did someone say cake? Mmmmmm cake.

In all seriousness I have a gym membership, I have the time to go. I like salad (I'm not being facetious, I really do!) I know how to eat properly. I just need to suck it up and do it.

And because we're going to Florida in July I have a deadline. I'd like to feel comfortable (as can be with one boob) in my bathing suit.

2 - I want to take control of my finances.

Being off work for 6 months set us back a bit because I was 3 of those months without any income. Now that I'm back to work it's time to get this train back on it's rails and keep on chugging. If all goes well I can be debt free in 2 years. Again, self control and will power.

3 -  I want to be happy at work.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my job still. I'm just not overly thrilled about my work environment and need to take control of that. If it can't be corrected for me, I need to make a change. It will mean stepping out of my comfort zone again but I've become pretty good at that.

4 - I want to add to the notches on my PP mom hug belt.

I think this will be a goal I can accomplish since one of them lives where we're going in Florida and a few live along the way.

5 - I want to spend more quality time with my kids.

Part of that involves less time here. I need to change my system and avoid the computer and internet until after the kids go to bed (well, Connor at least - the other two go to bed at the same time of after me) 

6 - I want to be a better teacher.

I love my job. Remember that? And I want to be good at it. And I want the kids I work with to learn - really learn - in a way that is appropriate for their development.

7 - I want to be a better wife.

I know I take Sean for granted and I need to really stop and realize how good I've got it. And I need to let him know I know how good I've got it. 2013 brings us our 15th year of marriage. I'm going to do something big for him. Not sure what yet. Ideas are welcome!

I think that's a pretty hefty list. It's one to work on all year. I'll be back here on December 31st (or so) to see how many of these goals I've accomplished. Hopefully all!

Happy New Year everyone and may your year be filled with love, joy, blessings and good health!