It's all good.

I saw baby yesterday at the store. She was very new. She was so new she still had the 'fuzz' on her face and her head was still 'lumpy'. She was gorgeous.
I'll admit it made me long for another.

I think I'm hitting that point. Connor is 3 now. He's not a baby anymore and he's not a toddler anymore - he's a child - a little boy. And part of me thinks WOOHOO - I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. He'll be starting school in a year, he's old enough that Emily can start babysitting, he's not requiring my attention 150% of the time - I'm reaching those independent years of having older children.

I have a friend who's youngest son is Mary's age and I've often been envious of how she and her husband can get up early on weekends, go to garage sales and then go have a nice breakfast together without too much worry about what to do with the kids or having to drag any of them along. 
But I've also been the mommy of young children for 11 years now and I'm not entirely sure I know how to be anything else.

I'm trying though. I have a job now and I love it. I have a new hobby (sewing) and I love it. I'm starting to make plans for the future (Sean's 40th birthday present - a tent trailer - shhhh don't tell him) and I'm excited.

But there's still that little part of me that thinks my time for being a mom to young children is running out and I should get it all in when I can. (I know - I'm only 37 and there is still time but it was hard enough when I was 33 to get pregnant and stay pregnant - it's going to be even harder when I'm older.)
I'm going to miss that new baby smell and hours upon hours of starting a little tiny face and hands and feet that I made.

I suppose the flip side is that I also miss the night waking, colic, diapers, sore nipples, 40 tons of cargo everytime we leave the house....

My cousin is going to be a grandmother soon. It scares me to think that the prospect of being a grandparent isn't so bad...you get all the perks of the new baby - plus the luxury of spoiling him/her  -without any of the responsibility. I can get on board with something like that! Does it mean that I'm old if I'm thinking this way?

My kids might be growing up but they're no where near the age of  becoming parents so grandparenthood is quite some time away yet.  Hell, I have friends who are still having kids.

I suppose in the meantime, while I'm slightly envious of those new moms with their new little fuzzy faced, lumpy headed babies I can remember that they might too be envious of me  - sleeping until 8:20 in the morning, sending my kids out to the backyard so I can get some bags sewn - and dare I say it, having an long, hot bubble bath - all by myself!

Rage

I'm quite certain what I have is a hardcore case of PMS (or DMS as the case may be  - the D being 'during' for those who might be a little slow on the upstart)

On Wednesday afternoon on my way home from work I broke out crying. I don't really know why. I had a fine day, nothing stressful at work. Nothing stressful at home - just a general feeling blue kind of thing.

Thursday morning I cried halfway to work. I do know what that was. It was my Uncles birthday - (my dad's brother) and I had wished him happy birthday on FB. I saw a post from his daughter wishing him a happy birthday and got to thinking about how my own Dad's birthday is coming and how much I wish I could be stressing about whether or not I should get him a Canadian Tire gift card or a golf shirt. (in the last few years my Dad became nearly impossible to buy for)

Thursday on my way home it was more of the same. I also felt pretty blah all evening at home.

Today it's different though. I do still have the blah feeling but I also feel so angry - at everything. I find I'm yelling at the kids or getting pissed at them for reason which, in the grand scheme of things, are not that big a deal.  Connor's incessant door closing, Emily's standard 11 year old response "Fine" (said with various emphasises (is that even a word?) depending on the situation) Mary's constant noise...

I'm completely void of any energy  - in fact, if it weren't for the fact that I don't trust the girls to not go crazy on the candy they got from school I'd be inclined to just crawl into bed now.

I'm sure it's just hormones and if so this month is a killer but I hate being in this funk. And Sean being on nights isn't helping it any because when the kids go to bed I'm stuck here alone and miserable.

My one little saving grace is that I'm getting more bag orders. It's keeping me going. I've got another order this weekend and I'm waiting on payment from an order last weekend. When I get those payments in we'll have topped the $380 mark - and with my Uncles pledge to match the donations we receive we'll be at $760! That's almost half of what we raised last year...and we've still got 6 7 months to go.

So for that, I'm beyond excited.

Well, I'm off. I'm going to go drink some coffee...and perhaps something stronger and then I'll sit back, watch some tv and maybe doze on and off. And hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

Blah

That's how I feel. I've been a bit of an emotional basket case for the last day or two. Not sure why really but it's one of those crying at the drop of a hat things.

I'm sure I'll feel better soon.

All the work was done for me!

Remember how I mentioned that I am a giant Friends fan and I've seen every. single. episode. (multiple times)?

Well, I am the same when it comes to MASH. I've seen every episode of MASH several times. It is my favorite show and has been for a long time. And no matter how many times I see it, I still cry during the episode where Henry Blake gets killed on his way home, I still cry during the episode when Radar goes home and I cry during most of the final episode. So don't let the following post lead you to believe that I have anything but the deepest admiration for all of the actors who've been on MASH.

This post was going to be about the odd resemblance that some of the cast members of MASH have to certain Muppets.  The idea for it came to me because Loretta Swit was in town on Friday and Sean said to me "Did you see Miss Piggy on Breakfast Television?" It took a minute but I figured it out. She was on a local morning show and he thinks (and I have to agree, at least back in the earliest days of MASH) that she somewhat resembles Miss Piggy.

So I went on an image search of Loretta Swit and Miss Piggy - I was going to post them together for your consideration.

And this is what I found.

There it is, in one neat package, Loretta Swit and Miss Piggy together. Do you see it? They could be sisters right?

I then got to thinking....Hmmm....what else can I find?

Jamie Farr                                                                                     Gonzo

Spooky huh?

Kind of like people who look like their pets (or vice versa)

A certainly individual in my family was once married to someone who Sean thought looked like the dog from the Red Dog Beer logo.

Have fun with that.

Happy Sunday - have a fantastic week!

Sometimes you just need to belt one out

The other morning on my way to work I was listening to the radio. In the mornings I switch between the all news channel (for commuter traffic) the classic rock station, the current pop station and, if I'm really needing to let some aggressions out, my Eminem CD.

So this particular morning I'm listening to the classic rock station. The were talking about the 12 worst board games of all time.
Normally I can't tolerate the inane chatter of the DJ's on this station for longer than a nanosecond - they spend more time laughing at their own jokes which would be fine if they were funny. More often then not though, I fail to see the humor (and I *get* jokes)

But - I had to hear about the worst games. Click the link, see the games and then come back. (promise you'll come back...don't just ditch me mid blog...)

So, they were talking about the game Fingers Harry. Now depending on your particular flavour of humor there are several places you could go with that one. Obviously being radio they had to keep it somewhat family friendly but it just struck me funny when the woman DJ said "Well, I want to know who gets to be Harry first?" This led them into a whole spiel which I won't bore you with because it won't translate as funny but at the time, I was laughing so freakin' hard in my car that I was crying. It was genuine, pee your pants laughing.

Being that I was stuck in traffic and not moving people are sitting in their cars all around me. A lady looked over at me and I looked at her, barely able to keep my eyes open because I'm laughing so hard and I guess it was contagious because she started to laugh too.

Of course, them I'm embarrassed. I realize everyone can see me. I must look like a yutz laughing my ass off (yep, I typed the whole damn LMAO - that's how funny it was) My mascara is running. I've got tear trails in my foundation....I was a mess. But I was happy.

On the way home that night, I was thinking about it again, not so much the joke but the fact that everyone around me could see me in my car.
This got me to thinking about singing in the car.

If I looked ridiculous laughing then I wondered how I must look when I'm singing. Admit it, you do it. We all do it. You turn up your favorite tune and started belting it out. Maybe drumming on the wheel. Maybe seat dancing.

No sooner do I think this then slightly ahead of me to my right is a car. I see a guy bouncing around in it. I pull up closer and I see this guy bopping back and forth, going completely Neil Peart on his steering wheel and though I couldn't hear him judging by how wide his mouth was opening this guy was singing at the top of his lungs.

And he looked completely idiotic. But he looked happy.

Sometimes you just gotta say 'screw it'. Don't worry about who's looking into your car or about how stupid you look (cause I gotta tell you - I don't care if you're Beyonce - if you're singing in the car - the people in the other cars can't hear you....so you just look stupid) 

Sometimes you just need to turn that music up loud and belt one out

You want answers?

I want the truth!

You can handle the truth...

Sorry, I really really hate Tom Cruise but I love Jack Nicholson and he far outweighs my hatred of the whack job. Plus, A Few Good Men really is a good movie (I could type the whole Jack Nicholson "you can't handle the truth" speech for you - I've seen the movie that many times - but really, he's way more awesome at it than my blogging it.

Anyhow my "you want answers" was in reference to the Rebus puzzles from my last post.

Here they are!

1. SYMPHON
unfinished symphony



2. M1Y L1I1F1E
for once in my life
(four ones)


3. O_ER_T_O_
painless operation
(the letters p a i n are missing)


And the last two - Jenny you smart cookie!
4. B10
beaten black and blue


5. HERRING
red herring


Have a nice day!

Puzzle Fun

I'm going to let you in on a little secret.

I'm a nerd.

Okay, so not such a big secret but here's something you might not know.
I LOVE rebus puzzles. I like the challenge and if I might brag a bit - I'm pretty good at them.

So I thought for shiggles I'd post a few. If you know the answers go ahead and leave them in the comments (don't be shy....I know there's lots of you out there lurking...come on out and play!)

Alright here goes....


1. SYMPHON


2. M1Y L1I1F1E


3. O_ER_T_O_


4. B10

5. HERRING

Can't wait to hear your answers.

In case you didn't know....you can't win 'em all.

It's been a really long time (by my standards) in which I've have several hours of undisturbed time in which to, well, do anything.
So last night while Sean was at work I thought I'd surf the net. (there was NOTHING on TV last night)

I played on Pogo for a while. I FB'd and Pumpkin Patched. (yes, I just used Facebook and Pumpkin Patch as verbs - love it!)

I was going to sew some bags to post but my sister in law ordered a bag so I wanted to get that done for her and then my cousin ordered a custom bag so was waiting on confirmation of the details for that in order to get that started. These days I only have the energy (and time) to sew on weekends so I try to cram a lot of it in. June is just around the corner and I'd like to have a lot of bags to bring to the Relay for Life.

Anyhow, my fabric reserves, while still pretty healthy in some areas are lacking in others. There are some (like the pink, the blue stripes, and the florals) that I have a lot of but others (like the oh, so popular black checkers) that I only have enough left to make one bag.
I'm always on the lookout for more.

I decided to scan kijiji. I've been very lucky there, it's where I found my Fabric Angel.
I found an ad that someone was selling a pretty nice lot of upholstery weight material. The pictures of it were nice, solid colours (blues and reddish/pinkish/maroon)
So, as before, I took a chance and emailed the seller - explaining the situation - and asking for a donation. I provided them with a link to the Papa's Pride blog (proof that I'm not a whack job trying to pull a fast one)
In the past, I've always put - I understand if you'd rather not donate the fabric but I figure it never hurts to ask.

I got a reply this morning from the seller. He/she replied that they "already do TONS of charity work" [sic] so basically, thanks but no thanks.

Now again, obviously it's their choice, whatever. But here's what's bugging me.
They were only asking $20 for the whole lot. (yeah I know what you're thinking - it's only $20 - suck it up buttercup and just buy the damn stuff. I plan to because it looked really great but the fact of the matter is that despite my fabulous new job I'm still flat freakin' broke until at least Wednesday. We're still playing a bit of catch up because of Emily's day at the Eaton Centre, Connor's Birthday party and my brakes and rotors needing to be done.) And I can't email now and say, can you hang onto it until Wednesday and I'll buy it because then I do look like a whack job trying to pull a fast one. So I'll wait until Wednesday and if it's not sold THEN I'll email and say if you don't want to donate it fine - I'd like to buy it because it would be really helpful.

(deep breath)

But again - by donating it they only loose $20. No biggie. And again - it's their choice to not donate it but here's what bugs me...they didn't even look at the Papa's Pride Blog. I know this because I have a 'unique visit' counter and the map - I know when and where people are when they view the blog (plus Blogger has the nifty stats page)

This person didn't make a decision based on, oh I don't know, being adequately informed - he/she just didn't want to. That's what's bothering me. If it were something like "Hmmm, I've looked at this blog and I think this woman is doing something very interesting, however, we already do TONS of charity work so I think I'd rather still just sell my fabrics" then I could say "Okay, I tried, but at least it's only $20 (the cost of which is recovered on the sale of one bag) so I'll just buy it. "

I'm taking it personally (which I know it isn't but I still take it that way) because they didn't bother to look at the blog. They made a decision based solely on my email which leaves me feeling as though they think I'm the whack job trying to pull a fast one that I tried to convince them that I am not by sending them the link to the blog in the first place.

I realize this is my issue. Not everyone out there is like my Fabric Angel. Not everyone *gets* the value of what I'm doing. I know in my heart of hearts that this 'cause' is more important to me than to anyone else simply because it's what helps me deal with losing my Dad. I've been so blessed with people like my Fabric Angel who get it and the family, friends and random strangers who've placed the orders that keep me going - that keep me sewing - that keep me hoping that I'll sell a ton of bags, raise a ton of money before June and then start all over again in July.

Anyhow, I'm going to buy the fabric on Wednesday if it's still available. I think it they will make nice bags. And in the meantime - I'll keep working with what I have and have fun doing it.

And after I complete the orders in waiting we'll have broken the $300 mark. WOOHOO!

This, that and Butterscotch Lifesavers

So, my new teacher started last week on Tuesday.

I can say sum up my week in one simple sentence. I LOVE HER!

She's fantastic. She's young, she's energetic, she's easy to get along with, she's nice, she's a hard worker, she knows what she's doing - and she values my opinion and input. I can't tell you how many times last week she'd say to me "we're in this together" or "we're a team".

I'll admit I was worried that I'd be going from the frying pan into the fire but I really, didn't. Last week was the best week of work I've had in.....so very long.

I know I'm a big nerd but I big puffy heart her oh, so much.

I've lost weight since I've started working. Not a huge amount but about 5 lbs. I'm thrilled and I know it's in large part because I'm not eating like a horse everyday. I have breakfast (toast or porridge and coffee) Lunch (either a bagel and cream cheese or a salad and yogurt) and then supper (though, I'm starved when I get home and I tend to eat a large supper) When I snack at school it's on an apple.

I have one small problem though. See, at night I've been going to bed early (like 9:30) Partly because I'm exhausted but also because Sean gets up for work so early that he goes to bed then too...so I figure, I got nothing else to do, may as well go to bed too. So this keeps me from snacking on weeknights. On weekends he goes to bed early still but my snacking is kept in check because I get something healthy before he goes to bed.

Here's my problem.

Sean is working nights for the next 6 weeks. That means after the kids go to bed I have nothing to do. I'm bored. I'm lonely. So I snack.

Last night it was curry/shrimp samosa's from M&M (didn't like them)

Tonight...chicken wings. MMMMMMM

I know I shouldn't and I know this is emotional/boredom eating but I can't help myself.

So, I can rejoice in my 5 lost lbs while I put them back on.

Oh well.

I've had a hankering for butterscotch lifesavers (or butter rum lifesavers) for about two weeks and do you think I can find any? Nada. It's killing me. 7/11 doesn't have them. WalMart doesn't have them. The little corner store doesn't have them. I used to be a 2 pack a day lifesaver sucker. I gave the habit up in favour of smoking more (insert a 'you're a pathetic loser' headhake here) but lately I've been wanting to suck on something (get your mind out of the gutter you perv) and butterscotch lifesavers would hit the spot.

I might have to go buy some Werthers. It's just not the same.

Rest in Peace Little Ones

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

It's one of those things that people don't always openly talk about but when they do - they find that there are so many others out there who are sharing the same grief as they are. So many women who've lost a pregnancy - whether it be early on or later. So many women who've babies have been born sleeping. And so many women who's babies lived but for a short time.

It's on this day that we remember the babies who only made it into our arms for a short time - or not at all but will live forever in our hearts. We also remember their families who are left behind to mourn them.

I'm lighting my candle for my own two babies, gone before I ever got to hold them. I often wonder who you would have been but I know one day we'll meet and I'll hold you in my arms.

I'm also lighting my candle in memory of Reagan, Gavin, Zoe and Anna, Kaelen, Angelina and Gabriella, Baby Bulldozer and in memory of the babies lost during pregnancy by so many of my friends...

Happy Birthday to a very big boy!

My baby boy is 3 today. 3 years ago today I was rejoicing that he was finally here. After all the struggling to get pregnant and stay pregnant. After the hell of losing two babies before him. After the trauma of his birth, almost losing him and my only thoughts being "I can't go home with no baby"

But I didn't. And on October 12, 2007 my life changed forever.

Happy Birthday baby boy. We love you so much!

Thanksgiving

It's Thanksgiving weekend for us northern folks.

I've never been a giant Thanksgiving fan. Chicken may be my favorite food but turkey doesn't fall into that category for me, I don't feel the same love for it (though I'll admit I love the smell of it cooking)
It just seems like a lot of work for a dinner for what is otherwise a meaningless holiday. We're not farmers, we don't harvest our crop now (wait - I do still have a few tomatoes and hot peppers out there) and while we do go around the table talking about what we're thankful for it's not a religious holiday. If it weren't for it originating long ago when farmers were celebrating a successful season and the fruits of their labours I would think Thanksgiving was just as contrived as Valentine's Day. (and I'm a little surprised that Hallmark hasn't sunk their claws into this weekend more)

But - it is what it is. A day off work tomorrow, an excuse to have a big family meal and a reason to pause and reflect on the many gifts we've been blessed with.

A few years ago while going around the table, telling each other what we were thankful for, my Dad said "I'm just glad to be here for another year" Foreboding since it was his last Thanksgiving with us.

So - in the spirit of cheesiness and all that mush, I'm going to tell you all what I'm thankful for this year.

I'm thankful for the obvious - my family - both immediate and extended. As the years have gone on I have built new bonds with with my family, not just my mom and brothers but with my sisters in law, my cousins, aunts and uncles. Family is important, they're your roots and without them, you're nothing.
As a side note to this, I'm thankful I don't have any sisters. I've always wished for a sister but I think if I had one I wouldn't appreciate my sisters in law as much as I do. And I like my sisters in law (which I'm lucky for because I know so many people who hate theirs) So I might be short a biological sister but I've got the next best thing.

I'm thankful for my job - but I'm going to take it a step further and say I'm thankful that I was placed at the school I was placed at....because I think that's that big factor in how much I love my job. I like the staff. And for the most part I feel like an equal (there are a few exceptions....one or two staff members who I get a cold shoulder from but I figure meh, their loss)

I'm thankful for the support I've received from so many people with my Papa's Pride venture and the Relay for Life. It might sounds trivial to some - even those who've lost someone to cancer - but this makes me feel like my Dad won't be forgotten. His passing won't be in vain.

And in the words of my Dad....I'm thankful to be here another year - because everyday, good or

bad, rain or shine, is a gift.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Beating a dead horse

Yes, I am.

I was just browsing my FB page and noticed a message from my Uncle on the Papa's Pride page. He's offered to match any money raised up to $2000 toward our Relay for Life with the sale of our Papa's Pride merchandise.

I know several of you fantabulous readers have already bought bags or cards or ribbons but I'm putting it out there anyway....for those of you who stop by frequently....and oh so quietly...you know who you are.....

The tote bags make great Christmas gifts.
I have a huge assortment of fabrics (I will post more fabrics on the Papa's Pride blog on the weekend)
The cards are lovely. Think of all those times you've wanted to send a thank you card to someone and didn't have a blank note card lying around. Or you wanted to give your significant other a nice card with a love note written inside. Why pay Hallmark to write what's in your heart? Blank note cards with lovely photos are perfect for that!

You don't have to order through Etsy, you can order via email ( jdonahue1081@rogers.com )but payment must be through Paypal.

And it will do your heart good knowing that you've helped lift us up as well as giving to an incredibly worthy cause.

And yeah, the horse might be dead but I'm gonna keep on beating him.

It's all about perspective

I'm compensating for my lack of posts during the week by giving you double and triple posts on weekend....plus this stuff comes into my head and I think hmmm, I should blog that.

Yesterday when I took Em shopping I stopped into the Coach store.

I am by no means a label whore. Mostly because I simply can't afford those finer things but there's more to it that that....I don't really get it.

I have several friends who own one (or multiple) Coach purses and yes, I'll admit they are really nice looking bags. What I have trouble wrapping my mind around is paying $500 for one.

I saw a really lovely purse in the store. It looked something like this (it wasn't this one but similar) It was $475.

The purse I carry is this one.

Sure, part of that is because I made it and it's for charity (yes, I paid the $20 for it) and I can't very well expect people to buy them if I won't carry one myself. But, even before the birth of Papa's Pride I was carrying $20 purses from WalMart or Bentley.

So while I looked at this purse, I wondered to myself.....what does it do? Does it come with something? A diamond ring? A little laptop? Keys to a car? Why is this purse - that is no bigger than the one I carry - so obscenely expensive?

Just for arguement sake - an iPhone or a Blackberry are more expensive than my crappy little Samsung Gravity phone because, well, mine is just a phone. Okay, it has a camera and a slide out qwerty keyboard but really, it's just a phone. And an iPhone or Blackberry - well, they're so much more.

So referring to that above point, I ask again....what does a Coach bag do? It's made of fine leather. It has a Coach label. But at the end of the day....it's still a purse right? It still holds your keys, your eyeliner and your tampons right? Just with a little more style.

I'm certainly not knocking anyone who has one (or mulitple) Coach bags. You work for your money, spend it how you want. I'm sure there are people out there who don't understand why I covet big fancy SLR cameras and lenses when their Kodak point and shoot works just as well (granted there is a difference in picture quality) or why, given the chance, I'd be driving a Dodge Charger SRT8 in Hemi orange

when my 'mom-mobile' minivan works just fine.

And I realize I just answered my own question right there. Because yeah, my Montana SV6 gets my from A to B in a safe and timely fashion.....but I'd look a hell of a lot hotter getting there in a Charger.

Better start saving my pennies....the Coach bag of cars is waiting for me!

This and That

It's been an interesting couple of days, to say the least.

I took my first day off work on Friday. I woke up in the wee hours of Friday morning feeling horribly sick and finally at 5:30 am decided I wasn't going to attempt a stressful work day feeling the way I did. So I stayed home. And just to add an underline to this point, I sent Connor to daycare.

For those who've followed me closely, or know me well, this is a big thing. I am one of those people who are hugely against kids being sent to daycare when Mom or Dad are at home (for reference purposes, I mean children who go to daycare full time because Mom and Dad work - I don't mean kids of SAHM/D's who go a couple of times a week for the socialization aspects of it) If Mom or Dad is home, I'm a strong believer that the children should be too.
But - I felt THAT bad. I was going to keep him home but my mom talked me into sending him and even dropped him off for me.

So I tried to sleep. Unfortunately I've not received the gift of being able to nap in the daytime. It's rare that I can. I just can't shut my brain off in the day. I did manage to doze but each time I did, the phone would ring. (I know, turn the phone off - but then I worry the daycare or the girls school could be calling)

So Sean called periodically to check in. My coworker called to update me on the struggles of the day and my Principal called to see "if you're out partying".

By Friday evening I was exhausted and achy but the nausea was gone. And Saturday morning I was more or less back to myself.

Saturday was a whole new adventure. I took Emily and her best friend to the Eaton Centre for her birthday shopping trip. She had $180 to spend. She was coveting clothes from Hollister, tna, Bench and lululemon.

I've remarked before at her ability to be so incredibly frugal when it's her own money and be able to blow $200 in 20 minutes if it's my money. She proved this point again.
She didn't pay over $30 for anything (good girl!) She went right to the sale racks (good girl) and while she would have loved to buy a Bench jacket she couldn't see spending $130 on one thing.(smart girl) We had lunch at Mr. Greenjeans which is a requirement when shopping at the Eaton Centre and we came home.

We had our Papa's Pride Facebook draw. The winner was my old friend Nisha.
My little campaign worked to a small extent, I did get a few new "likes."
I think now my focus will be getting a lot of bags done so that when we're at the Relay for Life in June I'll have enough to get a vendor site. I'll also print out a stack of greeting cards to sell there. Hopefully in the meantime we'll get a few sales online too.

I plan to really ramp up my 'harassment for donations' campaign in April. That will give me two full months of begging and pleading everyone I know to donate. I set my goal high this year - double what we made last year. Sean thinks it's too lofty. I hope to prove him wrong.

So that's it in a nutshell. I've got a busy week ahead - curriculum night at school, gymnastics, Connor's party (I got 4 RSVP's yesterday so I've heard from almost everyone) and cards with some friends.

Happy October!